My Child Told Me He is Gay, Now What?

October 11 is national coming out day when individuals are encouraged to tell their family and friends they are LGBTQ. Very few parents assume that one of these announcements could one day be made by their own child. Far too many Christians parents are finding themselves in this place, which is why it is important to be talking about biblical principles regarding marriage, sex, and gender when children are young.

I’m regularly asked by parents whose child has told them that he thinks he is gay and wonder what to do next. Here are a few items to consider if you find yourself in this unexpected place:

  • Reaffirm your love for your child and let the child know that nothing will change that fact. Do everything you can to maintain your relationship with the child as relationships are the artery that carry the Gospel. Ignoring your child might make family gatherings easier, but not eternity.
  • Ask questions and listen. Try to learn how they arrived at this decision. It will be uncomfortable. If he is willing to share, praise God, and listen.
  • Point the child to Jesus. The real problem is not homosexuality or sex or drugs. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly and treasure him more than sin. Homosexuality is the symptom, Jesus is the only hope. When he sees the goodness and greatness of Jesus, he will find his satisfaction in him not in a Jesus-replacement.
  • Don’t act like everything is okay. It isn’t. To pursue homosexuality is to live in active rebellion against God. It is a serious matter and we need to a let a child know that it isn’t God’s best for them. Plead with him more than you rebuke him.
  • Invite your child into your home and let them bring their partner. Jesus ate with sinners and you can too. This is not a sign that you accept the choice, but that you love your child. God always invites the prodigal home and you should too.
  • Know that the child’s primary motive is happiness. He believes a lie that he will be happy, free, and himself when he pursues sexual desire. Without being preachy you can point out that happiness and freedom is only found in obedience to God. Just because we have a sexual desire, even if it is strong, doesn’t mean it is good or right.
  • Gather a group of prayer warriors who will regularly pray for the child and your family. Ask them to pray weekly. Only God can save your son or daughter so commit to fervent prayer.
  • Balance grace and truth. Jesus spent time with adulterers, murders, and thieves. He offered them love, but he always called them to leave their life of sin. If the child was raised in a Christian home, he knows what you think, but he is unsure how you will respond. Be gentle in your disappointment. What concerns you isn’t that they are breaking the rules, but that he is destroying himself.
  • Initiate communication. God sought us out when we were still sinners and you can do the same. Text, email, and call. Even if there is little response, continue to initiate. An open door, a cup of coffee, and a warm embrace go a long way.
  • Learn from the father in Proverbs 5-7. He talks with his son about the blessings and consequences of sexual choices. These talking points may come in handy, but should be used with discernment.
  • Don’t expect them to live like Jesus. He isn’t going to act like a Christian. You know he has rejected God’s standards, so don’t expect him to live by yours. Unbelief is the main issue, so point the young person to Jesus.

You likely have a long road ahead so don’t give up. God is your help in time of need. He is your rock and refuge. Find strength in him.

Why Worldview Matters

Every parent, grandparent, and pastor that I know wants to see their children grow up to know, love, and follow Jesus for a lifetime. We want our children to smell like the scent of heaven and to spend eternity there.

Unfortunately, many Christian young people are unprepared to navigate the tidal wave of unbiblical ideas that confront them. We all know teenagers who have drifted and walked away from Christ. We never think that person could one day be our own child. When the pressure is turned up our children will struggle if they do have confidence that comes from knowing what they believe and why they believe it.

We are losing our children to the world at alarming rates. Many evangelical churches operate according to an attractional model that attempts to reach seekers with the gospel while our children are evangelized into secular humanistic thought by the very people we are trying to reach. Who is doing a better job evangelizing children, the world or the church? If we are honest, many churches are struggling to pass on a deep, lasting, Bible-shaped faith to future generations.

Parents and grandparents want the best for children, yet passions and priorities are often out of order. Athletics and academics are often prioritized over the nurture of a child’s faith. Children may end up at a prestigious university or receive an athletic scholarship, but their faith lags fair behind and leaves them vulnerable to the deception of the world. George Barna states, “a person’s worldview is primarily shaped and is firmly in place by the time someone reaches the age of thirteen; it is refined through experience during the teen and early adult years; and then it is passed on to others during their adult life. Such studies underscore the necessity of parents and other influencers being intentional in how they help develop the worldview of children.” High numbers of parents and grandparents are not developing their child’s worldview and the spiritual vacuum is filled by cultural ideas and secular thought.

