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Questions to Ask Before Marriage

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Jen and I met in college in an English class during the first month of our freshman year. The English professor announced that she would be assigning partners to edit the other person’s paper. I remember looking around the class for the prettiest girl, which was Jen, and saying a quick prayer, “Dear Lord, please assign me with her.”

I just about fell over with shock and excitement when our names were read as partners. I proceeded to write one of the most grammatically awful papers ever (Was this a strategy to spend more time together?). Thankfully, it didn’t scare Jen away. We dated for nearly four years and got married a few weeks after college graduation. We went through pre-marital counseling, like many young couples do, to learn the biblical principles of marriage. It was fantastic guidance in the most foundational areas, but 21-year old me felt there were topics and areas missed in the pre-marital material that would be valuable for Jen and I to talk about.

On our own, we went through our own version of the questions you will find in this article. I remember sitting at Caribou Coffee in Roseville, Minnesota and discussing the question, “Will we still love one another if either of us goes bald or gets fat?” At first glance, you may chuckle at a question like that, but fast forward a few decades in life and this can be an issue for some people impacting marital faithfulness. A simple, focused, real-life question like this helped Jen and I to gain clarity about each-others commitment to life-long marriage, views of divorce, what we valued as most important in a relationship, and even expectations about exercise and physical appearance. Multiply this kind of conversation around all kinds of topics and it proved to be extremely valuable for us as a couple.

I wrote a book called Questions to Ask Before Marriage to help couples discern biblical alignment and marital compatibility and you will get a taste in this article. The purpose of this article is to help you, even if it is in a small way, have a God-honoring, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage! This resource is meant to help dating couples discern God’s path forward as a couple, build trust, engage in good communication, and have fun while doing it! This isn’t a resource about how to prepare for marriage. It’s a resource meant to help couples answer one question, “Is this the person I want to marry?”

Equally yoked

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God. It’s a huge decision that leads to lifelong blessings or challenges. The Bible tells us that we are to marry someone we are equally yoked with, which means that both people trust in Jesus Christ as their Savior and seek to live in obedience to the teachings of the Bible.

The term “equally yoked” is a powerful image of two oxen moving together in the same direction. A yoke is a wooden frame that harnesses two animals together so they can work as a team. The yoke allowed two oxen to pull a plow, cart, or heavy load. The agricultural image presents a biblical principle that applies to marriage. A yoked team of animals operates as one unit, going in the same direction and working to accomplish the same goals. They are one in purpose, one in direction, and one in function and this is to be true of a marriage as well.

A couple needs to be in alignment with their views and values of life to be equally yoked. Imagine a team of two oxen that are unequally yoked. They are pulling against each other, heading in different directions, working toward a different goal, and trying to accomplish a different purpose. A couple can be equally yoked through a strong foundation built on the truth of the Bible and a relationship centered on Jesus Christ.

Strategic conversations about critical areas of life

I’ve been in full time ministry for over twenty-five years and I’ve provided pre-marital counseling for more couples than I can count. One of my goals in pre-marital counseling is to equip a couple with a robust biblical understanding of marriage and sexuality. Couples need to understand God’s purpose for marriage, their biblical role as husband and wife, how to maintain a godly relationship with one another, the biblical view of having and raising children, how to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy, how to navigate sin and forgiveness in marriage, and how their marriage serves God and others.

These topics provide a strong biblical foundation to build a marriage upon, but conflicts and challenges can arise in other areas of a relationship such as parenting styles, emotional health, family health history, navigating extended family relationships, financial habits, how to discipline children, career goals, education plans, sexual expectations, eating habits, lifestyle choices, hobbies, and many other topics that often don’t surface until after a couple says “I do,” live under the same roof, and realize they have a very different approach to certain areas of life, which leads to friction, tension, and problems. Strategic conversations help you share your expectations, dreams, values, and preferences so you avoid potential relationship landmines.

How to use this resource

Jen and I developed a three-step process for our discussions that I recommend you follow: read, discuss, and score. Read the questions 1-3 days before a discussion so that each person has an opportunity to think about their answers. You will increase the depth and quality of conversation when you’ve prepared in advance and avoid “I don’t know” answers.

Discuss the questions. Take as much time as needed. Each person should answer a question thoroughly enough that the other person is satisfied with the answer.

Score the answers to each question. You are seeking alignment in your views and values with one another, centered on Christ. The following scoring system will help you identify when there is agreement, disagreement, or a warning sign. You will see three symbols; a heart which signifies total agreement, a red flag which represents total disagreement, and yellow sign for partial agreement or disagreement. If you are in full agreement, mark the question as a heart. If you cannot get to a place of agreement, mark it as a red flag. If there is a lack of clarity or partial agreement/disagreement, then mark the question as a yellow caution sign. You can expect to have lots of hearts and hopefully very few caution signs or red flags. If you marked something as a yellow sign, come back to it and discuss it until it becomes a heart or red flag.

A red flag is a recognition there is not alignment in an important area of your relationship with one another and it indicates that there could be a serious problem in the future. The best time to recognize there may be a problem is before the wedding, not after you say “I do.” If a red flag exists, then this gives you the opportunity to fully discuss it as a couple. Take a red flag seriously and talk about it. If you consider something to be a red flag, then confront it, and don’t ignore it as “no big deal.” If the red flagged topic is a significant issue to either person and you cannot get to a place of agreement, then this may indicate incompatibility in marriage.

To get started, begin with the first question and work your way down. Go in order and read the question out loud. Each person should answer every question. Mark each question as a heart, red flag, or yellow sign. The questions below are taken from the first section on biblical beliefs from Questions to Ask Before Marriage.

Questions to discuss about biblical beliefs:

  1. What is your testimony? How did you come to faith in Christ? How confident are you of your salvation?
  2. Would you consider yourself more conservative or liberal in your beliefs? Why?
  3. What are your beliefs about Jesus, God, and the Bible?
  4. How would you describe your theological views on the following topics: Calvinism vs Arminianism; infant baptism vs believer’s baptism; the charismatic gifts; creation vs evolution; and feminism.
  5. To you, what are some important, nonnegotiable, biblical principles or priorities? Why?
  6. How do you feel about the church in general? How are you involved and in what ways have you served at your church?
  7. What are your views about attending church and expectations about participating in a small group or Bible study? How involved do you want to be in a local church?
  8. What type of worship service, denomination, and size of church do you prefer? Why?
  9. What are your convictions about abortion, homosexuality, and transgenderism?
  10. Describe your devotional and prayer life. What habits do you practice regularly to help you grow as a Christian? How do you feel about us reading the Bible together and how often? Why?
  11. What are your passions in life? What do you consider to be your purpose in life?
  12. How would you describe your political views?
  13. What are your views about heaven and hell, tattoos, gambling, and alcohol?

