What Music is Your Child or Grandchild Listening to?

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Christians are often indistinguishable from culture. Many have absorbed the views of culture, even while attempting to follow Christ. Based on a Lifeway study, about 4 out of every 10 women who get an abortion where going to church at the time of their first abortion. Christians divorce rates are similar. Views of homosexuality are on the rise in the Christian community. Abortion, divorce, homosexuality – Christians are adopting the practices and patterns of culture in these areas as well as many more. There are many reasons why this is the case but one of the reasons is that Christians are spending less time in the Bible and more time with media such as music. Music is one of many influences that shape the beliefs of children.

I want to introduce you to a popular song called Some Nights, by FUN. The lyrics to the chorus and first verse are as follows:

Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for?
What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know anymore

This is it, boys, this is war
What are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe they hype
Save that for the black and white
Try twice as hard and I’m half as liked
But here they come again to jack my style
And that’s alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I?

What do I stand for? Why don’t we break the rules? Who am I? These three questions are the same questions every young person is asking. Notice how this song answers the big questions of life:

  • Relativism: “What do I stand for? Most nights, I don’t know anymore.”
  • Morality: “Save that for the black and white… here they come to jack my style.”
  • Sexuality: “I found a martyr in my bed tonight. She stops me from wondering just who I am.”

If your child or grandchild is listening to top 40 music, they are hearing songs like this and it is impacts what they believe. I recently looked up the top 10 songs and nine of them were rated explicit with “God is a Woman” on the list.

A Lifeway study recently found that listening to Christian music was one of the top three influences that led toward lifelong faith in children. If you haven’t given much thought to the impact of music on the spiritual life of your child consider that Martin Luther said, “Next to theology I give music the highest place of honor.” Gordon Fee once stated, “Show me a churches songs and I’ll show you their theology.” Could we also say, “Show me the songs a child listens to and I’ll show you what they believe?”

Next to theology I give music the highest place of honor. Martin Luther Share on X

We are often far too lax regarding what our children listen to. Many of us would not allow a person to come into our home use vulgar words, sexually explicit language, or unbiblical ideas. Yet that is exactly what is happening through other digital devices.

The application is twofold. Pay attention to the lyrics and music your child is hearing. Place doctrinally sound, godly music in front of your children. My kids love listening to Andrew Peterson and Roots Kids Worship (scroll down) and I highly commend them to you. There is no shortage of Christ-centered, Bible-based music available today and this will be one more tool in your tool belt to help a child develop deep and lasting faith.

Cultivating Godly Adult Influence

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At the young age of twelve, I attended a True Love Waits Conference and pledged to remain sexually pure until my wedding night.  23 years later, on August 16th, 2015, I handed that pledge to my husband on our wedding night!

While waiting those 23 years to meet Greg, I dated many “frogs” and wondered if God would ever bring a godly man into my life to marry. Again and again my parents (and other key people in my life) encouraged me to choose hope and continue living my life to the fullest. It wasn’t easy as I found myself attending countless weddings and baby showers! But my support network challenged me to use my singleness to do great things for God…and by God’s amazing grace, that’s exactly what I did. I shared my journey of singleness (and sexual integrity) with as many young people as I possibly could. My goal? To give them hope that they’re not in this battle alone and to inspire them to wait for God’s best.

What helped me wait to be sexually active until my wedding night? Was it a stellar sense of self worth?  Maybe self-control made out of steel?  No, neither of those.  Sure, some might blame it on the fact that I am a firstborn – you know…the responsible, rule following type.  But it goes much deeper than that. What led me to make different choices than my peers was primarily one thing, godly adult influence – people that were Jesus with skin on to me.

The first place I met Jesus was in the home – through my parents.  My parents have been married now 44 years and have done an amazing job modeling a healthy marriage to my brothers and me.  Not only did they model covenant love to each other, they also loved us unconditionally.  They listened to us, believed in us, and encouraged us. Most importantly, they consistently pointed us to Jesus and discipled us into a saving relationship with Christ. Their presence made all the difference in the world!

In addition to my parents’ influence, God brought quality mentors into my life that spoke the same truth into my heart.  Their words of wisdom and guidance strengthened my conviction to wait to be sexually active until marriage and in turn, stand out from the crowd.