That’s why worldview matters. That phrase describes our message to parents, grandparents, pastors, and educators. Biblical worldview is worthy of our attention and resources. Here are six reasons why every family, church, and school needs to help children develop a biblical worldview.

  1. Provides wisdom for life.

When you have a parenting problem, where do you look for answers? When you want to learn how to grandparent, where do you turn for guidance? When you want teaching methods, where do you look for ideas? When you have a decision, where do you turn for wisdom?

The Bible claims to provide everything needed for salvation in Jesus, growth into Christ-likeness, obedience to God’s commands, and godly living. The reformers called this sola Scriptora, which translates to Scripture alone. The doctrine of sufficiency is found in 2 Timothy 3:15-17, “the sacred writings are able to make you wise for salvation in Christ Jesus…and equipped for every good work.” Peter makes the same claim when he says that God, “has given us everything we need for life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3). The key word in these verses is the word “everything.” God has given us everything we need in Scripture to do what he has commanded us in the Bible.

The most urgent need for Christians today is to reclaim the sufficiency of Scripture for all of life. James Montgomery Boyce makes a similar observation:

In Martin Luther’s day, sola Scriptura had to do with the Bible being the sole ultimate authority for Christians over against challenges to it from the traditions of the medieval church, church councils and the Pope. The reformers wanted Scripture to stand alone as the church’s true authority. Today, at least in the evangelical church, that is not our chief problem—we assert biblical authority—but rather, whether the Bible is sufficient for the church’s life and work. We confess its authority, but we discount its ability to do what is necessary to draw unbelievers to Christ, enable us to grow in godliness, provide direction for our lives and transform and revitalize society…in other words, in the sixteenth century the battle was against those who wanted to add church traditions to Scripture, but in our day the battle is against those who would have us use worldly means to do God’s work.

Using worldly means to do God’s work. That is an unfortunate statement, but a common reality. Families look to psychology to help them raise children instead of the Bible. Pastors import business practices while pragmatism drives decisions rather than the methodology of Scripture. Christian schools utilize secular textbooks instead of Bible-based curriculum. Psychology, pragmatism, and secular textbooks are symptoms of a deeper theological problem that results from an under-developed grasp of the sufficiency of Scripture and leads to replacing the authority of the Bible with another source. When it comes to parenting, grandparenting, education, and the church will we look to the Bible for our instruction or to another source?

The Bible contains all that we need to know God, grow into Christ-like maturity, and obey His commands. The Bible does not exclusively address every field or topic, but when the Bible speaks on a subject it is authoritative.

  1. Develops the foundation for lifelong faith in Jesus.

Perhaps you’ve heard about the high number of young people who are dropping out of the church, walking away from their faith in Christ, and the low numbers of young believers who have a biblical view of life. I’ve been a pastor to families for nearly twenty years and have seen the following patterns develop:

  • Biblical illiteracy: Alarmingly high numbers of children raised in Christian homes do not know what the Bible teaches.
  • Biblical confusion: High numbers of young Christians do not know why they should believe the teachings of the Bible instead of other views.
  • Biblical immaturity: When young people encounter a different belief system many do not know how to defend their faith or explain the basic truths of the Bible.

What leads to lifelong faith for children? According to the apostle Paul, a Scripture-saturated, Bible-based upbringing shapes the beliefs of children. Paul instructs Timothy, “continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it, and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings” (2 Tim. 3:14-15).

One of Paul’s goals for Timothy is firm belief, which is the result of three things: what Timothy learned (biblical truth), who he learned from (parent, grandparent, and spiritual mentor), and how he learned (being taught the Bible from childhood). Notice, the Bible is concerned with what children learn, who teaches children, and how children are to learn. If we want children to live a godly life, for their entire life, then these are God’s methods toward that end. Scores of Christian children have not been taught the Scriptures leaving them susceptible to false teaching, immaturity, and unbelief.

  1. Shapes character and conduct by truth.

A common phrase used to communicate how to pass on faith to future generations is this, “Faith is caught not taught.” It sounds spiritual. Unfortunately, it’s unbiblical. The Bible elevates both as important. Faith is caught, which is why we must be able to say to young people, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Faith is also taught. The Bible prioritizes teaching as the primary method of helping future generations know Christ and grow in maturity. Let’s explore a few passages that command parents and grandparents to teach the truth of God’s word to young people.