Happily ever after

Those three words are something we all long for. Ultimately, happiness is found only in Jesus. But your marriage will contribute significantly to making your life enjoyable or miserable. So, choose wisely who you marry. Remember, marriage lasts for a lifetime so make sure that the person you are dating (or your child is dating) is the person you want to wake up with every morning for the rest of your life.

If you are in a serious dating relationship, know anyone who is in a pre-marriage season, or want to plan ahead when that time arrives, then consider purchasing a copy of Questions to Ask Before Marriage. In total, there are 150 questions. The questions are designed around seven categories: biblical beliefs, marriage, family, personal growth, financial, relational, and physical. This is a great resource to utilize in pre-marital counseling alongside a book that teaches the biblical principles of marriage. During each meeting with the pastor, discuss the answers to a section or two. If there are any questions that create a concern or lead to a disagreement, then it’s helpful to have a godly person to provide wisdom.

I want to help you avoid miserable ever after and arrive at happily ever after. Hopefully, this resource has helped you discern God’s path for you as a couple and answer the question, “Is this the person I want to marry?” May the Lord bless you with a vibrant, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage!

Helping Your Child Learn Personal Responsibility

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My wife and I decided that our children were getting old enough to leave them home alone for short periods of time, so we thought that a fifteen-minute walk down our country gravel road would be a good place to start. We told our children, “You have one job—safety! Make sure everyone is safe.” It seemed simple enough, and we thought, “What can go wrong in fifteen minutes when we are only a couple of blocks away?” It turns out that a lot can go wrong. When we turned into the driveway at the conclusion of the walk, our son came bursting out the back door, screaming at the top of his lungs, holding a rag over his mouth. When he removed the rag, tooth chunks fell to the ground.

After we left for the walk, the children decided to play baseball. In the house. With a full-sized bat and ball. Our son was hit in the mouth with the bat when he was rounding third, headed for home, and his sister had a major league-worthy bat flip after a solid single. Our children didn’t do so well with the small responsibility they were given. It was a teachable moment for our children. We talked about how freedom comes with responsibility, and those responsible with little are often entrusted with more responsibility. We spent thousands of dollars to repair our son’s tooth, but the repair always breaks off, leaving him with half of a front tooth. It is a visual reminder to our children that irresponsible decisions are costly and can be lifelong. God has used that experience, and our children have grown in personal responsibility.

Responsibility is learned through the combination of age-appropriate opportunity plus accountability. It is an art for parents to determine how much responsibility a child is ready to handle. We’ve tried to avoid two opposite ends of the spectrum, giving a child too much responsibility too early or not enough responsibility for their age or maturity level.

Responsibility is the fruit of accepting ownership for something and is displayed through initiative, dependability, and quality effort. Children are by nature irresponsible, so parents need to be prepared to provide unconditional love and see failure as an opportunity for growth. We’ve learned to celebrate small successes when a child is responsible, as this builds confidence, encourages the child to take good risks, and helps them believe they can accomplish difficult tasks.

When a child is young, the parent does everything for the child. Over time, responsibility needs to be transferred to the child so that by the time the child leaves home, they are responsible with time, tasks, money, and the demands of adult life. The ultimate goal is self-government, the ability to exercise all functions without intervention from an external authority.

We do not shelter our children from the consequences of failure, as this is a powerful teacher. If a child is irresponsible and breaks something, he or she must pay for it. Recently one of our children broke a plastic shelf inside our refrigerator door. The replacement part cost $48, which we could have purchased. Instead, our son had to earn the money and replace the item. In the process, he learned responsibility.

We purposefully provide opportunities for our children to be responsible for tasks that stretch them. Our daughter cooks dinner for the family and taught a younger sibling to read. Our pre-teen son played Taps on his bugle for his great-grandfather’s funeral. Our oldest son leads worship for the children’s ministry at our church. We have found that children meet, and often exceed, high expectations and feel honored to be entrusted with a big responsibility.

The opportunities to teach children responsibility are endless—every task, whether small or large, is a building block to teaching a child responsibility. Helping your child learn personal responsibility is an essential aspect of discipleship that will bear fruit in your child’s life and be a blessing to others. How can you help your child learn personal responsibility starting today?

Suggestions for Age-Appropriate Tasks to Teach Responsibility

Determine how much responsibility your child is ready to handle based on his or her maturity level. Some of these tasks may require supervision.

Ages 2-3

  • Pick up toys and books.
  • Dust with socks on their hands.
  • Help make the bed.
  • Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
  • Help feed pets.

Ages 4-5

  • Put away toys after playing.
  • Water plants.
  • Help with preparing food.
  • Help with putting away groceries.
  • Help with setting and clearing the table.

Ages 6-8

  • Take care of pets.
  • Sort and put away laundry.
  • Take out the trash.
  • Keep their room clean.
  • Sweep floors

Ages 9-12

  • Vacuum floors.
  • Load and unload the dishwasher.
  • Help prepare simple meals.
  • Operate the washer and dryer.
  • Clean the bathroom.

Ages 13-18

  • Prepare meals for self and the family.
  • Mow the lawn and do other yard work.
  • Deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms.
  • Wash and vacuum the car.
  • Shop for groceries and other essentials.

After having served as a pastor for nearly 20 years, Josh Mulvihill is now the Executive Director of the Church and Family Ministry at RenewaNation. He has a PhD in Family Ministry and he serves as the vice chairman of the Awana Board. He is the author or editor of 10 books on parenting, grandparenting, and family ministry. He and his wife, Jen, are homeschooling their five children at Prairie Hill Farm in Minnesota. Josh can be found at GospelShapedFamily.com. If you want to read more practical parenting advice, you will want to get the book that he co-authored with his wife titled “50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home,” available at www.shop.renewanation.org.

Discipling Children Using Great Books

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“Oh please, read one more chapter!” Every parent or grandparent who reads with children has heard this request. Some of our fondest memories as a family are around great books read aloud together. We read until 1 a.m. to learn if Janner and Tink would escape from the fangs in the Wingfeather Saga and found ourselves laughing in one moment and crying in the next. We snuggled under warm blankets on the couch as a blizzard raged outside while reading The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder. If the Ingalls could make it through that long winter, so could we! We cheered on Reepicheep for his courage in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and longed to be like him. Reading together bonds the family around a shared culture, builds shared values, creates lasting memories, and provides a great opportunity to communicate God’s truth to a child.

Great books are an incredible tool to disciple a child and should be part of your plan to help the next generation develop a biblical worldview. A great book is a doorway into a world of truth, goodness, delight, and adventure. It introduces us to people and places who would have remained unknown. Good books are extraordinary tools that help us to grow into a wise, mature, and godly person. There are few pleasures as wonderful as curling up with a child and a great book.