Godly adult influences were an anchor for my soul when the storms of life tried to blow me over. How well anchored are your children?

Reflect and Respond:

  • If you’re married, what does your marriage demonstrate to your children? Is it time to get away and focus on each other? Consider Family Life Today’s Weekend to Remember. Check out familylife.com/WTR to learn more.
  • How many godly adult influences do your children have? Consider each of your children individually and work together as a couple to brainstorm the godly (and not so godly!) influences in their lives. Then after spending time in prayer, make a list of action steps you can take to build more godly adult influences in their lives while minimizing the negative ones.
  • Read and discuss Proverbs 11:14 and Proverbs 15:22 as a family. Discuss the importance of having advisors/mentors throughout life. Make a point to mention that it doesn’t matter the age or stage of life we’re in, we all need one! Consider brainstorming as a family the qualities of an ideal advisor/mentor and who may already be playing that role in their lives.

 

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

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Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

1. The importance of biblical worship and the dangers of the Jesus Culture.

  • Why Christians should be concerned with the wrong theology behind the Jesus culture.
  • What is wrong with the Christian music scene today.
  • Encouraging signs in the Christian music scene today.
  • The importance of biblical worship and practice in local churches.

2. Raising children to be in the world, not of the world.

“A few things come to mind and the first is to raise our children around the Bible, right. To be teaching our children the Bible consistently from their earliest days because the Bible addresses sin in a frank way. We don’t need to expose our children to sin in blatant ways in order to introduce them to the concept of sin. We can just read the Bible, we can introduce them to God through his Word. And there they’ll see sin, they’ll see it described, but they’ll also see the consequences of sin.”

3. Learn how to be an intentional grandparent using the Creation Museum

“This year, a new two-part series of free workshops called Answers for Grandparents is now available during specific weeks at the Creation Museum (learn more and check for dates and times on the Creation Museum website). These workshops are especially for our senior audience.”

4. The need to provide a biblical foundation for children

“A picture is worth a thousand words,” and these graphs emphasize how we need to raise up generations with the right foundation for their worldview.”

Grandparents Are Influential, Second Only to Parents

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Excerpt from the book Grandparenting, which releases in December 2018.

Who are the most influential people in a young person’s life? A Barna study wanted to know the answer to a similar question and asked 602 teenagers, “Who, besides your parents, do you admire most as a role model?” According to Barna, the top five influences in the life of young people are (1) parents, (2) other family members, typically grandparents, (3) teachers and coaches, (4) friends, and (5) pastors or religious leaders.

After parents, grandparents are the greatest potential influence in the life of a child—not a peer, not a pastor, and not a teacher. When teenagers were asked why they named a particular person as influential, teens provided the following reasons: The person was worthy of imitation; they wanted to follow in the footsteps of the chosen person; they were there for the teenager; and they were interested in the teenager’s future. For better or worse, young people are imitating the people they know best and who care for them.

It may sound simplistic but the greatest influencers of young people are typically those who invest the greatest amount of time into their lives. The key for grandparents to understand is that the more time you invest into a grandchild’s life the greater the potential influence will be. When I look at Barna’s top five influences it follows that logic: The five greatest influencers are the people who spend the most time with young people over the course of their life.

The five greatest influencers are the people who spend the most time with young people over the course of their life. Share on X

If you want to influence your grandchildren to love Jesus then it makes sense that you must have an active presence in their lives. If you do not, then other influences such as peers or media fill the void. Take a moment and reflect on two areas of your life:

First, add up the numbers of hours you invest monthly in your grandchildren.

  • How much of that time is direct face-to-face interaction (in person or through technology)?
  • How many hours per month do you invest indirectly in your grandchildren’s parents, praying for grandchildren, preparing for gatherings, activities, or other family-related things?
  • What is your total number of hours?

Many grandparents are surprised to see how few or how many hours they actually spend on their grandchildren.

Second, take a moment and think about your own grandparents.

  • What impact did your grandparents have on your life?
  • Were your grandparents active in your life and did they regularly invest in you?
  • Did your grandparents shape your personality, preferences, or faith in any way, or were your grandparents emotionally distant, primarily living an autonomous life?

Whether the impact was significant or lacking, it reminds us that grandparents matter, and rarely do they have no influence on us. If you ask your grandchildren how you influence their life, what do you think they would say? The goal is not simply to be a positive influence with a strong relationship, but to use our influence to point grandchildren to Christ.