  • Teach these things to your children and your children’s children (Deut. 4:9).
  • You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk about them when you sit…walk…lie down…when you rise (Deut. 6:7).
  • He commanded our [grand] fathers to teach their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children (Ps. 78:5-6).
  • Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and forsake not your mother’s teaching (Prov. 1:8).
  • Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
  • Older women…are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands…Older men…urge the younger men to be self-controlled (Titus 2:2-6).

Parents and grandparents are to use the Bible to shape who a child becomes and how the child lives. This is the pattern and command of Scripture. Parents and grandparents in Deuteronomy were commanded to teach the law of God (ten commandments) to children so that future generations develop an understanding of right and wrong. The father and mother in Proverbs provide an example how to train children to develop a biblical view of life as they instruct their son to make wise choices about friendship (1:10), money (3:9), marriage (5:18), and work (6:6), and more. The grandparents of Titus 2 shape future generations by providing character training and guidance how to be a godly mother and wife.

  1. Defends against counterfeit ideas.

A biblical worldview helps children defend their faith. Raising children today requires a Colossians 2:7-8 mindset, “As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.”

The strategy that Paul provides is simple. We are to teach the core truth of Scripture so that a Christian is established in faith, then introduce a competing belief system and dismantle it by exposing why it is false. When I teach kids, I refer to this as the Bible’s big truth and the world’s big lie.

The two most prominent philosophies that children are exposed to today are secular humanism and socialism. Familiarize yourself with them, learn what they teach, why they are deficient, and be able to point out these arguments when you see them in education, media, or culture. In a post-Christian society children are going to face strong opposition and competing belief systems and unless they are rooted in the Bible they will absorb the ideas of our day and assimilate to the beliefs of our culture. Our aim is to shape the beliefs of young people and to do that we must train children to defend their faith against deceptive and competing belief systems. Biblical worldview is an effective evangelism tool to answer questions and objectives and proclaim the Gospel.

  1. Answers the big questions of life.

A biblical worldview answers the big questions that children ask such as, “Where did I come from?” “Why am I here?” “Who am I?” “What went wrong with the world?” “What is the solution?” “What is the purpose of life?” “What happens in the future?”

Young people are hungry for truth and are searching for answers. They desire open and honest face-to-face conversations. Young people want real answers and are attracted to authenticity. Due to an overabundance of information, young people do not know what information is trustworthy thus they have a prove-it-to-me mindset. One of the most compelling proofs for young people is an authentic life. The individual that speaks truth in love and practices what he or she preaches is incredibly influential in a young person’s life. Here are three suggestions to answer the spiritual questions children will have:

  • Ask questions before children ask them. Don’t be afraid to talk about difficult topics. Encourage children to think deeply about the truths of the Bible.
  • Answer with Scripture. Encourage children to become a student of God’s Word. They either know the answer or know where to get the answer.
  • Aim to be an askable parent, grandparent, pastor, or teacher. Invite questions, take them seriously, and answer them diligently so that the child who is weighing the claims of the Bible will be persuaded to believe in Christ.
  1. Equips individuals for service to Christ.

The world does not need Christians who are culturally-saturated. It needs agents of the gospel filled with the aroma of Christ. A biblical worldview not only shapes what a child believes, but also equips the child to live in a manner worthy of the gospel, for the good of others, and the glory of God through their future vocation. A biblical view of topics such as science, law, medicine, and education will provide the framework so that children can positively impact the world for Christ.

A biblical worldview equips children to serve God using the gifts he has given them. God didn’t just save us from something, he saved us to do something—to resume the task for which we were originally created. We bring him glory when we reflect his character to others. Running a business, teaching students, managing a home are not secondary activities, but doing God’s work in the world. A child’s future vocation is not something they do for God, it is a way to participate in God’s work.

Excerpt from a chapter in a forth coming book by Josh Mulvihill called Biblical Worldview: Teaching Children to Think and Live Biblically in a Secular World

A Poem about the State of the American Church

A poem about the state of many evangelical churches in America:

We are hollow men
We are stuffed men
Experiencing together
Sermons filled with straw. Alas!
Man’s wisdom, for
Itching ears
Is clever and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or vapor over broken glass
In our barren lives.

Quick explanation: Many pulpits have exchanged God’s word for man’s opinion leading to the erosion of sound theology and empty lives of God’s people. Experience has become the authoritative source for decisions and the abundance of numbers gives the false impression of success perpetuating shallow faith with little fruit.

