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Welcome to a World Where Family Discipleship Is Not the Norm

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It’s important for us to be honest about how things are going and we can do that by looking at some research that helps us put a pulse on the discipleship of children and youth. I realize that numbers are not the most exciting thing, but good research helps us gain an accurate picture of reality. More than that, these numbers tell a story: They represent real people, with real beliefs, and they also help us to understand what is happening in churches and homes today. If you feel there are major changes happening in our world, you aren’t alone. We can feel it, but are we truly aware of the gravity of what is happening? I promise that I won’t bore you, but we need to have a bit of a family meeting about how we are doing passing on faith to future generations by looking at a few research studies.

Biblical Worldview Studies

Every adult has a worldview, even if they aren’t aware of it. Children and youth are in the process of developing their worldview, which is one reason children, youth, and family discipleship is critical. Worldview is the culmination of our views and values that creates our belief system. Worldview is simply what a person believes and how a person lives. It’s a way of seeing the world. A person’s worldview is shaped by how they answer the big questions of life such as “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” “Why is there evil in the world?” “What is the solution?” “How do I make the world a better place?” Our worldview shapes how we think about both the mundane and major life issues, and it is our source for making decisions. Maybe you’ve heard someone say, “It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you believe something.” Of course, that’s not true because what we believe does matter. Beliefs have real-life consequences. And that’s why worldview matters.

The Barna Group’s Biblical Worldview Survey

The Barna Group interviewed 1,000 people in five-year intervals beginning in the 1990s up to the present to measure their biblical worldview. Quantifying biblical worldview is not easy and requires the researcher to identify a set of beliefs as “biblical.” For the purpose of the survey, a biblical worldview was defined as believing that absolute moral truth exists; that the Bible is totally accurate in all of the principles it teaches; that Satan is considered to be a real being, not merely symbolic; that a person cannot earn their way into heaven through good works; that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; and that God is the all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the world who still rules the universe today. Anyone who held all of those beliefs was said to have a biblical worldview. The research revealed that only 9 percent of Americans have a biblical worldview and that those in the teens and early twenties rarely possess a biblical worldview. One of the findings is particularly important for those who disciple children. Barna states,

A person’s worldview is primarily shaped and is firmly in place by the time someone reaches the age of 13; it is refined through experience during the teen and early adult years; and then it is passed on to others during their adult life. Such studies underscore the necessity of parents and other influencers being intentional in how they help develop the worldview of children.

A child’s belief system is largely established by the time they reach the teen years. The childhood and middle school years are the time to do the heavy lifting with discipleship. Waiting until children are older to teach the truths of the Bible is a recipe for disaster. Children need to be taught the whole Scripture and core doctrines beginning when they are little. Of course, that is nothing new. The Bible has taught these principles for thousands of years. Paul says to Timothy, “and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim. 3:15, emphasis added). Strategically, this means the early years are important, and this should be reflected in our discipleship efforts with children.

George Barna writes that the decline in biblical worldview from older to younger generations suggests parents are not helping their children develop a biblical worldview. He points out, “One of the challenges for parents, though, is that you cannot give what you do not have, and most parents do not possess such a perspective on life.” Churches have an incredible opportunity to help parents develop a biblical worldview, and in turn, parents will do the same for their children. Could it be that parents are abdicating their discipleship responsibility to the church in part because they have an underdeveloped biblical worldview and know they need help to teach their children the truths of the Bible? When a church fails to disciple parents, the church unintentionally encourages the parent to rely on the church and the church enables an unhealthy cycle. Parents are equally to blame in this process, but the church further disincentivizes parents by stepping into their role and discipling their children for them.

Arizona Christian University’s American Worldview Inventory

The American Worldview Inventory (AWVI) is an annual survey that evaluates the worldview of the US adult population (age eighteen and older). The AWVI is based on several dozen worldview-related questions that measure both beliefs and behavior within eight categories of worldview application. Researchers found that only 4 percent of American adults have a biblical worldview. For young adults ages eighteen to twenty-nine, the number drops to 2 percent. I want you to recognize what appears to be happening in America. The older generations are not transferring faith to younger generations, so with each new generation we see a shrinking number of individuals with a biblical worldview.

Perhaps even more surprising, researchers found that only 21 percent of individuals who attend an evangelical Protestant church have a biblical worldview. Let that sink in for a moment. Only one in five people who walk into an evangelical Protestant church on Sunday have a biblical worldview. What does this mean for your parents, volunteers, small group leaders, Sunday school teachers, and those who are teaching children and youth? It means that you must not assume they have a biblical worldview, because many do not.

The ACFI is particularly valuable for a discussion about family discipleship because the survey purposely measured the biblical worldview of parents of preteens as well as that of pastors. The study found that only 8 percent of born-again parents of preteens have a biblical worldview. The ACFI suggests that most Christians hold to syncretism, a smorgasbord of beliefs from other worldviews such as New Age spirituality, secularism, or even Islam, and blend some of these ideas into their Christianity to create a customized belief system. These are the parents in our churches and schools, and their views and values are being passed on to their children. The other finding worth noting is the biblical worldview of pastors. Among senior pastors, 41 percent have a biblical worldview; associate pastors, 28 percent; teaching pastors, 13 percent; only 12 percent of children’s and youth pastors have a biblical worldview, and executive pastors came in at 4 percent. If this research is correct, then it is shocking. Much like parents, children’s and youth pastors cannot pass on what they do not have.

Conclusion

Eventually, the balance sheet will reveal the problems. The last thing I want is to discourage anyone, but we do have to address the dire reality of where we are. I’m not trying to cast blame on anyone, just point out that the results aren’t good. In fact, they’re pretty bad, and we need to have enough intellectual honesty and emotional maturity to admit that.

Now, in one sense, the failure of Christian parents passing on faith to future generations isn’t a modern phenomenon. It’s as old as the Old Testament. Judges 2:10 states, “There arose another generation after them that did not know the Lord or the work he had done for Israel.” In another sense, something new is happening. The culture is rapidly changing and that is making it more difficult than ever to pass a lifelong faith in Jesus to the next generation. Children are now immersed in secularized views and values every day—and they’re absorbing beliefs and lifestyles that do not align with the Bible.

Christians should have a biblical worldview, but many do not. Christians increasingly have a sincere faith but think and live in unbiblical ways. Many Christians have absorbed the secular views of culture and have integrated them into their belief system. The problem is that every worldview, other than a Christian one, is completely at odds with the Bible. They cannot coexist, which means Christians often think and live like secularists without knowing it. Christian parents are having their views and values shaped by culture in unbiblical ways. A large part of your job is to disciple parents with a biblical worldview so they can disciple their children and we must also prioritize the worldview training of staff and volunteers under our care.

This article is an excerpt from the book Family Ministry: How Your Church Can Shepherd Parents and Grandparents to Make Disciples.

The Sexual Revolution Comes to Your Home

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The sexual revolution is actively seeking to recruit, catechize, and destroy our children, but awareness and intentionally teaching God’s truth can combat this destructive enemy. We’ve all witnessed the growing popularity of transgenderism, the acceptance of homosexuality, the declining marriage rates, and the regularity of divorce. Where did these societal norms come from and how did we get to this point? More importantly, how do we navigate this as families, churches, and schools? What messages do we need to be aware of and protect our children from?

To understand our current reality, it’s helpful to recognize how we arrived where we’re at by taking a brief look at two significant figures in the history of the sexual revolution, Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) and Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957). Don’t think that two dead guys are irrelevant for today. Their ideas have shaped our society and impact your children. Take a moment to learn about Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Reich so that you can recognize the poisonous messages of the sexual revolution today, protect your children from them, and help children develop a biblical view of marriage, sex, manhood, and womanhood.

Human Sexuality and the Gospel According to Freud

Sigmund Freud was a highly influential psychologist who believed the goal of life is happiness and the way to be happy is through sexual pleasure. He believed that children are sexual beings from birth and need to have sex whenever they want in order to develop properly. Freud proposed a series of five stages in which people mature, all of which, are focused on seeking sexual gratification. He believed that each stage is motivated by an intense sexual desire. If a child does not receive the proper satisfaction in each stage, they will not develop properly into an adult. The result, he believed, is the child will develop feelings of inadequacy, repressed emotions, and suffer poor self-worth.

Freud believed that sexuality shaped identity. For Freud, sex shapes a child’s personality and relationships beginning at birth and continues through adulthood. Each stage of life needs a sexual outlet and becomes an all-consuming reality that is always present. He claimed that everything in life is about sex. Fast forward to today, and society has embraced the idea that our sexuality tells us who we are. Therefore, the rejection of a person’s sexual choices, such as homosexuality or transgenderism, is equivalent to the rejection of the person. Not allowing a child to pursue a personal sexual choice is equivalent to preventing them from being their true self, and in some states like California and Minnesota, is classified as child abuse.

I want you to recognize the massive theological problems of Freud’s ideas and reject them. Freud established a sexual worldview to replace the gospel. It was the lens through which Freud viewed the world. He replaced the Christian view that the problem of the human condition is sin and its solution is salvation in Christ with a therapeutic worldview focused on discontent and sexual desire. Freud believed the problem in childhood is repression of sexual desires and that humans suffer when they are denied sexual pleasure. Freud systematized life around sexual impurity and dishonorable passions; the very things Romans 1:24-28 says are the outcome of rejecting God. Freud’s faulty beliefs about God and humanity led to a distorted and destructive view of marriage and sex where Christianity becomes guilty of an outdated sexual ethic and is the oppressor squelching human freedom and flourishing.