When Do Americans Become Christians?

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A survey from the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) found that 63% of individuals become a Christian between the age of 4-14, with the median age being 11. The same survey also found that 34% of individuals become a Christian between the age of 15-29. According to this study, 97% of individuals become a Christian before the age of 30.

In case that didn’t register, that is 97%! That means, if you asked 100 people when they became a Christian, 63 became a Christian between the age of 4-14, 34 between the age of 15-29, and only 3 out of 100 after the age of 30.

There are many implications we should consider such as:

  • Return on investment: The greatest return on ministry investment is a focus on children, then youth, then young adults.
  • Ministry budget: The average church only spends 3% of its budget on children while allotting the majority of its ministry and missions budgets to adults.
  • The family: Parents and grandparents should be trained to share the gospel, pray for a child’s salvation, and nurture an environment where God’s Spirit can work to open a child’s eyes to his or her need for Christ. It is the family that has the greatest opportunity to introduce a child to Christ and nurture the heart.
  • Defense of faith: Parents and grandparents must take seriously the spiritual influences that are present in the early and teen years of a child. Education, media, and peers impact what a child believes about Christ and thus must be taken seriously.

D.L. Moody once said, “If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God.” Moody understood the importance of the early years and the strategic investment they represent. If the early and teen years are so crucial to the faith development of a Christian, then we would be wise to focus on this time of life in our churches and homes.

Teaching Our Children the Value of Waiting

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I remember playing the role of Mary in the Bible story of Mary and Joseph. I was 14 years old at the time and the man playing the part of Joseph was 25. I wasn’t the boy crazy type of teenager, but when it came to “Joseph,” I fell head over heels. I even told my mom that I was going to marry him. Yikes – yes, I really did believe that! No, I didn’t marry “Joseph” but as I reflect back on that time, it’s evident that God planted the desire to marry deep in my heart at a very young age. Then he had me wait 21 years for that desire to be fulfilled!

Waiting is a common theme in the Bible and one every human being is familiar with. If we stop and think about it, waiting is a regular part of our lives. Whether it be small things like waiting at a stoplight, in the drive thru at your favorite fast food restaurant or at the doctor’s office, we all wait for something. Or it might be big things we wait for…like a student waiting to hear back from their top college pick, a man waiting to hear back on his blood work results or a married couple waiting to receive word that they can meet their adopted child. We can’t avoid it and we can’t escape it.

Waiting is a reality and a normal part of life. The question we must not ask ourselves then is, “How do I get out of this situation?” but rather, “How can I make the most of this situation?” Paul David Tripp put it this way: “…God never wastes our waiting, frivolously prolonging what we get at the end of the wait. Rather, waiting is fundamentally about who we become as we wait. Waiting should always build character.”

Waiting until I was 35 to meet and marry my “holy hunk” challenged me more than anything. It required me to depend on God as my Provider and Sustainer, it tested my identity and where I found my worth, it confronted my propensity to compare myself to others and ultimately it led me to surrender my will to God’s will. Waiting for my husband was the instrument God chose to use in my life to build godly character and to establish His truth deep in my heart.

You might be thinking, “What does waiting have to do with teaching my kids about Biblical sexuality?” Everything! The culture teaches them to let their feelings be their guide; Biblical sexuality teaches them to walk by faith. The culture teaches them to be the master of their own lives; Biblical sexuality teaches them to surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. The culture teaches that they are to set their own standard of right and wrong; Biblical sexuality teaches that there is one standard and it’s found in the Word of God.

If you want your children to embrace Biblical sexuality, a good place to start is by allowing them to face experiences where they have to choose between faith and feelings, surrender and control, Truth and their own standard of right and wrong. Shepherding them as they face these kinds of experiences will help develop their character and teach them the value of waiting on God. If this is what you want for your children, what are you waiting for?!

Reflect and Respond:

  • How well do you wait? How well are you modeling the concept of waiting to your children?
  • Read Paul David Tripp’s article on waiting called “The Waiting Room.” (https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/the-waiting-room)
  • Discuss with your spouse how the two of you can work together to give your children more opportunities to wait well.