In far too many churches we have:

Style over substance
Numbers over nurture
Feelings over thought
Theology is therapy
A copycat culture
The problem of pragmatism
The rousing of emotion
Distain for doctrine
Self-fulfillment is the new gospel

May God coming to reform the church to align with the Bible.

What Music is Your Child or Grandchild Listening to?

Christians are often indistinguishable from culture. Many have absorbed the views of culture, even while attempting to follow Christ. Based on a Lifeway study, about 4 out of every 10 women who get an abortion where going to church at the time of their first abortion. Christians divorce rates are similar. Views of homosexuality are on the rise in the Christian community. Abortion, divorce, homosexuality – Christians are adopting the practices and patterns of culture in these areas as well as many more. There are many reasons why this is the case but one of the reasons is that Christians are spending less time in the Bible and more time with media such as music. Music is one of many influences that shape the beliefs of children.

I want to introduce you to a popular song called Some Nights, by FUN. The lyrics to the chorus and first verse are as follows:

Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for?
What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know anymore

This is it, boys, this is war
What are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe they hype
Save that for the black and white
Try twice as hard and I’m half as liked
But here they come again to jack my style
And that’s alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I?

What do I stand for? Why don’t we break the rules? Who am I? These three questions are the same questions every young person is asking. Notice how this song answers the big questions of life:

  • Relativism: “What do I stand for? Most nights, I don’t know anymore.”
  • Morality: “Save that for the black and white… here they come to jack my style.”
  • Sexuality: “I found a martyr in my bed tonight. She stops me from wondering just who I am.”

If your child or grandchild is listening to top 40 music, they are hearing songs like this and it is impacts what they believe. I recently looked up the top 10 songs and nine of them were rated explicit with “God is a Woman” on the list.

A Lifeway study recently found that listening to Christian music was one of the top three influences that led toward lifelong faith in children. If you haven’t given much thought to the impact of music on the spiritual life of your child consider that Martin Luther said, “Next to theology I give music the highest place of honor.” Gordon Fee once stated, “Show me a churches songs and I’ll show you their theology.” Could we also say, “Show me the songs a child listens to and I’ll show you what they believe?”

Next to theology I give music the highest place of honor. Martin Luther Click To Tweet

We are often far too lax regarding what our children listen to. Many of us would not allow a person to come into our home use vulgar words, sexually explicit language, or unbiblical ideas. Yet that is exactly what is happening through other digital devices.

The application is twofold. Pay attention to the lyrics and music your child is hearing. Place doctrinally sound, godly music in front of your children. My kids love listening to Andrew Peterson and Roots Kids Worship (scroll down) and I highly commend them to you. There is no shortage of Christ-centered, Bible-based music available today and this will be one more tool in your tool belt to help a child develop deep and lasting faith.

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

1. The importance of biblical worship and the dangers of the Jesus Culture.

  • Why Christians should be concerned with the wrong theology behind the Jesus culture.
  • What is wrong with the Christian music scene today.
  • Encouraging signs in the Christian music scene today.
  • The importance of biblical worship and practice in local churches.

2. Raising children to be in the world, not of the world.

“A few things come to mind and the first is to raise our children around the Bible, right. To be teaching our children the Bible consistently from their earliest days because the Bible addresses sin in a frank way. We don’t need to expose our children to sin in blatant ways in order to introduce them to the concept of sin. We can just read the Bible, we can introduce them to God through his Word. And there they’ll see sin, they’ll see it described, but they’ll also see the consequences of sin.”

3. Learn how to be an intentional grandparent using the Creation Museum

“This year, a new two-part series of free workshops called Answers for Grandparents is now available during specific weeks at the Creation Museum (learn more and check for dates and times on the Creation Museum website). These workshops are especially for our senior audience.”

4. The need to provide a biblical foundation for children

“A picture is worth a thousand words,” and these graphs emphasize how we need to raise up generations with the right foundation for their worldview.”

Grandparents Are Influential, Second Only to Parents

Excerpt from the book Grandparenting, which releases in December 2018.

Who are the most influential people in a young person’s life? A Barna study wanted to know the answer to a similar question and asked 602 teenagers, “Who, besides your parents, do you admire most as a role model?” According to Barna, the top five influences in the life of young people are (1) parents, (2) other family members, typically grandparents, (3) teachers and coaches, (4) friends, and (5) pastors or religious leaders.

After parents, grandparents are the greatest potential influence in the life of a child—not a peer, not a pastor, and not a teacher. When teenagers were asked why they named a particular person as influential, teens provided the following reasons: The person was worthy of imitation; they wanted to follow in the footsteps of the chosen person; they were there for the teenager; and they were interested in the teenager’s future. For better or worse, young people are imitating the people they know best and who care for them.