The Greatest Book

The Bible is the greatest book the world has ever known. It has sold billions of copies because it is the Word of God to man. JRR Tolkien, a believer, described to CS Lewis, a non-believer, the impact of the Bible on all other books, “The reason all the stories are the same is because there is a story underneath every story.” Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, Frodo in The Lord of the Wings, and Janner in The Wingfeather Saga resonate powerfully because they are Christ figures whose story point us to the most wonderful story. The best stories resonate with the true gospel and the truth in books leads us to gaze toward heaven.

Before our children can glean from the wonderful riches of an excellent book, they need a deep and strong foundation from God’s Word. Utilize the Bible as your main source in discipleship. It leads a child to salvation, answers the big questions of life, teaches right and wrong, provides wisdom for life, and teaches sound doctrine that leads to right thinking on all other subjects. The Bible should be taught early and thoroughly so that it is impressed on the heart and mind of a child. The Bible is the strong foundation for providing a child with an excellent education. In previous times, no one would be considered literate without a basic knowledge of the Bible. Include the Bible in your family reading time. Make Scripture reading a routine. A children’s Bible is a great way to introduce the habit of Bible reading in an interactive way and when children are older, a transition can be made to a full text Bible.

We are people of the book. We are literary people. A book, the Bible, is the primary way that God has chosen for us to know Him. We want our children to be lovers of the book and lovers of books. We want them to be godly, know the Lord Jesus Christ, and love Him with their whole heart. If you read the right books alongside the great book, they can be building blocks to help our children be godly and wise for the price of a library card.

What Makes a Book Great?

John Piper once stated, “Read great books in light of the greatest book for the sake of the great commission.” Great books help us to set our affection on Christ and to accomplish God’s purpose in our life. Great books have substance, not just entertainment value. Books are tools to influence character, stir the imagination, to teach children to think, and to encourage integrity.

Great books expand our vision and alter our life. Allan Bloom, author of The Closing of the American Mind, states “The failure to read great books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency—the belief that the here and now is all there is.” Great books help us learn from those who have come before, to live in light of eternity, and to align our life with biblical morality.

The best books reflect real life. They contain heart-ache, sadness, death, sin, and problems. They also contain celebration, joy, life, salvation, and happy endings. They help us to savor life and understand pain. A great book is authentic to life and is able to captivate the imagination of a reader. Proverbs 25:11 states, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” The crafting of words to stir the heart, awaken emotion, and subtly communicate truth is a gift that the best books offer.

A great book has stood the test of time. Is there a reason a book is still in print one hundred years after being written? In addition, you can’t put a great book down. Is your child begging for another chapter? That’s the sign of a great book. A bad book is a big thief. While there are many wonderful, entertaining, or good books you could read to children or grandchildren, my encouragement is to only read the best of the best. Great books are the ones you will want to keep in your family library, provide as gifts to your children and grandchildren on their birthdays, read over and over, and will be cherished for years to come. The mark of a great book is when we catch our children reading it under the covers with a flashlight, after they were told to go to bed. It takes time and energy to find the best books, but it’s worth the effort.

What About Screens?

Great books can replace screens. The famous author Roald Dahl eloquently states, “So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.” Reading is an act of resistance and worldview shaping. You get to decide what you read. The screen decides what you see and watch.

How do you get a child to read books? According to Gladys Hunt, author Honey for a Child’s Heart, child will gravitate to the passions of parents, whether that is books or screens. She states, “If television is more important to parents than books, the children will likely choose the same….The allurement of the screen is no small thing, but television, for the most part, has betrayed its potential. It is responsible for dumbing-down and coarsening the fabric of our society. It keeps pushing at the edge of questionable behavior, and in many homes is a monster in the living room, all chairs facing the screen awaiting the next available amusement.” If we are never excited about books, why would our children get excited about them?

If screens dominate your home, make books a replacement. If you put out grapes alone, your children will eat it and love it. If you provide grapes and ice cream, children will choose ice cream. The same is true with books and screens. You have to remove screens so children love books.

Read Aloud

The best way to experience a great book is to read it aloud. Whether a child is five or fifteen, great books will capture a child’s attention. For those who think that I need a “boy’s book” for my boy or a “girl’s book” for my girl, consider the words of C.S. Lewis, “A children’s story which is enjoyed only by children is a bad children’s story. The good ones last.” The great books transcend age, time, sex and can be read to an entire family.

A parent is a child’s best teacher and books read aloud are a parent’s best tool. There are few things more significant that you can do for your child or grandchild than read to them. No parent knows everything, so invite Francis and Edith Schaefer, CS Lewis, and George McDonald into your living room to help you shape the hearts of your family. Reading aloud books from these authors will create a rich learning environment in your home. Research has found that reading a story gives the brain similar network connections as actually living through an experience yourself. Reading aloud provides your children with what they long for most, time with you.

Your children already love stories. Harness that love. There is no such thing as a child who doesn’t like stories, so find the best ones. If they don’t love reading, it just means you haven’t found the right books yet. Children rarely stumble upon great books by themselves, they must be introduced to them, and you can do this through a read aloud.

What About Fantasy and Fairy Tales?

Read children fantasy and fairy tales. It will not create the false impression of the world they live in or deceive them to believe lies. Instead, it will do the opposite. CS Lewis states, “fairy land arouses a longing for he knows not what. It stirs and troubles him (to his lifelong enrichment) with the dim sense of something beyond his reach and, far from dulling or emptying the actual world, gives it a new dimension of depth.” GK Chesterton adds a compelling reason, “Fairy tales do not tell children dragons exist. Children already know the dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children dragons can be defeated.”

What a tragedy to never experience the worlds of Narnia, the Hundred Acre Woods, Wonderland, the Wild Wood, or Beatrix Potter. Give your children large doses of Roald Dahl, Marguerite de Angeli, and E.B. White. Read them stories with talking animals like The Green Ember and The Wind in the Willows. Enjoy epic hero tales of adventure like 100 Cupboards, Homer Price, and Henry Huggins. Fairy tales plant seeds of truth that find a way into the minds and hearts of children in unexpected ways.

CS Lewis received many questions about whether or not it was appropriate for children to read fantasy and believed, “Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage” and he added, “Let there be wicked kings and beheadings, battles and dungeons, giants and dragons, and let villains be soundly killed at the end of the book. Nothing will persuade me that this causes an ordinary child any kind or degree of fear beyond what it wants, and needs, to feel.” The person who disagrees cannot read the greatest book, the Bible, to a child for it is filled with death, blood, sex, and evil. This tells the reader, I am reading something that is authentic and true, for my knowledge of the world is one of death, violence, pain, adventure, courage and cowards, good and evil. To withhold that is to give our children a false impression of a world that does not exist and prepares a child for the battles he or she will face in the real world.

