The Three D’s of Successful Grandparenting

GrandPause: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. -Unknown

Most grandparents I know want to be liked by their grandchildren. But is being liked by your grandkids what it means to be a successful grandparent?

Mama Cass Elliot, of the famed Mamas and Papas, had a 1968 hit a song called Dream A Little Dream of Me. It was a Mama Cass favorite. The refrain went like this:

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams, whatever they be,
Dream a little dream of me.

Like Mama Cass, all of us long for love—someone to dream about and who dreams about us. After all, who doesn’t want to know that someone cares enough to make us a meaningful part of his or her dreams?

Grandparents want that too.

There’s nothing like the enthusiasm of your grandkids when you hear them shout, “Goodie… Nana and Papa are here”! I love it when I know my grandkids are anxious to see me. It can’t be beat.

Come on… admit it. Some of you have your own “dream-a-little-dream-of-me” song when it comes to your grandchildren. Am I right? Some of those dreams go something like this: I dream you like me and like being with me. I dream that you come to my house and don’t want to leave because it’s such fun. I dream that our time together is so special that we will both dream of being with each other.

There’s nothing wrong with being liked by your grandkids, and having a great time with them—unless that’s the sum total of the relationship.

When I became a grandparent for the very first time, I received a t-shirt soon afterward that said:

Grandparent’s To-Do List:
1) Fill them up with sugar;
2) Send them home

I see you smiling. Most people are tempted to chuckle at this and think it’s cool. Sadly, a large number of today’s grandparents really do believe this represents their one and only role—enjoy my grandkids, make sure they are having a good time, then, thankfully, send them home.

Stop for a moment and consider. Is having a good time all there is to being a successful grandparent? Is it good enough to simply be ‘good’ grandparents whose grandkids like us because they can do whatever they want at our house? Or is there something more—expectations and roles that take grandparenting to another level for the sake of our grandchildren?

Every person leaves a legacy—that is certain. But what kind, and is it worth outliving you?

If you been around long enough to be a grandparent, you are likely aware of this principle of life: Decisions determine Direction, which in turn, determines Destination.

Andy Stanley calls this the Principle of the Path. It captures the foundational truth about the life each of us lives. Simply put, every decision we make determines a direction (a path) that we will follow, and that path will always lead to a pre-determined destination. So what does this have to do with successful grandparenting?

In the same way that parents make determinations about what they believe successful parenting means, grandparent must also determine what a successful grandparent looks like. Ask yourself what outcome you desire for your grandchildren when they become adults, and hopefully, parents themselves? What do you want them to say about the legacy you left to them when you are gone? These foundational questions start us on this 3-D journey toward successful grandparenting.

Next week, we’ll examine what each of these mean and how we employ to become successful grandparents as God might define it.