The Secular Sexual Worldview

  • Who am I? Sexuality is identity and is equivalent to being one’s true self.
  • What is my purpose? Happiness comes through sexual pleasure.
  • What is the problem? Sexual oppression due to societal norms that do not allow certain forms of sexual expression or gratification.
  • What is the solution? Sexual liberation from societal norms and abolishing sexual limits.

Freud believed that society demonizes certain forms of sexual expression for the sake of public order, not because there is a God-established moral standard. Freud concluded that those whose sexual desires are unacceptable to society will face one of two miserable futures; if they act on their desires, they will be labeled a pervert. If some people are successful and able to repress their sexual impulses, they will inevitably become neurotic and suffer mentally as victims of society’s unkind requirements. According to Freud, the problem is not individual sexual desires, but societal norms. The individual is a victim of society, so by default, societal norms are the problem and need to change. Freud’s solution is to abolish sexual limits and liberate society from sexual norms.

Freud set the stage for the sexual revolution by giving society the “scientific” justification to abolish all sexual limits. Society has increasingly treated traditional sexual standards as culturally derived rather than grounded in God’s divine order. Take a moment to consider the implications of society making sexual pleasure the focal point of life. Think about what happens when a child believes that sexuality shapes identity, that God’s standards of sexual morality is oppressive, and lives according to Freud’s sexual worldview.

Freud’s ideas granted permission for the sexual revolution and have shaped the way multiple generations have lived, from the hippies and free love in the 1960s to the rainbow flags and pride festivals today. The LGBTQ movement adopted many of Freud’s views. They expanded upon his assumption that social stigma and private shame over “inappropriate” sex is a crushing force that harms people. The destigmatizing of sexual minorities and the abolition of any sexual standard is their moral path forward. The LGBTQ movement has taken Freud’s views to their logical conclusion: imagining a sexual utopia of free love.

America’s Sexual Evangelist

Wilhelm Reich, who came out of the German Frankfurt school in the 1920s, took Freudian ideas on sexual desire and combined them with Marxist ideas on revolutionary politics. One of Reich’s best known phrases was, “The act of liberation was to be the orgasm.” For Reich, the sexual revolution was the driving force for a political revolution. Promiscuity is a form of political activism as it combated biblical morality by sleeping around.

Reich was a sexual evangelist and once said, “If you want young people to turn their back on God, get them involved in deviant sexual behavior.” Reich thought the best in man was his sexual cravings. He viewed sin as fear of desire rather than disobedience to God. The healthy person was not the one who could master or deny his impulses, but the one who could fully and freely express them. Reich argued that sexual repression is the problem and a method used by authoritarians to create submission in individuals. He believed that liberation required a sexual revolution to overthrow the oppressive leaders. He was a communist activist utilizing sexual anarchy to destroy the morality of individuals, ruin families, and create chaos in society.

Marxists believe the traditional family is the primary instrument of all oppressive authority. Liberation can only be achieved by overthrowing the family, especially the father. Reich believed that Marxism would fail if it only addressed economic factors and not biblical morality or the family structure that prevented Marxism from gaining acceptance in the United States. Reich sought to destroy the family and stated,

The beginning of a sexual revolution with the current dissolution of the family; the substitution of patriarchal family structure with the socialist collective; the growing involvement of either husband or wife into public functions; the access of sons and daughters to collectives and the subsequent competition of social relationships to family ones; the transferral of children’s responsibility from the parents to society and the collectivisation of children cultivation.

Marxists want to destroy your family and their method to do that is to separate parent from child and transfer influence to other people. Marxists would love for you to believe that it takes a village to raise a family. I’ve seen the village and I don’t want them raising my children. Biblically, it takes a family to raise children. Marxists attack the idea that the husband is the family leader, encourage wives to work outside the home, and promote feminism where women are given complete financial independence and personal autonomy, including choosing one’s own last name. They encourage unrestrained sexual activity and laws protecting homosexuality. They reject abstinence for children and marital faithfulness. Marxists want to replace parental influence and transfer it to society. Think about how these goals have been achieved through the feminist movement, public education, and social media.

A century of attacking marriage and undermining parental responsibility has been effective. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, parents spend two minutes per day reading to children and five minutes per day educating a child who is under eighteen years old. A survey of 3,000 families found they eat an average of four meals together per week. Eric Schlosser, the author of Fast Food Nation, found that families eat twenty percent of meals each week in the car. The Marxist strategy to silence parents and replace their voice with others has been shockingly effective.

Freud and Reich paved the way for sexual promiscuity to be seen as a sacred sacrament. Their ideas have culminated in teaching children that sexual gratification is holy and healthy. Freud’s views encouraged the erosion of biblical morality and the belief that sexual self-control is a great evil. Freud and Reich rejected God, inverted His good-design, attacked marriage and family, redefined sexual morality, built an entire worldview around deviant sexuality, and became evangelists for their new gospel message. The sexual gospel promises joy, freedom, and identity but delivers pain, bondage, confusion, and destruction.

We arrive at our current point in history, which is nothing short of a revolt against God and reality. Rather than have sexual desires transformed by God, we are told to change reality to align with desire. Biblical sexuality is seen as unacceptable and outdated. Individuals who seek to live by biblical sexual standards, believe marriage is between one man and one woman, and desire to have children are the worst of apostates. A man who wears a dress, pretends to be a woman, and goes into a female bathroom is perfectly acceptable. If you publicly state that sex is for marriage or that men and women are biologically different and not inter-changeable, you will be seen as appalling. Society has flipped what is good, right, and true.

Children are being told if their sexual desires are fulfilled, then they’ll be happy. Sex is taught as a normal part of human development and exploration. Children are led to believe that if they are a virgin at their wedding, they have stunted themself developmentally. Rainbow clad foot soldiers try to convince children that they are entirely at the mercy of their sexual desires and that sexual standards must be abolished to pursue personal pleasure. Children are fed the destructive lie that sexual self-control is oppressive and sexual gratification is freedom. Plenty of individuals have acted upon the scientific-sounding permission for sexual promiscuity: do it for your mental health. The number of people suffering moral injury as a result of perversion grows daily and they realize that living without limits and standards isn’t as fun as it looks. The sexual revolution has been disastrous for children, families, marriages, and society.

Sex is an expression of a person’s entire worldview. It reveals what someone believes about God, morality, sin, salvation, humanity, and marriage. When young people understand the why behind sex, that is where reverence is merged with obedience. What is the purpose of sex? Why does God put boundaries around sex? It is within these boundaries that human dignity is affirmed and validated. Once God’s good design for marriage and sex is rejected, all kinds of brokenness, oppression, and degradation occurs to a human being. It’s only within the biblical worldview that a person will find his or her value affirmed and blessings occur.

The sexual revolution is alive and has metastasized into sweat sounding lies wrapped up in deceptive promises delivered in educational classrooms, social media feeds, and pop culture. One of the battlegrounds of our day, that we must win, is to protect the hearts and minds of our children from these destructive lies by teaching them the blessings of God’s truth about marriage and sex from the Bible. We must help children understand that they will be happiest when they live according to God’s good design for marriage, sex, manhood, and womanhood. Don’t believe the lie that a good parent gives their child sexual or gender autonomy. Reject the lie that a good parent affirms their child’s new gender identity or sexual promiscuity. The idea that happiness is the highest goal and childhood autonomy is the greatest right is the poisonous fruit of Freud and Reich. We do not need to be fearful of the sexual revolution, but we do need to be aware, vigilant, and committed to teaching children God’s truth. We can take opportunities to show children how the secular sexual worldview fails and how a biblical view of marriage, children, and sex is good, true, and beautiful. When we do that, we will raise children who have deep and lasting biblical convictions about marriage, sexuality, manhood and womanhood and are not only blessed personally but will be a blessing to society.

Questions to Ask Before Marriage

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Jen and I met in college in an English class during the first month of our freshman year. The English professor announced that she would be assigning partners to edit the other person’s paper. I remember looking around the class for the prettiest girl, which was Jen, and saying a quick prayer, “Dear Lord, please assign me with her.”

I just about fell over with shock and excitement when our names were read as partners. I proceeded to write one of the most grammatically awful papers ever (Was this a strategy to spend more time together?). Thankfully, it didn’t scare Jen away. We dated for nearly four years and got married a few weeks after college graduation. We went through pre-marital counseling, like many young couples do, to learn the biblical principles of marriage. It was fantastic guidance in the most foundational areas, but 21-year old me felt there were topics and areas missed in the pre-marital material that would be valuable for Jen and I to talk about.

On our own, we went through our own version of the questions you will find in this article. I remember sitting at Caribou Coffee in Roseville, Minnesota and discussing the question, “Will we still love one another if either of us goes bald or gets fat?” At first glance, you may chuckle at a question like that, but fast forward a few decades in life and this can be an issue for some people impacting marital faithfulness. A simple, focused, real-life question like this helped Jen and I to gain clarity about each-others commitment to life-long marriage, views of divorce, what we valued as most important in a relationship, and even expectations about exercise and physical appearance. Multiply this kind of conversation around all kinds of topics and it proved to be extremely valuable for us as a couple.