Reading is the doorway into all learning. Reading great books is an incredible tool parents and grandparents can utilize to help a child develop a biblical worldview. Give great books as gifts. Fill your home with the best books. Leave them all around the house. Children will see one, pick it up, and start reading. Let children read easy books and ditch books they don’t like. Make reading enjoyable! Let children see you reading. If you don’t know how to read aloud, start with a great audio book. Pay attention to authors and publishers you love. If you like one of their books, chances are that you will enjoy more. Chose a great book and begin to read it aloud to your family today!

Biblical Counseling

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Providing Hope and Help for Hurting Families

Ministry to families is more than training and resources; it must include the provision of hope and help to hurting families through care and counseling. God designed the family to be the source of our deepest loves, our most beloved relationships, and to provide care for the needs of its members. In a perfect would, we should associate the family with feelings of joy, the thought of home should bring to mind wonderful memories, and it should function as God designed it. Unfortunately, for a growing number of people, the family is a place of brokenness, pain, hurt, divorce, abuse, betrayal, and conflict. This is real family ministry, and we need to be prepared to provide hope in Christ and help from God’s Word.

Three Ways the Church Can Care for and Provide Counseling to Hurting Families:

1. Families ministering to families

Families need to be in community with other families in the church. There are many practical benefits when this happens, but a huge one is care and counseling. This will account for two-thirds of the needs that families have. Bedtime struggles, the basics of biblical discipline, and how to navigate media usage in the home are all topics parents can help one another with.

I’ve found that families ministering to families happens organically as they spend time together and get to know one another. Sunday morning discipleship classes, small groups, serving together, and church gatherings all provide opportunities for families to be in relationship with one another so that care can occur.

Families need a biblical vision for what relationships looks like in a congregation, and one way this is accomplished is by teaching the “one another” passages in the Bible. The phrase “one another” occurs 100 times in the New Testament; of those, fifty-nine times are specific commands teaching how to, or how not to, relate to one another. Obedience to these commands forms the basis for Christian community and care for one another. Here are a few of the “one anothers” that should shape our care for each other:

  • Love one another (John 13:34)
  • Honor one another above yourselves (Rom. 12:10)
  • Build up one another (Rom. 14:19)
  • Care for one another (1 Cor. 12:25)
  • Serve one another (Gal. 5:13)
  • Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)
  • Bear with one another (Eph. 4:2)
  • Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other (Eph. 4:32)
  • Look to the interests of one another (Phil. 2:4)
  • Teach one another (Col. 3:16)
  • Comfort one another (1 Thess. 4:18)
  • Encourage one another (1 Thess. 5:11)
  • Show hospitality to one another (1 Pet. 4:9)
  • Pray for one another (James 5:16)

I don’t know about you, but I would love to be part of a church that strives to live out these relational principles! Care for others is often messy, is rarely convenient, and it requires sacrifice, but it’s such a joy to both give and receive. Let us avoid centralizing all care in a congregation through the pastor and staff, but rather equip the saints for the work of ministry to one another.

2. Community and support groups

Community group and support group leaders are the front line of pastoral care and should be pastored and equipped with great intentionality. Community groups often take the form of a Bible study or an adult Sunday morning class. The individuals who lead these groups have opportunities on a weekly basis to care for the needs of others. The leader should create the kind of group that is attentive to the needs of others, provides the margin so that care can occur, and leads by example in caring for others.

One of the most effective ways to navigate specific, reoccurring needs is to establish a support group around a topic. Our church offers support groups for parents who foster and adopt, for divorce care, and for teen mothers, as well as Grandparents@Prayer (covers a wide variety of topics). The Bible gives the church a special call to care for individuals when their family falls apart or when someone finds themselves without a biological family. The Bible states, “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6 niv). We are told to “visit orphans and widows in their affliction” (James 1:27). We have found support groups an effective way to do this as a church.

3. Pastoral counseling

Biblical counseling addresses the problems we experience as we live in a sinful and broken world. Counseling is the problem-solving side of discipleship. Biblical counseling is a Word-based ministry, based on the Bible, just like preaching. Preaching is giving truth to a wide audience. Counseling is giving biblical truth to a specific audience. One of the reasons the counseling load in today’s churches is so heavy is because our preaching is so light. Biblical counseling is the private ministry of the Word of God applied to specific needs of individuals.

The primary goal of counseling is maturity in Christ through repentance, trust, and obedience to God, and reconciliation with others. The focus of biblical counseling is righteousness. Sometimes the sin of a family member creates consequences for themselves and other times it creates consequences for their family members. Healthy families are not the goal of biblical counseling. Healthy families are a by-product of a right relationship with Christ, obedience to God, and surrender to Him.

The Ministry of Counseling

Biblical counseling is an instructional ministry. It is informed by Romans 15:14, where Paul tells the Roman church that they are “filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.” Paul tells this local body of believers they are competent to counsel one another because they are Spirit-filled believers equipped with the sufficient Word of God. Paul implies that the Romans had no need to go outside the church for counseling instruction, especially from unbelievers.

Biblical counseling is also shaped by 1 Corinthians 2:4–6, where Paul states that the message he gave to the Corinthian church was not based on the wisdom of this age or of men, but rather the wisdom of God. When we apply this passage to counseling, it means the foundation of our instruction is to be based on the wisdom of God from the Bible, not the wisdom of man found in secular psychology.

The king of all counseling passages is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “And we urge you brothers, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.” Individuals have different counseling needs. Paul mentions four types of people that are helpful to consider.

Admonish the unruly. Unruly is a military term meaning to stray from one’s post. If you are unruly, you have broken rank and are out of line. What would this look like in Thessalonica? Some in the church thought Christ was coming back soon, so they decided not to help in the community. They broke from the expected pattern of community involvement and disengaged. Paul uses a strong word: admonish. This conveys sitting someone down face-to-face and saying, “Let’s get some things straight.” This is firm instruction. This is not dialogue, but authoritative input that one’s behavior is destructive and harms the community. Many of us shy away from admonishing someone who is wayward. It’s not easy to sit down with someone and say, “I care about you but the way you’re living is out of step with what God expects from you.” If anyone has loved you enough to have this kind of conversation, you know it stings, but it also produces the fruit of righteousness.

Encourage the fainthearted. For whatever reason, this person is discouraged. They are losing hope. They are seeing the negative side of life. They may be ready to give up. Encouragement for this person means that we are sympathetic and caring. The fainthearted don’t need a pep talk. They don’t need to be scolded. They need someone to get close to them, to speak tenderly, and to provide comfort. Encouragement for this person means to infuse heart, strength, and a will to continue. In the Thessalonian church there were some people who needed comfort over friends who had died (1 Thess. 4:13) and what would happen in the future (1 Thess. 5:1–11). This person needed to be refreshed and needed hope in Christ.