It may sound simplistic but the greatest influencers of young people are typically those who invest the greatest amount of time into their lives. The key for grandparents to understand is that the more time you invest into a grandchild’s life the greater the potential influence will be. When I look at Barna’s top five influences it follows that logic: The five greatest influencers are the people who spend the most time with young people over the course of their life.

The five greatest influencers are the people who spend the most time with young people over the course of their life. Click To Tweet

If you want to influence your grandchildren to love Jesus then it makes sense that you must have an active presence in their lives. If you do not, then other influences such as peers or media fill the void. Take a moment and reflect on two areas of your life:

First, add up the numbers of hours you invest monthly in your grandchildren.

  • How much of that time is direct face-to-face interaction (in person or through technology)?
  • How many hours per month do you invest indirectly in your grandchildren’s parents, praying for grandchildren, preparing for gatherings, activities, or other family-related things?
  • What is your total number of hours?

Many grandparents are surprised to see how few or how many hours they actually spend on their grandchildren.

Second, take a moment and think about your own grandparents.

  • What impact did your grandparents have on your life?
  • Were your grandparents active in your life and did they regularly invest in you?
  • Did your grandparents shape your personality, preferences, or faith in any way, or were your grandparents emotionally distant, primarily living an autonomous life?

Whether the impact was significant or lacking, it reminds us that grandparents matter, and rarely do they have no influence on us. If you ask your grandchildren how you influence their life, what do you think they would say? The goal is not simply to be a positive influence with a strong relationship, but to use our influence to point grandchildren to Christ.

When Do Americans Become Christians?

A survey from the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) found that 63% of individuals become a Christian between the age of 4-14, with the median age being 11. The same survey also found that 34% of individuals become a Christian between the age of 15-29. According to this study, 97% of individuals become a Christian before the age of 30.

In case that didn’t register, that is 97%! That means, if you asked 100 people when they became a Christian, 63 became a Christian between the age of 4-14, 34 between the age of 15-29, and only 3 out of 100 after the age of 30.

There are many implications we should consider such as:

  • Return on investment: The greatest return on ministry investment is a focus on children, then youth, then young adults.
  • Ministry budget: The average church only spends 3% of its budget on children while allotting the majority of its ministry and missions budgets to adults.
  • The family: Parents and grandparents should be trained to share the gospel, pray for a child’s salvation, and nurture an environment where God’s Spirit can work to open a child’s eyes to his or her need for Christ. It is the family that has the greatest opportunity to introduce a child to Christ and nurture the heart.
  • Defense of faith: Parents and grandparents must take seriously the spiritual influences that are present in the early and teen years of a child. Education, media, and peers impact what a child believes about Christ and thus must be taken seriously.

D.L. Moody once said, “If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God.” Moody understood the importance of the early years and the strategic investment they represent. If the early and teen years are so crucial to the faith development of a Christian, then we would be wise to focus on this time of life in our churches and homes.

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

1. Gender neutral baby names on the rise. 

“That trend, of gender neutral names, particularly for the girls, seems to be on the rise,” said Doctor Sarah Eiser, an OBGYN with Lancaster General Health. Some popular unisex baby include Corey, Tyler, Logan and even Jayden, according to”

2. A growing number of parents allow their child to accept or reject their biological gender, reinforcing gender dysphoria.

“Is Zyler a boy or a girl? How about Kadyn? That’s a question their parents, Nate and Julia Sharpe, say only the twins can decide. The Cambridge, Mass., couple represent a small group of parents raising “theybies” — children being brought up without gender designation from birth. A Facebook community for these parents currently claims about 220 members across the U.S.”

3. Learn about a movement that threatens to negatively influence the church called the “Woke Movement,” a phrase used to describe an awakening to issues of race, gender, and sexuality.

“Unless you have been living in seclusion somewhere, you will have noticed that a radical putsch is currently underway to get evangelicals on board with doctrines borrowed from Black Liberation Theology, Critical Race Theory, Intersectional Feminism, and other ideologies that are currently stylish in the left-leaning secular academy. All of these things are being aggressively promoted in the name of “racial reconciliation.” This has suddenly given rise to a popular movement that looks to be far more influential—and a more ominous threat to evangelical unity and gospel clarity—than the Emergent campaign was 15 years ago. The movement doesn’t have an official name yet, but the zealots therein like to refer to themselves as “woke.”