I wrote a book called Questions to Ask Before Marriage to help couples discern biblical alignment and marital compatibility and you will get a taste in this article. The purpose of this article is to help you, even if it is in a small way, have a God-honoring, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage! This resource is meant to help dating couples discern God’s path forward as a couple, build trust, engage in good communication, and have fun while doing it! This isn’t a resource about how to prepare for marriage. It’s a resource meant to help couples answer one question, “Is this the person I want to marry?”

Equally yoked

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God. It’s a huge decision that leads to lifelong blessings or challenges. The Bible tells us that we are to marry someone we are equally yoked with, which means that both people trust in Jesus Christ as their Savior and seek to live in obedience to the teachings of the Bible.

The term “equally yoked” is a powerful image of two oxen moving together in the same direction. A yoke is a wooden frame that harnesses two animals together so they can work as a team. The yoke allowed two oxen to pull a plow, cart, or heavy load. The agricultural image presents a biblical principle that applies to marriage. A yoked team of animals operates as one unit, going in the same direction and working to accomplish the same goals. They are one in purpose, one in direction, and one in function and this is to be true of a marriage as well.

A couple needs to be in alignment with their views and values of life to be equally yoked. Imagine a team of two oxen that are unequally yoked. They are pulling against each other, heading in different directions, working toward a different goal, and trying to accomplish a different purpose. A couple can be equally yoked through a strong foundation built on the truth of the Bible and a relationship centered on Jesus Christ.

Strategic conversations about critical areas of life

I’ve been in full time ministry for over twenty-five years and I’ve provided pre-marital counseling for more couples than I can count. One of my goals in pre-marital counseling is to equip a couple with a robust biblical understanding of marriage and sexuality. Couples need to understand God’s purpose for marriage, their biblical role as husband and wife, how to maintain a godly relationship with one another, the biblical view of having and raising children, how to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy, how to navigate sin and forgiveness in marriage, and how their marriage serves God and others.

These topics provide a strong biblical foundation to build a marriage upon, but conflicts and challenges can arise in other areas of a relationship such as parenting styles, emotional health, family health history, navigating extended family relationships, financial habits, how to discipline children, career goals, education plans, sexual expectations, eating habits, lifestyle choices, hobbies, and many other topics that often don’t surface until after a couple says “I do,” live under the same roof, and realize they have a very different approach to certain areas of life, which leads to friction, tension, and problems. Strategic conversations help you share your expectations, dreams, values, and preferences so you avoid potential relationship landmines.

How to use this resource

Jen and I developed a three-step process for our discussions that I recommend you follow: read, discuss, and score. Read the questions 1-3 days before a discussion so that each person has an opportunity to think about their answers. You will increase the depth and quality of conversation when you’ve prepared in advance and avoid “I don’t know” answers.

Discuss the questions. Take as much time as needed. Each person should answer a question thoroughly enough that the other person is satisfied with the answer.

Score the answers to each question. You are seeking alignment in your views and values with one another, centered on Christ. The following scoring system will help you identify when there is agreement, disagreement, or a warning sign. You will see three symbols; a heart which signifies total agreement, a red flag which represents total disagreement, and yellow sign for partial agreement or disagreement. If you are in full agreement, mark the question as a heart. If you cannot get to a place of agreement, mark it as a red flag. If there is a lack of clarity or partial agreement/disagreement, then mark the question as a yellow caution sign. You can expect to have lots of hearts and hopefully very few caution signs or red flags. If you marked something as a yellow sign, come back to it and discuss it until it becomes a heart or red flag.

A red flag is a recognition there is not alignment in an important area of your relationship with one another and it indicates that there could be a serious problem in the future. The best time to recognize there may be a problem is before the wedding, not after you say “I do.” If a red flag exists, then this gives you the opportunity to fully discuss it as a couple. Take a red flag seriously and talk about it. If you consider something to be a red flag, then confront it, and don’t ignore it as “no big deal.” If the red flagged topic is a significant issue to either person and you cannot get to a place of agreement, then this may indicate incompatibility in marriage.

To get started, begin with the first question and work your way down. Go in order and read the question out loud. Each person should answer every question. Mark each question as a heart, red flag, or yellow sign. The questions below are taken from the first section on biblical beliefs from Questions to Ask Before Marriage.

Questions to discuss about biblical beliefs:

  1. What is your testimony? How did you come to faith in Christ? How confident are you of your salvation?
  2. Would you consider yourself more conservative or liberal in your beliefs? Why?
  3. What are your beliefs about Jesus, God, and the Bible?
  4. How would you describe your theological views on the following topics: Calvinism vs Arminianism; infant baptism vs believer’s baptism; the charismatic gifts; creation vs evolution; and feminism.
  5. To you, what are some important, nonnegotiable, biblical principles or priorities? Why?
  6. How do you feel about the church in general? How are you involved and in what ways have you served at your church?
  7. What are your views about attending church and expectations about participating in a small group or Bible study? How involved do you want to be in a local church?
  8. What type of worship service, denomination, and size of church do you prefer? Why?
  9. What are your convictions about abortion, homosexuality, and transgenderism?
  10. Describe your devotional and prayer life. What habits do you practice regularly to help you grow as a Christian? How do you feel about us reading the Bible together and how often? Why?
  11. What are your passions in life? What do you consider to be your purpose in life?
  12. How would you describe your political views?
  13. What are your views about heaven and hell, tattoos, gambling, and alcohol?

Happily ever after

Those three words are something we all long for. Ultimately, happiness is found only in Jesus. But your marriage will contribute significantly to making your life enjoyable or miserable. So, choose wisely who you marry. Remember, marriage lasts for a lifetime so make sure that the person you are dating (or your child is dating) is the person you want to wake up with every morning for the rest of your life.

If you are in a serious dating relationship, know anyone who is in a pre-marriage season, or want to plan ahead when that time arrives, then consider purchasing a copy of Questions to Ask Before Marriage. In total, there are 150 questions. The questions are designed around seven categories: biblical beliefs, marriage, family, personal growth, financial, relational, and physical. This is a great resource to utilize in pre-marital counseling alongside a book that teaches the biblical principles of marriage. During each meeting with the pastor, discuss the answers to a section or two. If there are any questions that create a concern or lead to a disagreement, then it’s helpful to have a godly person to provide wisdom.

I want to help you avoid miserable ever after and arrive at happily ever after. Hopefully, this resource has helped you discern God’s path for you as a couple and answer the question, “Is this the person I want to marry?” May the Lord bless you with a vibrant, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage!

Helping Your Child Learn Personal Responsibility

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My wife and I decided that our children were getting old enough to leave them home alone for short periods of time, so we thought that a fifteen-minute walk down our country gravel road would be a good place to start. We told our children, “You have one job—safety! Make sure everyone is safe.” It seemed simple enough, and we thought, “What can go wrong in fifteen minutes when we are only a couple of blocks away?” It turns out that a lot can go wrong. When we turned into the driveway at the conclusion of the walk, our son came bursting out the back door, screaming at the top of his lungs, holding a rag over his mouth. When he removed the rag, tooth chunks fell to the ground.

After we left for the walk, the children decided to play baseball. In the house. With a full-sized bat and ball. Our son was hit in the mouth with the bat when he was rounding third, headed for home, and his sister had a major league-worthy bat flip after a solid single. Our children didn’t do so well with the small responsibility they were given. It was a teachable moment for our children. We talked about how freedom comes with responsibility, and those responsible with little are often entrusted with more responsibility. We spent thousands of dollars to repair our son’s tooth, but the repair always breaks off, leaving him with half of a front tooth. It is a visual reminder to our children that irresponsible decisions are costly and can be lifelong. God has used that experience, and our children have grown in personal responsibility.

Responsibility is learned through the combination of age-appropriate opportunity plus accountability. It is an art for parents to determine how much responsibility a child is ready to handle. We’ve tried to avoid two opposite ends of the spectrum, giving a child too much responsibility too early or not enough responsibility for their age or maturity level.

Responsibility is the fruit of accepting ownership for something and is displayed through initiative, dependability, and quality effort. Children are by nature irresponsible, so parents need to be prepared to provide unconditional love and see failure as an opportunity for growth. We’ve learned to celebrate small successes when a child is responsible, as this builds confidence, encourages the child to take good risks, and helps them believe they can accomplish difficult tasks.

When a child is young, the parent does everything for the child. Over time, responsibility needs to be transferred to the child so that by the time the child leaves home, they are responsible with time, tasks, money, and the demands of adult life. The ultimate goal is self-government, the ability to exercise all functions without intervention from an external authority.

We do not shelter our children from the consequences of failure, as this is a powerful teacher. If a child is irresponsible and breaks something, he or she must pay for it. Recently one of our children broke a plastic shelf inside our refrigerator door. The replacement part cost $48, which we could have purchased. Instead, our son had to earn the money and replace the item. In the process, he learned responsibility.