 

Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

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Family Talk: News and Resources for Family Discipleship

1. Gender neutral baby names on the rise. 

“That trend, of gender neutral names, particularly for the girls, seems to be on the rise,” said Doctor Sarah Eiser, an OBGYN with Lancaster General Health. Some popular unisex baby include Corey, Tyler, Logan and even Jayden, according to thebump.com.”

2. A growing number of parents allow their child to accept or reject their biological gender, reinforcing gender dysphoria.

“Is Zyler a boy or a girl? How about Kadyn? That’s a question their parents, Nate and Julia Sharpe, say only the twins can decide. The Cambridge, Mass., couple represent a small group of parents raising “theybies” — children being brought up without gender designation from birth. A Facebook community for these parents currently claims about 220 members across the U.S.”

3. Learn about a movement that threatens to negatively influence the church called the “Woke Movement,” a phrase used to describe an awakening to issues of race, gender, and sexuality.

“Unless you have been living in seclusion somewhere, you will have noticed that a radical putsch is currently underway to get evangelicals on board with doctrines borrowed from Black Liberation Theology, Critical Race Theory, Intersectional Feminism, and other ideologies that are currently stylish in the left-leaning secular academy. All of these things are being aggressively promoted in the name of “racial reconciliation.” This has suddenly given rise to a popular movement that looks to be far more influential—and a more ominous threat to evangelical unity and gospel clarity—than the Emergent campaign was 15 years ago. The movement doesn’t have an official name yet, but the zealots therein like to refer to themselves as “woke.”

Five Things To Say to a Loved One Before Death

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My mother died from ALS ten years ago on June 11, 2008 (which also happens to be my wedding anniversary). Lots has happened in life since then and I sometimes wonder how my mom would respond if she knew all that happened in my life. I can see the shock on her face when she learns I have five kids and got a PhD — a couple of the many things that she probably never expected to occur in my life. I’m guessing she would be surprised in a good way.

ALS is a nasty neurological disease which slowly causes a person to become paralyzed. Death occurs when an individual loses the ability to breath. I wanted to be intentional with the limited amount of time remaining with my mom. I spent two weeks of concentrated time with her, asked her dozens of questions about her faith and life, and then recorded them in a book for the Mulvihill family. The book has been a blessing for my children as a way to learn about their grandmother.

I also wanted to make sure our relationship ended with no regrets and in a great place. My mom and I had a strong relationship, but I had heard stories from numerous friends who had relational regrets with a parent who died and I didn’t want to be one of those individuals. I spent some time developing a list of five things that must be said before my mom died:

  • I love you
  • Please forgive me
  • I forgive you
  • Thank you
  • Goodbye

Just reading the list brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I had some sweet moments with my mom that strengthened an already strong relationship. Good gave me the opportunity to whisper goodbye in her ear the morning she died. I am grateful that God gave me the time to have these conversations with my mom and write this to encourage you to consider if there is anyone in your life, sick or healthy, that needs to hear one or more of these things from you?

Three Misleading Emotions

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Three misleading emotions commonly keep parents from having courageous conversations with their children. Can you relate to one (or all!) of these?

DISQUALIFIED – “I didn’t wait, so how could I talk with my children about saving sex for marriage?” No one is more qualified than you! You know from personal experience why sex is best saved for marriage and the natural consequences that come from going outside God’s bounds. You have an opportunity to cast a God-glorifying vision for your child’s life while also helping them navigate around the detours and pitfalls that come from pre-marital sex.

The Bible is full of stories about people who sinned and yet went on to represent God and uphold His holy standards (i.e. King David, the apostle Paul, etc). To disqualify yourself from speaking Truth to your children because of your past sin is to give victory to Satan. He will do anything he can to get you to focus on your mistakes, your mess, and your inadequacies rather than watch you lay your sins before the Cross and receive forgiveness that’s yours in Christ Jesus. It sounds trite but it’s true – if you step out in faith, God will take your “mess” and turn it into a message.