Help the weak. This means that we give aid. We provide assistance that helps someone to do something. The literal translation is “hold fast to the weak.” We won’t let them fall. This type of encouragement refers to those who will crumble under life’s pressure. This person has grown weary. Their resources in life do not allow them to make the next step. The idea is that with our help, they are able to move forward in life. This person needs someone to put their arm around them and say, “Together we can do this.” We can take the next step together. What did this look like for the Thessalonians? Paul was fearful that they would crumble under the pressure of temptation (1 Thess. 3:5). So what does Paul do to encourage them? He sends Timothy (1 Thess. 3:2). When life gets rough, we all need a Timothy!

Be patient with everyone. This sums up the three modes of encouragement in one. It reminds us that we are all still growing and that no one is perfect. Thankfully, God is not finished with us yet. Paul’s encouragement is that we bear with others and put up with them for a long journey. We are in a relational marathon. It requires a commitment on our end to admonish people when they step out of line, comfort others when they are faint of heart, and support one another when we are weak. We need to hang in there with people no matter where they’re at on the spectrum. Dealing with the unruly, the fainthearted, and the weak is not a quick fix. One conversation isn’t going to solve the issue. We are reminded to be patient in our counseling.

We have marriages, parents, and grandparents affected in each of these categories. Use them to diagnose what each person needs and the steps you will take to help them. Paul tells us the source of encouragement is our relationship with Christ, “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word” (2 Thess. 2:16–17 niv). Ultimately, it is Jesus Christ and the Bible that provide the hope and help to care for hurting families.

Your plan to minister to families should include a care and counseling strategy. Who will provide the counseling? What kind of counseling will they provide? How do families communicate a need for help? How will you train individuals to provide counseling? Which families are currently struggling in your church or school? What are their problems? Answers to these types of questions will help you begin the planning process for a counseling strategy. There are parents and grandparents in your church or school who are struggling to disciple their children or grandchildren because of problems in their home. God has given you the wonderful opportunity to provide hope and help to hurting families through care and counseling.

The article is an excerpt from the book Family Ministry: How Your Church Can Shepherd Parents and Grandparents to Make Disciples by Josh Mulvihill and is available at renewanation.org.

6 Questions to Evaluate if Children’s Ministry Curriculum is Biblically Sound

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There are many different children’s ministry curriculums to choose from, but many of them are Bible-lite, doctrinally-deficient, man-centered, and moralistic. We have to look past the marketing claims, sales pitch, and well-designed images to dig deep enough to understand the theology, educational philosophy, and teaching methods that function as the foundation the curriculum is designed upon. There are more than 200 children’s ministry curriculums to choose from and it can be overwhelming to sift through the options. Here are a few questions to help you assess curriculum:

    1. Are the materials used biblically faithful? Does the curriculum accurately teach passages of Scripture in context? Does the curriculum use a verse as a launch pad into a different topic? Does the curriculum make an object lesson the lesson? Does the curriculum use Bible verses as proof texts or passages of scripture as the foundation of the lesson? Are passages correctly interpreted? Who wrote the curriculum and what is their theology? We want to make sure that children learn the original intent and meaning of the Scripture they are studying.
    2. What is the focus of the curriculum? Is the focus on God and His story or man and his story? Is the curriculum God-centered or man-centered? Does the curriculum focus so heavily on rebellion and salvation that children don’t learn systematic theology or gain moral skillfulness from the grand narrative of Scripture? Does the curriculum lift the eyes of children to the greatness and glory of God or present a diminished view of God? How does the curriculum present morality and what is the connection to God (pay attention for legalism, licentiousness, moralism)? Does the curriculum teach children the whole counsel of God’s Word or a reductionistic version? Every children’s ministry curriculum has a focus and we must carefully assess if it is the focus of the Bible.
    3. Will children gain skills that will transfer into their life? Does the curriculum model how to read a passage of scripture, how to interpret it, and how to apply it to life? Does the curriculum teach children how to rightly handle God’s Word, read it, and memorize it? Are there skills that will transfer beyond the curriculum into the life of a child? Does the curriculum primarily teach children Bible stories or does it give them skills in how to correctly approach God’s Word? We want to use the time we have with children intentionally to help them develop sustainable Bible study habits and skills.
    4. Does the curriculum teach children to think biblically? Does the curriculum help children develop a biblical worldview about origins, purpose in life, view of God, the Bible, manhood and womanhood, marriage, the church, the person and work of Jesus, how to live in the world, the problem of sin, and salvation through Christ? Does the curriculum help children to think critically about the views of the world and test ideas according to the Bible? Do you notice cultural buzzwords or concepts that have crept into the curriculum? Children will not be faithful to a faith they do not understand and cannot defend.
    5. How will parents be supported in their God-designed role with their children? Does the curriculum include tools to communicate regularly and effectively with parents? Does the curriculum provide resources to help parents disciple their children at home? \Many curriculums unintentionally become the primary means of discipleship for a child so we want to support and encourage parents in their discipleship role.
    6. What is the educational philosophy of the curriculum? How does the curriculum define education? According to the curriculum, what is the purpose of educating children? Is there clarity about what education is, who is responsible for it, and how God commands us to educate children? What are the teaching methods that the curriculum utilizes and how does the curriculum connect these methods to scripture? Does the curriculum rely on video or live teachers? Does the curriculum use a one-sized fits all educational approach or are the different stages of a child’s development reflected in the curriculum? Many curriculums are marketed as easy-to-use and engaging, but children are not learning God’s Word or being transformed by it.

The next time you evaluate curriculum, use these six questions to help you evaluate a biblically sound curriculum that will shape the hearts and minds of children. Do your research and dig deeply!

Countering Common Objections to Christian Education

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Many arguments are made against Christian education by parents and even some pastors. The most common objections will be responded to in this article.

Objection #1: Christian education shelters children from the real world.

The Truman Show was a blockbuster movie that told the story of a man named Truman Burbank. He grew up living what he thought was an ordinary life, but unbeknownst to him, the world he lived in was a large set for a 24/7 reality television show with thousands of hidden cameras, populated with actors, and he was the unsuspecting star. Truman’s hometown Seahaven Island is a set built within an enormous dome, which allows the producer to control every aspect of Truman’s life, including the weather. As the movie progresses, Truman begins discovering unusual elements, starts to question his life, and begins a journey to discover the truth about his world. His journey leads him on a long trip where he runs into the wall of the dome and discovers a nearby staircase leading to an exit door. As Truman considers leaving his world, the producer speaks directly to Truman through a speaker system and tries to persuade him to stay by claiming that there is no more truth in the real world than in his artificial one, where he will have nothing to fear. After a moment of contemplation, Truman bows to the audience and exits.