We purposefully provide opportunities for our children to be responsible for tasks that stretch them. Our daughter cooks dinner for the family and taught a younger sibling to read. Our pre-teen son played Taps on his bugle for his great-grandfather’s funeral. Our oldest son leads worship for the children’s ministry at our church. We have found that children meet, and often exceed, high expectations and feel honored to be entrusted with a big responsibility.

The opportunities to teach children responsibility are endless—every task, whether small or large, is a building block to teaching a child responsibility. Helping your child learn personal responsibility is an essential aspect of discipleship that will bear fruit in your child’s life and be a blessing to others. How can you help your child learn personal responsibility starting today?

Suggestions for Age-Appropriate Tasks to Teach Responsibility

Determine how much responsibility your child is ready to handle based on his or her maturity level. Some of these tasks may require supervision.

Ages 2-3

  • Pick up toys and books.
  • Dust with socks on their hands.
  • Help make the bed.
  • Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
  • Help feed pets.

Ages 4-5

  • Put away toys after playing.
  • Water plants.
  • Help with preparing food.
  • Help with putting away groceries.
  • Help with setting and clearing the table.

Ages 6-8

  • Take care of pets.
  • Sort and put away laundry.
  • Take out the trash.
  • Keep their room clean.
  • Sweep floors

Ages 9-12

  • Vacuum floors.
  • Load and unload the dishwasher.
  • Help prepare simple meals.
  • Operate the washer and dryer.
  • Clean the bathroom.

Ages 13-18

  • Prepare meals for self and the family.
  • Mow the lawn and do other yard work.
  • Deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms.
  • Wash and vacuum the car.
  • Shop for groceries and other essentials.

After having served as a pastor for nearly 20 years, Josh Mulvihill is now the Executive Director of the Church and Family Ministry at RenewaNation. He has a PhD in Family Ministry and he serves as the vice chairman of the Awana Board. He is the author or editor of 10 books on parenting, grandparenting, and family ministry. He and his wife, Jen, are homeschooling their five children at Prairie Hill Farm in Minnesota. Josh can be found at GospelShapedFamily.com. If you want to read more practical parenting advice, you will want to get the book that he co-authored with his wife titled “50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home,” available at www.shop.renewanation.org.

Discipling Children Using Great Books

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“Oh please, read one more chapter!” Every parent or grandparent who reads with children has heard this request. Some of our fondest memories as a family are around great books read aloud together. We read until 1 a.m. to learn if Janner and Tink would escape from the fangs in the Wingfeather Saga and found ourselves laughing in one moment and crying in the next. We snuggled under warm blankets on the couch as a blizzard raged outside while reading The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder. If the Ingalls could make it through that long winter, so could we! We cheered on Reepicheep for his courage in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and longed to be like him. Reading together bonds the family around a shared culture, builds shared values, creates lasting memories, and provides a great opportunity to communicate God’s truth to a child.

Great books are an incredible tool to disciple a child and should be part of your plan to help the next generation develop a biblical worldview. A great book is a doorway into a world of truth, goodness, delight, and adventure. It introduces us to people and places who would have remained unknown. Good books are extraordinary tools that help us to grow into a wise, mature, and godly person. There are few pleasures as wonderful as curling up with a child and a great book.

The Greatest Book

The Bible is the greatest book the world has ever known. It has sold billions of copies because it is the Word of God to man. JRR Tolkien, a believer, described to CS Lewis, a non-believer, the impact of the Bible on all other books, “The reason all the stories are the same is because there is a story underneath every story.” Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, Frodo in The Lord of the Wings, and Janner in The Wingfeather Saga resonate powerfully because they are Christ figures whose story point us to the most wonderful story. The best stories resonate with the true gospel and the truth in books leads us to gaze toward heaven.

Before our children can glean from the wonderful riches of an excellent book, they need a deep and strong foundation from God’s Word. Utilize the Bible as your main source in discipleship. It leads a child to salvation, answers the big questions of life, teaches right and wrong, provides wisdom for life, and teaches sound doctrine that leads to right thinking on all other subjects. The Bible should be taught early and thoroughly so that it is impressed on the heart and mind of a child. The Bible is the strong foundation for providing a child with an excellent education. In previous times, no one would be considered literate without a basic knowledge of the Bible. Include the Bible in your family reading time. Make Scripture reading a routine. A children’s Bible is a great way to introduce the habit of Bible reading in an interactive way and when children are older, a transition can be made to a full text Bible.

We are people of the book. We are literary people. A book, the Bible, is the primary way that God has chosen for us to know Him. We want our children to be lovers of the book and lovers of books. We want them to be godly, know the Lord Jesus Christ, and love Him with their whole heart. If you read the right books alongside the great book, they can be building blocks to help our children be godly and wise for the price of a library card.

What Makes a Book Great?

John Piper once stated, “Read great books in light of the greatest book for the sake of the great commission.” Great books help us to set our affection on Christ and to accomplish God’s purpose in our life. Great books have substance, not just entertainment value. Books are tools to influence character, stir the imagination, to teach children to think, and to encourage integrity.

Great books expand our vision and alter our life. Allan Bloom, author of The Closing of the American Mind, states “The failure to read great books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency—the belief that the here and now is all there is.” Great books help us learn from those who have come before, to live in light of eternity, and to align our life with biblical morality.

The best books reflect real life. They contain heart-ache, sadness, death, sin, and problems. They also contain celebration, joy, life, salvation, and happy endings. They help us to savor life and understand pain. A great book is authentic to life and is able to captivate the imagination of a reader. Proverbs 25:11 states, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” The crafting of words to stir the heart, awaken emotion, and subtly communicate truth is a gift that the best books offer.

A great book has stood the test of time. Is there a reason a book is still in print one hundred years after being written? In addition, you can’t put a great book down. Is your child begging for another chapter? That’s the sign of a great book. A bad book is a big thief. While there are many wonderful, entertaining, or good books you could read to children or grandchildren, my encouragement is to only read the best of the best. Great books are the ones you will want to keep in your family library, provide as gifts to your children and grandchildren on their birthdays, read over and over, and will be cherished for years to come. The mark of a great book is when we catch our children reading it under the covers with a flashlight, after they were told to go to bed. It takes time and energy to find the best books, but it’s worth the effort.

What About Screens?

Great books can replace screens. The famous author Roald Dahl eloquently states, “So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.” Reading is an act of resistance and worldview shaping. You get to decide what you read. The screen decides what you see and watch.

How do you get a child to read books? According to Gladys Hunt, author Honey for a Child’s Heart, child will gravitate to the passions of parents, whether that is books or screens. She states, “If television is more important to parents than books, the children will likely choose the same….The allurement of the screen is no small thing, but television, for the most part, has betrayed its potential. It is responsible for dumbing-down and coarsening the fabric of our society. It keeps pushing at the edge of questionable behavior, and in many homes is a monster in the living room, all chairs facing the screen awaiting the next available amusement.” If we are never excited about books, why would our children get excited about them?

If screens dominate your home, make books a replacement. If you put out grapes alone, your children will eat it and love it. If you provide grapes and ice cream, children will choose ice cream. The same is true with books and screens. You have to remove screens so children love books.

Read Aloud

The best way to experience a great book is to read it aloud. Whether a child is five or fifteen, great books will capture a child’s attention. For those who think that I need a “boy’s book” for my boy or a “girl’s book” for my girl, consider the words of C.S. Lewis, “A children’s story which is enjoyed only by children is a bad children’s story. The good ones last.” The great books transcend age, time, sex and can be read to an entire family.

A parent is a child’s best teacher and books read aloud are a parent’s best tool. There are few things more significant that you can do for your child or grandchild than read to them. No parent knows everything, so invite Francis and Edith Schaefer, CS Lewis, and George McDonald into your living room to help you shape the hearts of your family. Reading aloud books from these authors will create a rich learning environment in your home. Research has found that reading a story gives the brain similar network connections as actually living through an experience yourself. Reading aloud provides your children with what they long for most, time with you.

Your children already love stories. Harness that love. There is no such thing as a child who doesn’t like stories, so find the best ones. If they don’t love reading, it just means you haven’t found the right books yet. Children rarely stumble upon great books by themselves, they must be introduced to them, and you can do this through a read aloud.

What About Fantasy and Fairy Tales?

Read children fantasy and fairy tales. It will not create the false impression of the world they live in or deceive them to believe lies. Instead, it will do the opposite. CS Lewis states, “fairy land arouses a longing for he knows not what. It stirs and troubles him (to his lifelong enrichment) with the dim sense of something beyond his reach and, far from dulling or emptying the actual world, gives it a new dimension of depth.” GK Chesterton adds a compelling reason, “Fairy tales do not tell children dragons exist. Children already know the dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children dragons can be defeated.”

What a tragedy to never experience the worlds of Narnia, the Hundred Acre Woods, Wonderland, the Wild Wood, or Beatrix Potter. Give your children large doses of Roald Dahl, Marguerite de Angeli, and E.B. White. Read them stories with talking animals like The Green Ember and The Wind in the Willows. Enjoy epic hero tales of adventure like 100 Cupboards, Homer Price, and Henry Huggins. Fairy tales plant seeds of truth that find a way into the minds and hearts of children in unexpected ways.