Five Things To Say to a Loved One Before Death

My mother died from ALS ten years ago on June 11, 2008 (which also happens to be my wedding anniversary). Lots has happened in life since then and I sometimes wonder how my mom would respond if she knew all that happened in my life. I can see the shock on her face when she learns I have five kids and got a PhD — a couple of the many things that she probably never expected to occur in my life. I’m guessing she would be surprised in a good way.

ALS is a nasty neurological disease which slowly causes a person to become paralyzed. Death occurs when an individual loses the ability to breath. I wanted to be intentional with the limited amount of time remaining with my mom. I spent two weeks of concentrated time with her, asked her dozens of questions about her faith and life, and then recorded them in a book for the Mulvihill family. The book has been a blessing for my children as a way to learn about their grandmother.

I also wanted to make sure our relationship ended with no regrets and in a great place. My mom and I had a strong relationship, but I had heard stories from numerous friends who had relational regrets with a parent who died and I didn’t want to be one of those individuals. I spent some time developing a list of five things that must be said before my mom died:

  • I love you
  • Please forgive me
  • I forgive you
  • Thank you
  • Goodbye

Just reading the list brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I had some sweet moments with my mom that strengthened an already strong relationship. Good gave me the opportunity to whisper goodbye in her ear the morning she died. I am grateful that God gave me the time to have these conversations with my mom and write this to encourage you to consider if there is anyone in your life, sick or healthy, that needs to hear one or more of these things from you?

Three Misleading Emotions

Three misleading emotions commonly keep parents from having courageous conversations with their children. Can you relate to one (or all!) of these?

DISQUALIFIED “I didn’t wait, so how could I talk with my children about saving sex for marriage?” No one is more qualified than you! You know from personal experience why sex is best saved for marriage and the natural consequences that come from going outside God’s bounds. You have an opportunity to cast a God-glorifying vision for your child’s life while also helping them navigate around the detours and pitfalls that come from pre-marital sex.

The Bible is full of stories about people who sinned and yet went on to represent God and uphold His holy standards (i.e. King David, the apostle Paul, etc). To disqualify yourself from speaking Truth to your children because of your past sin is to give victory to Satan. He will do anything he can to get you to focus on your mistakes, your mess, and your inadequacies rather than watch you lay your sins before the Cross and receive forgiveness that’s yours in Christ Jesus. It sounds trite but it’s true – if you step out in faith, God will take your “mess” and turn it into a message.

DISTRACTED – “With everything else we have going on at home, we don’t know when we’d fit this in. Honestly, we wouldn’t know what to say if we did find the time!” Don’t let busyness rob you of valuable conversations with your kids. Whether it’s at the dinner table or before they head to bed, capitalize on every opportunity you can find. Let go of the pressure and expectation that you should have all the answers. If you don’t have an answer to one of their questions, be honest and tell them you will get back to them. Then make sure you do! If you don’t know where to begin, check out my website to learn more about my film series Sex by Design: Unpacking the Purpose and Practice of Purity. It was designed to give you a road map for having ongoing conversations with your kids about sexuality. It could very well put to rest the misleading emotion(s) you’ve been feeling and give you the courage to press in. It doesn’t take a PhD to positively influence your children – it just takes the committed and loving presence of parents fully invested in their children’s life!

DISCOURAGED “When I bring up the topic, my child gives me one word answers and changes the subject.” This is a normal response especially if you’ve just recently broached the topic. Ask God to soften your child’s heart and provide you with opportunities to try again. Consider starting with a different topic (just as valuable but maybe less awkward) like modesty or dating and see where God takes it. Consider going out for coffee, ice cream or dinner for uninterrupted time together.

Reflect and Respond:

  • Do any of these misleading emotions ring true to you personally? If so, share your thoughts with your spouse and ask him/her to help remind you of the Truth when the misleading emotion rears its ugly head again. Commit your misleading emotion(s) to prayer and then be on the watch for how God will transform your heart!
  • Read the article “Teaching Your Kids About Sex When You Have Sexual Sin in Your Past.” ( What Truth stuck out to you? Consider writing it on a notecard to be posted on your bathroom mirror, the dashboard of your vehicle or in your personal journal. Review it regularly so it becomes part of your belief system!
  • Commit to praying about how to move forward as you invest in your child’s Biblical understanding of sexuality. Again, check out my website ( for practical help.