Millions of children are living a different version of The Truman Show based on an artificial world, except it is called public school. Public education presents a world where God does not exist and is irrelevant to life. In the illusionary world taught to children at public schools, the universe came into existence through evolution, children can choose if they are a boy or girl, and marriage can be between two men or two women. It is a fantasy world where morality is a social construct and promiscuous sex is a good thing. Parents who send a child to public education aren’t preparing children for the real world. They are introducing them to an artificial world built on faulty beliefs and the results are devastating for children. Like Truman, it’s time for parents to exit the artificial world of public education for the real world of Christian education.

In the real world, God reigns as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. In the real world, God created the universe, He defines what it means to be human and what marriage is and is not. In the real world, morality is based on God’s absolute, unchanging law found in the Bible. The real world is a place where God is sovereign, where He controls the laws of science, gave us language and mathematics, created the world to display Himself, and is the author of all history. Good Christian education teaches these life-giving truths and helps children become deeply rooted in the Christian faith while exposing children to worldly ideas to be analyzed through the Bible (Col. 2:6-8; 2 Cor. 10:5).

Education should be built on a strong Christian foundation not an artificial world. If the choices a young person makes are to be good ones, this person must understand the true reality of the world and understand the framework for truth. In biblical language, this is called knowledge. This is why the Bible says that the fear of the Lord begins with knowledge (Prov. 1:7). This of course is not any knowledge, but knowledge of the truth; that God exists and He created the world for a purpose, that we are sinners, and Jesus is the only Savior. These truths are the essential knowledge that a true education teaches and reinforces. If parents want to teach children about the real world, then the only choice is Christian education.

Objection #2: I went to a public school and I love Jesus.

Many Christian parent’s rationalize that they went to a public school and still love Jesus, so why shouldn’t their children do the same? I know smokers who never got cancer and obese individuals who never had heart disease. Certainly, we wouldn’t point to these instances as a reason to start smoking or eating poorly. We can also point to Christian children who went to a public school and love Jesus. Similarly, we would be unwise to use the positive outcomes of the few as justification for school choice. We must remember that the end never justifies the means and experience is not our standard of authority. Please do not make the mistake of using your experience, or that of others, as the standard for your educational decisions. The Bible must be our authority and it tells us the what, why, who, and how of education. In addition, public schools today are fundamentally different than the public school you remember and exponentially more secular in every way. Gone are the days when chewing gum in class and running in the halls where the biggest concerns in public education. Christianity and biblical morality have largely been banned from schools and replaced with a woke agenda, LGBTQ ideology, declining academics, escalating violence, an anti-family agenda, and atheism in curriculum. Voddie Baucham once said, “We cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans.” We would be wise to recognize this reality.

Objection #3: Parents choose Christian education because of fear rather than trusting God.

The primary reason Christian parents should pursue Christian education is to obey the commands of Scripture so that they raise children to know, love, and serve Christ their whole life. The Bible has a lot to say about education using the words knowledge, learn, instruct, teach, wise, mind, and think. The Bible is very prescriptive about what children are to be taught (Deut. 4:9; Ps. 78:4; Ps. 34:11), who is to instruct a child (parents, grandparents, and the church, not the government), the purpose of education (2 Tim. 3:17; Col. 1:28-29; Col. 2:6-8), and how children are to be taught (Deut. 6:7-9; 2 Tim. 3:14-15; Eph. 6:4). The biblical vision for a child’s education is centered on and saturated with God’s Word, God’s laws, God’s work, God’s character, the fear of God, and godly living.

The Bible also provides principles about what Christians are to think about and the kind of people Christians are to be around. Paul tells the church at Philippi, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8). Christians are called to meditate on God’s Word day and night (Josh. 1:8). We are told that “bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33) and that education is discipleship where the student becomes like the teacher (Luke 6:40). If anything, it is the fear of the Lord that drives parents to choose Christian education, not fear of man. Parents cannot accomplish what God instructs through public education; therefore, it should not even be an option for consideration.

Objection #4: You should send your children to a public school to evangelize others.

The desire to be salt and light and share the gospel with others is a noble thing, but it is a fundamentally flawed argument as a motive for choosing public education. Jesus never said, “Go and be salt and light.” He said, “You are the light of the world.” We are already salt and light to a dark world and we are called to live this out right now, not use this as justification to immerse a child in a world of darkness. Christian schools and homeschools are salt and light to public education and a dark world. Unbelievers ought to see the attractiveness of Christian education and be drawn to it and to Christ. Christian education is an evangelistic engine to lead children to saving faith in Jesus Christ. According to the Bible, the gospel is to be central to teaching children (Ps. 78:5-7). Paul tells Timothy to continue in what he has learned as a young child, “which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:14-15). What led to saving faith for Timothy? He was taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the teaching of the Bible. Any form of education where the gospel is not central and regularly proclaimed is a departure from Scripture.

Public education may be a mission field, but this does not require the missionaries to be children, nor does it limit the church from evangelizing non-Christian children in their community in other ways and at other times. Solders are not sent into battle until being trained, and this is also to be true for Christian children. Evangelism should happen at public schools, but it is through the effort of Christian adults. As a pastor, I was invited to speak every year to all the eighth graders in one of the largest school districts in Minnesota. I was given a full class period for an entire day during the unit on world religions in history class to explain Christianity and I would share the gospel with every eight grader in our community. As a church, we share the gospel with hundreds and hundreds of children through Awana, VBS, ministry in community parks, camps, retreats, and countless other ways throughout the year. The children at public schools can be evangelized in these kinds of ways.

Education is an evangelistic endeavor where children are the objects of mission, not the agents of mission. To confuse these two items is a major error. Would you send your child to a Muslim, Mormon, or Hindu school? Parents are wise enough to recognize that this would be highly problematic for their child. Public education is highly religious in every way with its own secular creeds and doctrine. Children are taught what to believe about the origin of all things, the purpose of life, the meaning of marriage, what it means to be a man or woman, what went wrong in the world, what is the solution, and are provided a secular moral code to live by. Public education has removed God and substituted man in His place. There is no such thing as religious neutrality in public education. Secular humanists, such as Charles Potter, have been very open about this fact for decades. He states, “Education is thus a most powerful ally of humanism, and every American school is a school of humanism. What can a theistic Sunday School meeting for an hour once a week and teaching only a fraction of the children do to stem the tide of the five-day program of humanistic teaching?” Children from Christian homes are being evangelized and then catechized to believe in the religion of secular humanism. Public schools are winning huge numbers of converts from Christian homes. Education is evangelistic and this is why every child from a Christian home needs a Christian education.

Objection #5: Parents can unteach and reteach their children after school to counter secular thinking.