CS Lewis received many questions about whether or not it was appropriate for children to read fantasy and believed, “Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage” and he added, “Let there be wicked kings and beheadings, battles and dungeons, giants and dragons, and let villains be soundly killed at the end of the book. Nothing will persuade me that this causes an ordinary child any kind or degree of fear beyond what it wants, and needs, to feel.” The person who disagrees cannot read the greatest book, the Bible, to a child for it is filled with death, blood, sex, and evil. This tells the reader, I am reading something that is authentic and true, for my knowledge of the world is one of death, violence, pain, adventure, courage and cowards, good and evil. To withhold that is to give our children a false impression of a world that does not exist and prepares a child for the battles he or she will face in the real world.

Reading is the doorway into all learning. Reading great books is an incredible tool parents and grandparents can utilize to help a child develop a biblical worldview. Give great books as gifts. Fill your home with the best books. Leave them all around the house. Children will see one, pick it up, and start reading. Let children read easy books and ditch books they don’t like. Make reading enjoyable! Let children see you reading. If you don’t know how to read aloud, start with a great audio book. Pay attention to authors and publishers you love. If you like one of their books, chances are that you will enjoy more. Chose a great book and begin to read it aloud to your family today!

Biblical Counseling

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Providing Hope and Help for Hurting Families

Ministry to families is more than training and resources; it must include the provision of hope and help to hurting families through care and counseling. God designed the family to be the source of our deepest loves, our most beloved relationships, and to provide care for the needs of its members. In a perfect would, we should associate the family with feelings of joy, the thought of home should bring to mind wonderful memories, and it should function as God designed it. Unfortunately, for a growing number of people, the family is a place of brokenness, pain, hurt, divorce, abuse, betrayal, and conflict. This is real family ministry, and we need to be prepared to provide hope in Christ and help from God’s Word.

Three Ways the Church Can Care for and Provide Counseling to Hurting Families:

1. Families ministering to families

Families need to be in community with other families in the church. There are many practical benefits when this happens, but a huge one is care and counseling. This will account for two-thirds of the needs that families have. Bedtime struggles, the basics of biblical discipline, and how to navigate media usage in the home are all topics parents can help one another with.

I’ve found that families ministering to families happens organically as they spend time together and get to know one another. Sunday morning discipleship classes, small groups, serving together, and church gatherings all provide opportunities for families to be in relationship with one another so that care can occur.

Families need a biblical vision for what relationships looks like in a congregation, and one way this is accomplished is by teaching the “one another” passages in the Bible. The phrase “one another” occurs 100 times in the New Testament; of those, fifty-nine times are specific commands teaching how to, or how not to, relate to one another. Obedience to these commands forms the basis for Christian community and care for one another. Here are a few of the “one anothers” that should shape our care for each other:

  • Love one another (John 13:34)
  • Honor one another above yourselves (Rom. 12:10)
  • Build up one another (Rom. 14:19)
  • Care for one another (1 Cor. 12:25)
  • Serve one another (Gal. 5:13)
  • Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)
  • Bear with one another (Eph. 4:2)
  • Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other (Eph. 4:32)
  • Look to the interests of one another (Phil. 2:4)
  • Teach one another (Col. 3:16)
  • Comfort one another (1 Thess. 4:18)
  • Encourage one another (1 Thess. 5:11)
  • Show hospitality to one another (1 Pet. 4:9)
  • Pray for one another (James 5:16)

I don’t know about you, but I would love to be part of a church that strives to live out these relational principles! Care for others is often messy, is rarely convenient, and it requires sacrifice, but it’s such a joy to both give and receive. Let us avoid centralizing all care in a congregation through the pastor and staff, but rather equip the saints for the work of ministry to one another.

2. Community and support groups

Community group and support group leaders are the front line of pastoral care and should be pastored and equipped with great intentionality. Community groups often take the form of a Bible study or an adult Sunday morning class. The individuals who lead these groups have opportunities on a weekly basis to care for the needs of others. The leader should create the kind of group that is attentive to the needs of others, provides the margin so that care can occur, and leads by example in caring for others.

One of the most effective ways to navigate specific, reoccurring needs is to establish a support group around a topic. Our church offers support groups for parents who foster and adopt, for divorce care, and for teen mothers, as well as Grandparents@Prayer (covers a wide variety of topics). The Bible gives the church a special call to care for individuals when their family falls apart or when someone finds themselves without a biological family. The Bible states, “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6 niv). We are told to “visit orphans and widows in their affliction” (James 1:27). We have found support groups an effective way to do this as a church.

3. Pastoral counseling

Biblical counseling addresses the problems we experience as we live in a sinful and broken world. Counseling is the problem-solving side of discipleship. Biblical counseling is a Word-based ministry, based on the Bible, just like preaching. Preaching is giving truth to a wide audience. Counseling is giving biblical truth to a specific audience. One of the reasons the counseling load in today’s churches is so heavy is because our preaching is so light. Biblical counseling is the private ministry of the Word of God applied to specific needs of individuals.

The primary goal of counseling is maturity in Christ through repentance, trust, and obedience to God, and reconciliation with others. The focus of biblical counseling is righteousness. Sometimes the sin of a family member creates consequences for themselves and other times it creates consequences for their family members. Healthy families are not the goal of biblical counseling. Healthy families are a by-product of a right relationship with Christ, obedience to God, and surrender to Him.

The Ministry of Counseling

Biblical counseling is an instructional ministry. It is informed by Romans 15:14, where Paul tells the Roman church that they are “filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.” Paul tells this local body of believers they are competent to counsel one another because they are Spirit-filled believers equipped with the sufficient Word of God. Paul implies that the Romans had no need to go outside the church for counseling instruction, especially from unbelievers.

Biblical counseling is also shaped by 1 Corinthians 2:4–6, where Paul states that the message he gave to the Corinthian church was not based on the wisdom of this age or of men, but rather the wisdom of God. When we apply this passage to counseling, it means the foundation of our instruction is to be based on the wisdom of God from the Bible, not the wisdom of man found in secular psychology.

The king of all counseling passages is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “And we urge you brothers, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.” Individuals have different counseling needs. Paul mentions four types of people that are helpful to consider.

Admonish the unruly. Unruly is a military term meaning to stray from one’s post. If you are unruly, you have broken rank and are out of line. What would this look like in Thessalonica? Some in the church thought Christ was coming back soon, so they decided not to help in the community. They broke from the expected pattern of community involvement and disengaged. Paul uses a strong word: admonish. This conveys sitting someone down face-to-face and saying, “Let’s get some things straight.” This is firm instruction. This is not dialogue, but authoritative input that one’s behavior is destructive and harms the community. Many of us shy away from admonishing someone who is wayward. It’s not easy to sit down with someone and say, “I care about you but the way you’re living is out of step with what God expects from you.” If anyone has loved you enough to have this kind of conversation, you know it stings, but it also produces the fruit of righteousness.

Encourage the fainthearted. For whatever reason, this person is discouraged. They are losing hope. They are seeing the negative side of life. They may be ready to give up. Encouragement for this person means that we are sympathetic and caring. The fainthearted don’t need a pep talk. They don’t need to be scolded. They need someone to get close to them, to speak tenderly, and to provide comfort. Encouragement for this person means to infuse heart, strength, and a will to continue. In the Thessalonian church there were some people who needed comfort over friends who had died (1 Thess. 4:13) and what would happen in the future (1 Thess. 5:1–11). This person needed to be refreshed and needed hope in Christ.

Help the weak. This means that we give aid. We provide assistance that helps someone to do something. The literal translation is “hold fast to the weak.” We won’t let them fall. This type of encouragement refers to those who will crumble under life’s pressure. This person has grown weary. Their resources in life do not allow them to make the next step. The idea is that with our help, they are able to move forward in life. This person needs someone to put their arm around them and say, “Together we can do this.” We can take the next step together. What did this look like for the Thessalonians? Paul was fearful that they would crumble under the pressure of temptation (1 Thess. 3:5). So what does Paul do to encourage them? He sends Timothy (1 Thess. 3:2). When life gets rough, we all need a Timothy!

Be patient with everyone. This sums up the three modes of encouragement in one. It reminds us that we are all still growing and that no one is perfect. Thankfully, God is not finished with us yet. Paul’s encouragement is that we bear with others and put up with them for a long journey. We are in a relational marathon. It requires a commitment on our end to admonish people when they step out of line, comfort others when they are faint of heart, and support one another when we are weak. We need to hang in there with people no matter where they’re at on the spectrum. Dealing with the unruly, the fainthearted, and the weak is not a quick fix. One conversation isn’t going to solve the issue. We are reminded to be patient in our counseling.

We have marriages, parents, and grandparents affected in each of these categories. Use them to diagnose what each person needs and the steps you will take to help them. Paul tells us the source of encouragement is our relationship with Christ, “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word” (2 Thess. 2:16–17 niv). Ultimately, it is Jesus Christ and the Bible that provide the hope and help to care for hurting families.

Your plan to minister to families should include a care and counseling strategy. Who will provide the counseling? What kind of counseling will they provide? How do families communicate a need for help? How will you train individuals to provide counseling? Which families are currently struggling in your church or school? What are their problems? Answers to these types of questions will help you begin the planning process for a counseling strategy. There are parents and grandparents in your church or school who are struggling to disciple their children or grandchildren because of problems in their home. God has given you the wonderful opportunity to provide hope and help to hurting families through care and counseling.