DISTRACTED – “With everything else we have going on at home, we don’t know when we’d fit this in. Honestly, we wouldn’t know what to say if we did find the time!” Don’t let busyness rob you of valuable conversations with your kids. Whether it’s at the dinner table or before they head to bed, capitalize on every opportunity you can find. Let go of the pressure and expectation that you should have all the answers. If you don’t have an answer to one of their questions, be honest and tell them you will get back to them. Then make sure you do! If you don’t know where to begin, check out my website www.sexbydesign.com to learn more about my film series Sex by Design: Unpacking the Purpose and Practice of Purity. It was designed to give you a road map for having ongoing conversations with your kids about sexuality. It could very well put to rest the misleading emotion(s) you’ve been feeling and give you the courage to press in. It doesn’t take a PhD to positively influence your children – it just takes the committed and loving presence of parents fully invested in their children’s life!

DISCOURAGED – “When I bring up the topic, my child gives me one word answers and changes the subject.” This is a normal response especially if you’ve just recently broached the topic. Ask God to soften your child’s heart and provide you with opportunities to try again. Consider starting with a different topic (just as valuable but maybe less awkward) like modesty or dating and see where God takes it. Consider going out for coffee, ice cream or dinner for uninterrupted time together.

Reflect and Respond:

  • Do any of these misleading emotions ring true to you personally? If so, share your thoughts with your spouse and ask him/her to help remind you of the Truth when the misleading emotion rears its ugly head again. Commit your misleading emotion(s) to prayer and then be on the watch for how God will transform your heart!
  • Read the article “Teaching Your Kids About Sex When You Have Sexual Sin in Your Past.” (http://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/2013/11/14/sexual-sinners-teaching-sex-ed/) What Truth stuck out to you? Consider writing it on a notecard to be posted on your bathroom mirror, the dashboard of your vehicle or in your personal journal. Review it regularly so it becomes part of your belief system!
  • Commit to praying about how to move forward as you invest in your child’s Biblical understanding of sexuality. Again, check out my website (sexbydesign.com) for practical help.

What’s the Gospel?

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There is no more important message to understand in life than the gospel. Yet, for many Christians there is a fog of confusion that surrounds the gospel. If someone says the gospel is the way of Jesus, the kingdom of God, positive thinking, or compassion toward others would you be able to explain why each of these explanations of the gospel is insufficient? The gospel has been the recipient of massive distortions and over simplifications. In relation to the gospel you should have a four-fold aim: (1) clearly understand it, (2) concisely explain it, (3) culturally connect it, and (4) confidently proclaim it.

Greg Gilbert wrote a helpful book called What is the Gospel where he used four words to summarize the gospel: God, man, Christ, and response. Remembering these four will help us understand, explain, and proclaim the gospel. The gospel is the good news because it addressed the most serious problem that humans have. R.C. Sproul summarizes this problem by saying, “God is holy and He is just, and I’m not.” Here is the gospel in a nutshell.

God is creator and he is holy. He is perfect. He has not sinned. He is just; he will not ignore or excuse the sin of others. The Bible teaches that all humans are accountable to God. He created us; therefore, he can demand we worship him.

Man has rebelled against God. We have placed ourselves on the throne of life. Romans 1:23 says we have exchanged the glory of God for idols. We are glory thieves, yet God will not share his glory with another. We have fallen short of God’s demand for perfection. At the end of your life you will stand before a just and holy God and be judged on the basis of your righteousness. Romans 3:19 says that when we stand before the judge, every mouth will be silenced. No one will offer a defense or any excuses. That is a sobering image. You have rebelled against a holy God that created you. That is the bad news.

The good news of the gospel is that Jesus lived a perfect life of righteousness and offered himself as a perfect sacrifice to satisfy the justice of God. God’s solution to humanity’s sin is the death and resurrection of Jesus. We can be saved from the condemnation our sin deserves through redemption in Jesus (Romans 3:24). The gospel is news, not advice. It is news that something has happened and we must respond to it. All religions are advice.

A response by faith is needed. The great lie of our day is that God forgives everybody; that he is a loving God who sweeps our sins under the carpet and grants forgiveness to those who are good people. The Bible is clear that we are not justified by our works, our efforts, our deeds, but by faith alone. Salvation comes “through faith in Jesus Christ” and it is “for all who believe” (Romans 3:22). How is the good news for you? Believe in Jesus Christ and repent of your sins. When you do that you are declared righteous by God, you are adopted into his family, and forgiven of all your sins. God acted in Jesus to save us and we take hold of that salvation by repentance of sin through faith in Jesus. That’s good news. And that is the gospel.