Parents who are careful about their child’s diet, medications, or media are often far more lenient as to the sort of mental ideas offered to children in education. Every idea is like a seed that is placed in the soil of a child’s heart that grows over time and produces deep roots that are not easily removed. Parents try to convince themselves that a strong, rich home with Christian teaching can offset the false teaching of public schools. This perspective ignores the plain teaching of Scripture that what is sown today will be reaped later. Children spend approximately 16,000 hours at school between K-12th grade and the seeds sown from atheistic secularism will likely be absorbed, in part or total, by children. As a pastor, I often had parents urgently ask for help in the late middle school or early high school years. By this point, the seeds had become invasive weeds and the student would proclaim they no longer believed in God, did not want to attend church, hated his or her parents, or embraced LGBTQ ideas.

If I were to name this approach, I would call it educational bulimia. The child consumes secularism seven to eight hours a day and is encouraged to vomit it up after school. I don’t know a single parent who thinks it’s a good idea for a child to literally drink poison and then purge it later, yet somehow this is acceptable for the soul and mind day after day. It is questionable if such a method is even successful and what lasting impact there will be on the child. Can an hour or two of discussion neutralize a week of influence on a child? Will parents fully be aware what the child is learning from curriculum, peers, and multiple teachers? Is it realistic that a parent will read everything and watch everything to know what is being taught in detail? Are schools and young children reliable and trustworthy to accurately and regularly communicate what is being taught? If Christians are spitting out the views and values upon tasting them, then why continue consuming them? If a child was in Christian education, such a radical approach would not be needed. The best choice is to avoid educational poison and provide a healthy educational meal.

Objection #6: Christian education is too expensive.

Christian education is expensive, but we must think according to biblical principles first and order our life accordingly. The reality is that the cost of non-Christian education is far more costly from an eternal perspective. We may need to make financial sacrifices, but it is well worth it to know that this increases the likelihood of our children walking in the truth and spending eternity with Jesus. For some parents, selfishness and misplaced priorities are the real problem, not the cost of Christian education. There are individuals who value a large home, a new car, an exotic vacation, time at the gym, don’t want to do the hard work of homeschooling, or financially sacrifice for Christian education. It is not a money problem, but a heart problem. One couple told me that they feared what their friends and family would say if they chose Christian education for their children. A major problem is that Christians began educating their children like the world. Now, Christians are allowing the world to educate their children and are paying a huge price.

Jen and I have sacrificed significantly to homeschool our five children. However, what we first believed was a sacrifice has become a huge blessing in our life. God has provided more richly than we ever could have imagined. This didn’t happen overnight. There were some lean years financially, but I cannot think of a better investment in a child than Christian education. For Jen and I, choosing Christian education was a step of faith and an act of trust that God has honored. For many individuals reading this article, you know the value of Christian education and understand the commands of the Bible. What is needed is a step of faith and belief that God will provide a way. I encourage you to set your objections aside and choose Christian education.

New Resource: My Story Guidebook for Small Groups or Sunday Classes

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In Psalm 78, God instructs older generations to tell younger generations about the work of God and His nature so young people will set their hope in God and keep His commands. The Psalmist states, “Tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders He has done. He established a testimony in Jacob.” God wants us to report to future generations what God has done in our life. God wants us to share our story and talk about our experience with God. God is very specific regarding what we are to talk about: His deeds, His might, and His wonders. Our story isn’t the point, it’s the pointer.

According to the Bible, our story is a means of describing the work of God and His nature. It is our testimony recounting what God has done and who God is. We read, “God has established a testimony in Jacob” (Ps. 78:5). God has also established a testimony in every Christian and He wants us to tell it. We can ask questions such as, “How has God worked in our life? How has He proven faithful? How has He provided for us? What have we learned about God throughout our life? Do our children or grandchildren know about our God stories?”

One method to tell our story is to create a written record to pass on to our children and grandchildren. The Bible utilizes this method to encourage future generations to praise God, “Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord” (Ps. 102:18). God has chosen the written Word as the key method to draw us to Christ and deepen our faith (2 Tim. 3:15; Col. 1:28) and we can do the same by recording our story in writing for our children and grandchildren.

Are You Looking for Help Writing Your Story?

My Story Groups are designed to help Christians write their faith story and capture meaningful memories that will strengthen their children’s and grandchildren’s faith in Christ. My Story Groups were created because many individuals have the best intentions to write their story, but sometimes struggle to accomplish this goal on their own. Recently, my father presented my children (his grandchildren) with his written testimony and the details about not knowing Christ in his childhood or teenage years, coming to faith in college, growing in faith as a young man and newly married couple, and wisdom he wanted to pass on to his grandchildren. My dad’s faith story is a wonderful gift to my children that I pray God uses to draw them to Him and establish a deep faith in their heart. My Story groups help you to write your story and pass it on to your family as a tool to grow their faith in Christ.

The My Story Guidebook is designed around community. Gathering in community with other Christians helps us complete the task of writing our story because we are cheered on by others, inspired by other people’s stories, and supported when we get stuck. The My Story Guidebook can be used in a small group setting, a Sunday School class, or even by Zoom. The guidebook provides details about how to launch and lead a My Story Group. It walks you through how to facilitate, plan, and promote your group. The resource provides sessions and topics of discussion, a group covenant, tips to start and finish writing your story, resources, and some ideas about how to share your faith story with your children or grandchildren. 

The My Story Guidebook is available as a digital download for $7.99 or as a book for $9.99. 

We have seen My Story Groups become transformative for those who wrote their faith stories and those who received them, bearing fruit and impacting individuals in countless and unseen ways. When we share our story, we are honoring the biblical command to tell the next generation about God. Gather with a group of parents, grandparents, or fellow believers and write your story today and bless your family tomorrow. 

Doing Math, Indoctrinating Children, and Lies Children Believe

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Doing Math to the Glory of God

A new school year is upon us. I’ve begun to see first day of school pictures on social media so I thought it would be good to think about a school related topic: math. Math was one of the most difficult subjects for me as a child. I received poor grades and needed extra tutoring just to pass. I never loved math. Because I went to a public school for half of my education, I never learned why math works or the motive for learning math. Math makes sense because God created an orderly world. The laws of math are a testimony to God himself. The Bible itself talks a lot about math. In fact, it has a book of the Bible titled Numbers and has a lot of guidance about how we are to be good stewards with money and resources. Math became more bearable for me as I student in college when I was given some reasons to learn it — to serve God through engineering (so we can build a bridge to be a blessing in our city or to reach an unreached people group) and personal finances. The Bible calls us to do all things to the glory of God, including math. In this article, John Piper provides some valuable thoughts that may be worth reading and sharing with your child as you start a new year of math. 

Indoctrinate Your Children or Someone Else Will

Allie Beth Stuckey wisely recognizes that children are always being indoctrinated. Indoctrination isn’t the problem. The bigger question is who is doing the indoctrination and what children are being encouraged to believe and act upon. Allie suggests that children are being encouraged to love self, which is the opposite is what the Gospel calls us to in Scripture. Allie asks parents to consider what worldview we want our children to have and how media and education are shaping their beliefs. The good news is that God has given us the tools we need to accomplish the tasks He has called us to. Through the help of a Bible believing local church and a commitment to making Christ the priority of our lives and hopes, we can saturate our children in the truths of Scripture and entrust them to Lord. To read the article, click here. 