The article is an excerpt from the book Family Ministry: How Your Church Can Shepherd Parents and Grandparents to Make Disciples by Josh Mulvihill and is available at renewanation.org.

6 Questions to Evaluate if Children’s Ministry Curriculum is Biblically Sound

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There are many different children’s ministry curriculums to choose from, but many of them are Bible-lite, doctrinally-deficient, man-centered, and moralistic. We have to look past the marketing claims, sales pitch, and well-designed images to dig deep enough to understand the theology, educational philosophy, and teaching methods that function as the foundation the curriculum is designed upon. There are more than 200 children’s ministry curriculums to choose from and it can be overwhelming to sift through the options. Here are a few questions to help you assess curriculum:

    1. Are the materials used biblically faithful? Does the curriculum accurately teach passages of Scripture in context? Does the curriculum use a verse as a launch pad into a different topic? Does the curriculum make an object lesson the lesson? Does the curriculum use Bible verses as proof texts or passages of scripture as the foundation of the lesson? Are passages correctly interpreted? Who wrote the curriculum and what is their theology? We want to make sure that children learn the original intent and meaning of the Scripture they are studying.
    2. What is the focus of the curriculum? Is the focus on God and His story or man and his story? Is the curriculum God-centered or man-centered? Does the curriculum focus so heavily on rebellion and salvation that children don’t learn systematic theology or gain moral skillfulness from the grand narrative of Scripture? Does the curriculum lift the eyes of children to the greatness and glory of God or present a diminished view of God? How does the curriculum present morality and what is the connection to God (pay attention for legalism, licentiousness, moralism)? Does the curriculum teach children the whole counsel of God’s Word or a reductionistic version? Every children’s ministry curriculum has a focus and we must carefully assess if it is the focus of the Bible.
    3. Will children gain skills that will transfer into their life? Does the curriculum model how to read a passage of scripture, how to interpret it, and how to apply it to life? Does the curriculum teach children how to rightly handle God’s Word, read it, and memorize it? Are there skills that will transfer beyond the curriculum into the life of a child? Does the curriculum primarily teach children Bible stories or does it give them skills in how to correctly approach God’s Word? We want to use the time we have with children intentionally to help them develop sustainable Bible study habits and skills.
    4. Does the curriculum teach children to think biblically? Does the curriculum help children develop a biblical worldview about origins, purpose in life, view of God, the Bible, manhood and womanhood, marriage, the church, the person and work of Jesus, how to live in the world, the problem of sin, and salvation through Christ? Does the curriculum help children to think critically about the views of the world and test ideas according to the Bible? Do you notice cultural buzzwords or concepts that have crept into the curriculum? Children will not be faithful to a faith they do not understand and cannot defend.
    5. How will parents be supported in their God-designed role with their children? Does the curriculum include tools to communicate regularly and effectively with parents? Does the curriculum provide resources to help parents disciple their children at home? \Many curriculums unintentionally become the primary means of discipleship for a child so we want to support and encourage parents in their discipleship role.
    6. What is the educational philosophy of the curriculum? How does the curriculum define education? According to the curriculum, what is the purpose of educating children? Is there clarity about what education is, who is responsible for it, and how God commands us to educate children? What are the teaching methods that the curriculum utilizes and how does the curriculum connect these methods to scripture? Does the curriculum rely on video or live teachers? Does the curriculum use a one-sized fits all educational approach or are the different stages of a child’s development reflected in the curriculum? Many curriculums are marketed as easy-to-use and engaging, but children are not learning God’s Word or being transformed by it.

The next time you evaluate curriculum, use these six questions to help you evaluate a biblically sound curriculum that will shape the hearts and minds of children. Do your research and dig deeply!

Countering Common Objections to Christian Education

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Many arguments are made against Christian education by parents and even some pastors. The most common objections will be responded to in this article.

Objection #1: Christian education shelters children from the real world.

The Truman Show was a blockbuster movie that told the story of a man named Truman Burbank. He grew up living what he thought was an ordinary life, but unbeknownst to him, the world he lived in was a large set for a 24/7 reality television show with thousands of hidden cameras, populated with actors, and he was the unsuspecting star. Truman’s hometown Seahaven Island is a set built within an enormous dome, which allows the producer to control every aspect of Truman’s life, including the weather. As the movie progresses, Truman begins discovering unusual elements, starts to question his life, and begins a journey to discover the truth about his world. His journey leads him on a long trip where he runs into the wall of the dome and discovers a nearby staircase leading to an exit door. As Truman considers leaving his world, the producer speaks directly to Truman through a speaker system and tries to persuade him to stay by claiming that there is no more truth in the real world than in his artificial one, where he will have nothing to fear. After a moment of contemplation, Truman bows to the audience and exits.

Millions of children are living a different version of The Truman Show based on an artificial world, except it is called public school. Public education presents a world where God does not exist and is irrelevant to life. In the illusionary world taught to children at public schools, the universe came into existence through evolution, children can choose if they are a boy or girl, and marriage can be between two men or two women. It is a fantasy world where morality is a social construct and promiscuous sex is a good thing. Parents who send a child to public education aren’t preparing children for the real world. They are introducing them to an artificial world built on faulty beliefs and the results are devastating for children. Like Truman, it’s time for parents to exit the artificial world of public education for the real world of Christian education.

In the real world, God reigns as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. In the real world, God created the universe, He defines what it means to be human and what marriage is and is not. In the real world, morality is based on God’s absolute, unchanging law found in the Bible. The real world is a place where God is sovereign, where He controls the laws of science, gave us language and mathematics, created the world to display Himself, and is the author of all history. Good Christian education teaches these life-giving truths and helps children become deeply rooted in the Christian faith while exposing children to worldly ideas to be analyzed through the Bible (Col. 2:6-8; 2 Cor. 10:5).

Education should be built on a strong Christian foundation not an artificial world. If the choices a young person makes are to be good ones, this person must understand the true reality of the world and understand the framework for truth. In biblical language, this is called knowledge. This is why the Bible says that the fear of the Lord begins with knowledge (Prov. 1:7). This of course is not any knowledge, but knowledge of the truth; that God exists and He created the world for a purpose, that we are sinners, and Jesus is the only Savior. These truths are the essential knowledge that a true education teaches and reinforces. If parents want to teach children about the real world, then the only choice is Christian education.

Objection #2: I went to a public school and I love Jesus.

Many Christian parent’s rationalize that they went to a public school and still love Jesus, so why shouldn’t their children do the same? I know smokers who never got cancer and obese individuals who never had heart disease. Certainly, we wouldn’t point to these instances as a reason to start smoking or eating poorly. We can also point to Christian children who went to a public school and love Jesus. Similarly, we would be unwise to use the positive outcomes of the few as justification for school choice. We must remember that the end never justifies the means and experience is not our standard of authority. Please do not make the mistake of using your experience, or that of others, as the standard for your educational decisions. The Bible must be our authority and it tells us the what, why, who, and how of education. In addition, public schools today are fundamentally different than the public school you remember and exponentially more secular in every way. Gone are the days when chewing gum in class and running in the halls where the biggest concerns in public education. Christianity and biblical morality have largely been banned from schools and replaced with a woke agenda, LGBTQ ideology, declining academics, escalating violence, an anti-family agenda, and atheism in curriculum. Voddie Baucham once said, “We cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans.” We would be wise to recognize this reality.

Objection #3: Parents choose Christian education because of fear rather than trusting God.

The primary reason Christian parents should pursue Christian education is to obey the commands of Scripture so that they raise children to know, love, and serve Christ their whole life. The Bible has a lot to say about education using the words knowledge, learn, instruct, teach, wise, mind, and think. The Bible is very prescriptive about what children are to be taught (Deut. 4:9; Ps. 78:4; Ps. 34:11), who is to instruct a child (parents, grandparents, and the church, not the government), the purpose of education (2 Tim. 3:17; Col. 1:28-29; Col. 2:6-8), and how children are to be taught (Deut. 6:7-9; 2 Tim. 3:14-15; Eph. 6:4). The biblical vision for a child’s education is centered on and saturated with God’s Word, God’s laws, God’s work, God’s character, the fear of God, and godly living.

The Bible also provides principles about what Christians are to think about and the kind of people Christians are to be around. Paul tells the church at Philippi, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8). Christians are called to meditate on God’s Word day and night (Josh. 1:8). We are told that “bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33) and that education is discipleship where the student becomes like the teacher (Luke 6:40). If anything, it is the fear of the Lord that drives parents to choose Christian education, not fear of man. Parents cannot accomplish what God instructs through public education; therefore, it should not even be an option for consideration.

Objection #4: You should send your children to a public school to evangelize others.

The desire to be salt and light and share the gospel with others is a noble thing, but it is a fundamentally flawed argument as a motive for choosing public education. Jesus never said, “Go and be salt and light.” He said, “You are the light of the world.” We are already salt and light to a dark world and we are called to live this out right now, not use this as justification to immerse a child in a world of darkness. Christian schools and homeschools are salt and light to public education and a dark world. Unbelievers ought to see the attractiveness of Christian education and be drawn to it and to Christ. Christian education is an evangelistic engine to lead children to saving faith in Jesus Christ. According to the Bible, the gospel is to be central to teaching children (Ps. 78:5-7). Paul tells Timothy to continue in what he has learned as a young child, “which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:14-15). What led to saving faith for Timothy? He was taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the teaching of the Bible. Any form of education where the gospel is not central and regularly proclaimed is a departure from Scripture.

Public education may be a mission field, but this does not require the missionaries to be children, nor does it limit the church from evangelizing non-Christian children in their community in other ways and at other times. Solders are not sent into battle until being trained, and this is also to be true for Christian children. Evangelism should happen at public schools, but it is through the effort of Christian adults. As a pastor, I was invited to speak every year to all the eighth graders in one of the largest school districts in Minnesota. I was given a full class period for an entire day during the unit on world religions in history class to explain Christianity and I would share the gospel with every eight grader in our community. As a church, we share the gospel with hundreds and hundreds of children through Awana, VBS, ministry in community parks, camps, retreats, and countless other ways throughout the year. The children at public schools can be evangelized in these kinds of ways.

Education is an evangelistic endeavor where children are the objects of mission, not the agents of mission. To confuse these two items is a major error. Would you send your child to a Muslim, Mormon, or Hindu school? Parents are wise enough to recognize that this would be highly problematic for their child. Public education is highly religious in every way with its own secular creeds and doctrine. Children are taught what to believe about the origin of all things, the purpose of life, the meaning of marriage, what it means to be a man or woman, what went wrong in the world, what is the solution, and are provided a secular moral code to live by. Public education has removed God and substituted man in His place. There is no such thing as religious neutrality in public education. Secular humanists, such as Charles Potter, have been very open about this fact for decades. He states, “Education is thus a most powerful ally of humanism, and every American school is a school of humanism. What can a theistic Sunday School meeting for an hour once a week and teaching only a fraction of the children do to stem the tide of the five-day program of humanistic teaching?” Children from Christian homes are being evangelized and then catechized to believe in the religion of secular humanism. Public schools are winning huge numbers of converts from Christian homes. Education is evangelistic and this is why every child from a Christian home needs a Christian education.

Objection #5: Parents can unteach and reteach their children after school to counter secular thinking.

Parents who are careful about their child’s diet, medications, or media are often far more lenient as to the sort of mental ideas offered to children in education. Every idea is like a seed that is placed in the soil of a child’s heart that grows over time and produces deep roots that are not easily removed. Parents try to convince themselves that a strong, rich home with Christian teaching can offset the false teaching of public schools. This perspective ignores the plain teaching of Scripture that what is sown today will be reaped later. Children spend approximately 16,000 hours at school between K-12th grade and the seeds sown from atheistic secularism will likely be absorbed, in part or total, by children. As a pastor, I often had parents urgently ask for help in the late middle school or early high school years. By this point, the seeds had become invasive weeds and the student would proclaim they no longer believed in God, did not want to attend church, hated his or her parents, or embraced LGBTQ ideas.

If I were to name this approach, I would call it educational bulimia. The child consumes secularism seven to eight hours a day and is encouraged to vomit it up after school. I don’t know a single parent who thinks it’s a good idea for a child to literally drink poison and then purge it later, yet somehow this is acceptable for the soul and mind day after day. It is questionable if such a method is even successful and what lasting impact there will be on the child. Can an hour or two of discussion neutralize a week of influence on a child? Will parents fully be aware what the child is learning from curriculum, peers, and multiple teachers? Is it realistic that a parent will read everything and watch everything to know what is being taught in detail? Are schools and young children reliable and trustworthy to accurately and regularly communicate what is being taught? If Christians are spitting out the views and values upon tasting them, then why continue consuming them? If a child was in Christian education, such a radical approach would not be needed. The best choice is to avoid educational poison and provide a healthy educational meal.

Objection #6: Christian education is too expensive.

Christian education is expensive, but we must think according to biblical principles first and order our life accordingly. The reality is that the cost of non-Christian education is far more costly from an eternal perspective. We may need to make financial sacrifices, but it is well worth it to know that this increases the likelihood of our children walking in the truth and spending eternity with Jesus. For some parents, selfishness and misplaced priorities are the real problem, not the cost of Christian education. There are individuals who value a large home, a new car, an exotic vacation, time at the gym, don’t want to do the hard work of homeschooling, or financially sacrifice for Christian education. It is not a money problem, but a heart problem. One couple told me that they feared what their friends and family would say if they chose Christian education for their children. A major problem is that Christians began educating their children like the world. Now, Christians are allowing the world to educate their children and are paying a huge price.

Jen and I have sacrificed significantly to homeschool our five children. However, what we first believed was a sacrifice has become a huge blessing in our life. God has provided more richly than we ever could have imagined. This didn’t happen overnight. There were some lean years financially, but I cannot think of a better investment in a child than Christian education. For Jen and I, choosing Christian education was a step of faith and an act of trust that God has honored. For many individuals reading this article, you know the value of Christian education and understand the commands of the Bible. What is needed is a step of faith and belief that God will provide a way. I encourage you to set your objections aside and choose Christian education.

Raising Future Men

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I sat in the back of the youth group stunned at the words I just heard from the youth pastor. I looked at the other father who was with me and quietly asked him, “Did I just hear that correctly?” Unfortunately, I had. The newly hired youth pastor was passionately teaching teenagers, including my son, that same-sex attraction was okay and encouraged them to pursue relationships with other same-sex attracted individuals. Later, this same pastor would inform students that he didn’t see anything wrong with crossdressing and that he embraced social justice ideology.

I’ve been a pastor for nearly twenty years, some of that as a youth pastor. I always envisioned my children going to youth group. When progressive views and values were being taught to my son, that changed the trajectory and plans for our family. Youth group is a modern invention that replicates age-based public education. It’s only 70 years old. While I’m not opposed to it, I’m also not married to it. And you shouldn’t be either. Christians have successfully passed on lifelong faith to the next generation for 1950 years before youth group existed and will continue to do so long after it is gone.

God used that experience as a catalyst to encourage a group of five fathers to launch a father and son small group that we call The Man Co. and it has turned out to be a huge blessing for all of us. This article will explain what we do, how we operate the group, and some of the reasons we do what we do. My hope is that you will consider launching a Man Co. group to disciple your son.

A Means to Disciple our Son

God has given the church an important role in the life of the family. Every family in our father and son group worships corporately, serves actively, is involved in different discipleship ministries of the church while recognizing that we are not going to rely on the church to disciple our sons and especially not a 20’s-something individual with half-baked ideas, toxic-theology, and disastrous guidance for life-choices. One of the reasons we homeschool our five children is to do all that we can to help them become mature, godly adults who walk with Christ all their days. God has given parents, specifically fathers, the role of discipling children. A father and son group became a practical way for us to obey God’s command to raise our children in the instruction and discipline of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

The Man Co. is a Wednesday night small group gathering from 6:45-8:30 for middle and high school guys and dads to help one another become mature men who know, love, and serve Christ. We have boys in our group who are from a single-parent home and do not have a godly father-figure in their life. Our focus is on spiritual growth, essential manhood skills, incredible food, and outrageous fun. We want to help our sons embrace and become biblical men, so everything we do is designed toward this end goal. We rotate between homes and the fathers share leadership of the group, so the time commitment outside of our weekly meetings is minimal.

A Community of Godly Men

One of the greatest blessings that we have experienced has been the community of godly friendships that have developed for the dads as well as the sons. Unfortunately, many dads don’t spend much time with other men in quality and long-lasting relationships and many teenage boys don’t have quality friends. After all, we are working hard all day, then get home and focus on our family and it leaves little time for gathering with other men. As a father, it’s been hard to justify a regular commitment separate from my family that takes me away from the home. But a father and son group is the best of both worlds where friendships with godly men are developed while we disciple our sons!

My sons have been blessed to learn from the example, wisdom, and life experiences of the other men in our group. They have been exhorted to holiness, warned about poor life choices, taught invaluable life lessons, and learned what it means to be a man who leads, provides, and protects. To become a man it helps to be around other godly men. Boys will not become mature, godly men by spending their time with immature, ungodly individuals their same age. As a father, I am grateful for other men who have a Titus 2 influence on my sons and model what it looks like to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

Studying God’s Word Together

The childhood and teen years are the time when individuals will acquire the good or bad habits they will have the rest of their lives. J.C. Ryle correctly observed the force of habits in life and reminds us why the child and young adult years are so important:

Habits have long roots. Sin, once allowed to nestle in your bosom, will not be turned out at your bidding. Custom becomes second nature, and its chains are threefold cords not easily broken. Well says the prophet, “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? Then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil” (Jer. 13:23). Habits are like stones rolling downhill—the further they roll, the faster and more ungovernable is their course. Habits, like trees, are strengthened by age. A boy may bend an oak, when it is a sapling—a hundred men cannot root it up, when it is a full-grown tree. . . . So it is with habits: the older the stronger—the longer they have held possession, the harder they will be to cast out.[i]

One of the habits we want our sons to develop is a personal quiet time studying God’s Word daily. Studying the Bible as a group trains our sons to study the Bible as an individual and it allows us to discuss critical topics with our sons such as providing guidance on sound doctrine and thinking about social issues from a biblical perspective.