7 Lies Our Children are Encouraged to Believe

We are in a battle for the hearts and minds of our children. In any battle, it is always helpful to know the tactics of the enemy or any details of the strategy to win a war. Elizabeth Urbanowicz shares some of the more common lies from our society that children are in danger of absorbing. It is helpful to recognize these messages so that we can discuss them with our children and help them to reject them as they are encountered. One of the goals we have had with our children is to the be first and loudest voice and to help them understand the truth so that they can reject lies. This video is a little over an hour in length, perfect to watch while folding laundry, preparing a meal, or watching after the kids go to bed (or even with older children). 

Speaking Schedule Over the Next Three Months

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I would appreciate your prayers that God would do a divine work in the hearts and minds of those I have the privilege of speaking to over the next three months. I have more than 35 talks and 15 trips, so it’s going to be a very busy stretch. Here is a quick summary of my summer and fall speaking calendar. If I’m coming to your church, city, or state, I would love to connect!

Southeast Homeschool Expo in Georgia

Jen and I fly to Atlanta for a two day event called the Southeast Homeschool Expo where we will speak six times on July 30-31. I’m excited that Jen and I have the opportunity to do this together!

Parenting With a Plan in Virginia

Jen and I are providing a two day parenting conference on August 27-28 based on our new book 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home and then I’m preaching at the Sunday services at EastLake Community Church. 

Parenting Getaway for Pastors and Christian Educators in Tennessee

We are hosting 26 couples at Manderely camp in Tennessee. This event is specifically for pastors or Christian educators to help them design a discipleship plan for their children and implement family ministry in their organization. There is no cost to attend, other than paying airfare. We have space for about six additional couples, if interested, let me know. Dates are September 8-10. 

Parenting Event in Minnesota

Woodcrest Church is providing a parenting event on Sept. 15 and 22 to equip their families. I will be speaking on Expanding Your Family Discipleship Vision and Discipling Children: 8 Spiritual Practices Every Parent and Grandparent Can Do. If you are in Minnesota, would love to see you there. No cost to attend. 

Parenting Conference, Grandparenting Events, and Preaching in Virginia

I will be speaking at a Friday night and Saturday morning parenting conference, preaching on Sunday at Parkway House of Prayer, and providing a grandparenting event on Sunday evening September 24-26 in Roanoke, Virginia. 

Mega Con Children’s Ministry Conference in Tennessee

I’m looking forward to being at Mega Con for the first time. Approximately 2,000 children’s pastors and staff will gather for a couple of days of encouragement and equipping. I’ll be at the Renewanation booth and providing a couple of breakouts on Discipling Children. If you are in children’s ministry and attending, make sure to stop by and say hi! October 5-7.

Lake Region Christian School in Minnesota

I get to travel to northern Minnesota on Oct. 15 to speak at grandparents day for the school. I may also have to see if the fish are biting!

Legacy Grandparent Summit in Alabama

I will be gathering with over 1,000 of my closest grandparenting friends in Birmingham, Alabama on Oct. 21-22 for the fourth national grandparenting conference. This event will be simulcast to more than 30 locations. I had the joy of helping launch the Legacy Coalition a number of years ago, so I’m excited to see everyone! I will provide a main stage talk on Shaping the Worldview of Grandchildren.

Mid-America Association of Christian Schools Conference in Missouri

I will be a main stage speaker at the 38th annual educators conference and hosting a table at the event on Nov. 3-5.

Intentional Grandparenting Conference in South Carolina

I’m joining a handful of other speakers including Cavin Harper and Larry McCall to speak to a group of grandparents in South Carolina on Nov. 5-6. 

Parenting Conference in Texas

As the weather gets cooler in Minnesota, it’s nice to escape to some warm destinations. I will head south to Katy, Texas where I will provide a parenting conference at BridgePoint Church on Nov. 12-13. 

If you are in any of these locations, would love to see you. And would love your prayers that God would work in each of these events in the hearts and minds of those I interact with. If you are interested in bringing me to your church, school, or city let me know! I’m currently booked through April 2022 so taking requests for summer and fall of 2022. 

Single Parent Statistics, Education Alternatives, and Discipling a Drop Out

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I have a handful of resources that I wanted to let you know about as I found each of them helpful in different ways. 

Single Parent Statistics

The number of single parent homes in the United States continues to grow. Today, more than one out of every three children will be born to a single parent home. The impact this will have on children, families, and society is significant. Ministry leaders must be mindful of supporting and ministering to single parents as they will need additional help. Parents should work extra diligently to help their children understand the consequences of an out of wedlock birth or divorce. One of the biblical methods to detour young people from negative choices is to show them the consequences and allow them to feel the weight of sinful decisions. Grandparents are given a God-designed surrogate role to step into the family when there are needs such as single parenting. If you are interested in seeing single parent statistics, click here. You can search by state to get a clear picture of the need in your area. 

Education Alternatives for Public School

I recently read that California, New York, and Detroit will require children to wear masks when they return to school this fall. I imagine additional cities and states will be added to the list. In Minnesota, where I live, parents are fighting hard right now to ensure masks are not worn this fall, but that is yet to be determined. Parents are also waking up to many of the radical and unbiblical things their children are taught at school. If there was a silver lining to Covid, the shift to online school allowed parents to see what children were being taught. The LGBTQ agenda, comprehensive sex education, critical race theory (also called equity), and an anti-American agenda are a sampling of what public school has become. As a result, public school attendance dropped by 2.36 percent nationally, which equated to over 1.5 million children. The initial indication is that more parents are removing children for this upcoming school year and, I believe for Christians, this is a wise choice. There are three great options for families to consider: homeschooling, Christian school, or live online classes. 

How to Disciple a Church Drop Out

Jared Wilson has written a helpful article called How to Disciple Your Kids Into Church Drop Out Status. This isn’t a feel good article, but for any parent who wants to see their children grow up with lifelong faith in Christ and faithful commitment to a local body of believers, then this is an article worth reading. There is no shortage of research available about drop-out statistics. Depending on the study, you will find that anywhere between 45-80 percent of children drop out of the church. It was once believed that many of these individuals would return later in life. But that is becoming less and less the outcome. Of course, there are many factors that cause a child to drop out of church and walk away from Christ. Jared mentions a handful of them. Most of Jared’s items are focused on the local church. Infrequent attendance, church hopping, and no corporate worship (only children’s and youth ministry) are problematic. I will add to his list divorce of parents, secular education, and parents who prioritize something other than Christ in the home. For parents, these topics are helpful to think about so that we can do everything in our power to eliminate barriers that our children may experience to know, love, and serve Christ.