Our rhythm is to study the Bible as a group twice a month, which works out to every other week. We began the year studying the book of Ephesians and the second half of the year studied 1 Timothy. We cover one chapter per study, which is a manageable pace for everyone. If you are interested in the digital study guide for Ephesians that we wrote for our group, it is available at GospelShapedFamily.com in the store. We purchased a Bible dictionary, Bible commentary, and Bible concordance and gave these study tools to each son in the fall. These tools are used to study the Bible each week and trains sons how to study the Bible as well as how to use reference material.

Essential Manhood Skills, Fun, and Food

Once a month we focus our weekly gathering on teaching the boys an essential manhood skill that will help them grow up into a mature, godly man. It’s a nice change-of-pace from studying the Bible, provides experiential learning, and leverages the strengths of each father. Our list of essential manhood skills that we taught included the following areas: money management, how to budget and invest; interview skills, how to write a resume and how to interview for a job; common etiquette and how to tie a tie; how to choose a date and woe the girl; simple car maintenance, how to change a tire and the oil. Items on our list that we didn’t get to and will include in a future year: how to grill the most amazing meat, small engine repair, how to use common power tools, how to shoot and clean a gun, and first aid skills. For a broader list with resources and teaching points, see my book 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home.

We have a lot of fun together and once a month we plan a fun evening. Our fun events include bowling, a cribbage night, snow tubing, disc golf, Favorite Things Christmas party where we exchanged gifts, Bigger and Better party, end of year party grilling out, and a father and son campout. We eat a meal together each week. Whoever hosts also provides food. Since many fathers are coming straight from work and some of our sons are coming from afternoon commitments, the meal is helpful and allows us to begin each gathering with conversation around great food.

Joining the Circle of Men

It is an arduous journey to reach manhood. Becoming a mature adult is highly ambiguous in our culture. Compared with other societies, ours is short on activities or milestones that mark the arrival of maturity and manhood. In addition, manhood is in a state of confusion today. Society no longer knows what a man is or how a man acts. What is the manhood image that the culture gives us? Feminized culture, indecisive guys, lovers of adrenaline, and weak or passive men. Many boys do not have a compelling vision of what it means to be a godly man. In our generation, a quiet crisis has taken place for young people that has teenagers arriving at the doorstep of manhood who are not prepared to launch well. The Man Co. helps to change all of that. Fathers, here is an opportunity for you to step up and take leadership to raise your son to be a future man by being actively engaged in your son’s life, have high expectations for him, and disciple him to maturity in Christ. A young man who has arrived on the threshold of manhood needs to be invited to join the circle of men. The Man Co. is our way of discipling our sons in a community of godly men studying God’s Word together and training them with essential manhood skills while having fun and eating great food. Maybe it will be for you as well!

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

1 Corinthians 13:11

[i] J.C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men (Moscow: Charles Nolan Publishers, 2002), 12.

 

 

 

 

 

What Does it Mean that a Pastor is a Shepherd?

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God has given pastors a very clear job description in the Bible. Central to that role is shepherding. Peter provides instruction regarding what the shepherding role of a pastor is to entail: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away” (1 Peter 5:2-4).

As someone who was a pastor for nearly twenty years, I read these words and feel the weight of responsibility to the Chief Shepherd. The word that should jump out is the word entrusted. Pastors are entrusted with a great responsibility—the souls of people in a congregation. Sadly, we are all to familiar with pastoral malpractice where a pastor neglects, abandons, abuses, or uses a congregation for his own selfish gain. Equally as common is the pastor who functions as CEO and operates a church like a corporation. The larger a church gets, the further away from the sheep a pastor becomes. Shepherds need to have the smell of sheep on their hands.

I was prompted to think about the role of the pastor shepherd after a recent conversation with a pastor. The pastor is making a philosophical shift from a discipleship-oriented ministry to an evangelism-focused, seeker approach. All pastors feel a tension between evangelism and discipleship, but one of the two will always lead the way in preaching, program details, and primary audience. The seeker-model moves the focus from congregation to community and operates on pragmatism, consumerism, and a faulty theology of the church. It is a proven church growth strategy, so many pastors are attracted to it like a pig to slop because it will help them grow their numbers. Of course, all this happens under the banner of reaching the lost. Therefore, no sacrifice is too great, including the loss of individuals already under the shepherding care of the pastor. They are the sacrificial sheep on the alter of ministry. Pragmatically, it is fine to lose individuals as long as the church regains more. In their mind, growth justifies the decision. Nothing could be further from the shepherding heart of God than this mindset. Let us all rejoice when a new individual comes to faith in Christ, but this is not justification to abandon some of the flock.

It is important to have a clear theology of the church and understand God’s purpose for the gathered community. When the church is gathered its primary purpose is the exaltation of God and the edification, equipping, and encouragement of believers. Preaching done well will always be gospel-centered, but with a focus on calling the believing community to grow in Christ and reach the lost. The great commission is not a summons to come and see, but a call to go and tell. When the church is scattered throughout the week, they are given the responsibility of being salt and light to the community and sharing the gospel with those who need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ. With all of that in mind, I thought it would be helpful to briefly explore what the Bible says about the role of the pastor shepherd in the Bible.

Examples of Shepherd Leaders

Throughout the Bible we see examples of shepherding to care for God’s people. The Old Testament gives us human examples to keep watch over God’s people. God said to David, “You will shepherd my people Israel and you will become their ruler” (2 Samuel 78:72). Moses “brought his peoples out like a flock; he led them like sheep through desert” (Psalm 78:52). Isaiah says of Moses, “He brought them through the sea, with the shepherd of his flock” (Isaiah 63:11).

God used shepherd-leaders such as David and Moses to guide and care for Israel. The Old Testament Prophets called back the sheep that had gone astray and pointed to the God shepherd to come. Those who lead in the church are by definition a shepherd. If you are in a leadership role, what kind of shepherd are you? If you serve in ministry under a shepherd’s leadership, what kind of sheep are you?

Shepherd leadership is manifested in God

If I asked you “Who is God?” Would shepherd rise to the top of your description of him? One of the names God chooses for himself is shepherd. In Psalm 23:1 we are told that the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. God is the ultimate provider, protector and guider for his sheep. “I shall not want.” Nothing is lacking in his care for us. The Psalmist calls us to worship, in part, because he is a good shepherd who loves us, “Come let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our maker; He is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.” What does God’s shepherding care look like? “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11). God is tender, gentle, and loving toward His sheep.

Shepherd leadership is modeled in Jesus

Jesus declares “I am the Good Shepherd I know my sheep and my sheep know me.” Jesus demonstrates for the disciples the model to follow. It is our responsibility as leaders to carry on in obedience the call to protect, provide, and guide Christ’s sheep. Jesus is the true shepherd and we are completely dependent on Him. You are to know God as shepherd and rely on Him for ministry. We cannot lead apart from Him. Of Jesus we read “The Good Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:11) Jesus modeled what a shepherd is to do. There is a great price to be a shepherd. It will cost you your life. Every time you lead and bring forth the Word of God to others, you are dying to self. The model is sacrificial service.

Shepherd leadership is motivated by love

The problem with human shepherds is we always fall short. We abuse power. We act selfishly. The frailty of human shepherds was a major theme in Israel’s history. Ezekiel 34 contains detailed charges against the under shepherds of Israel, who should have been caring for God’s flocks. What are the characteristics of a poor shepherd leader from this passage? They fed themselves rather than the flock (34:2). They failed to strengthen the sick, heal the diseased, bind up the broken and seek the lost (34:4). The result was that people were scattered to foreign lands and became food for beasts. These shepherds failed at their most basics tasks. They were harsh rather than gentle (34:4). Eventually, God removes them and promises his shepherding care (34:7-10).           

Faithful shepherds are not self-serving. God speaks strongly against the selfish motives of leaders who neglect, exploit, and prey upon others. The Bible condemns those who act like owners over a ministry rather than stewards of the sheep entrusted to them. There is responsibility language in Ezekiel 34 and lots of sins of omission, what shepherds aren’t doing.

More good shepherds are needed

Maybe God is calling you to shepherd a flock. We need godly men to take the mantle of leadership and say “Here am I Lord, send me.” Has God given you a desire to lead? Has he gifted you to lead? Have others spoken into your life in this way? We need leaders like 1 Peter 5:2-4: self-giving leaders who willingly provide oversight of the flock, are gentle, and not motivated by their own gain. Sheep are precious because they have been purchased by the blood of Christ.

The five functions of a shepherd:

  1. Know the sheep. From the moment we are born we want meaningful relationships. Loneliness, depression, and isolated people in the age of social media are reaching epidemic proportions. Once again, God provides the model for us. Just as God initiated a relationship with us, shepherds are to pursue sheep to know them (Psalm 100:3). What does it mean to know our sheep? We must know who is in our flock and know the details of their life enough to shepherd them. Peter reminds us that each sheep is “entrusted to your care” (1 Peter 5:3) and we will be held accountable for how we shepherd each person.

  2. Feed the sheep. Provision is the second need met by the shepherd. Sheep always depend on the shepherd. What does the shepherd feed the sheep? Matthew 4:14 tells us that it is the living, powerful Word of God. The Word of God is what satisfies the soul. Shepherds are to feed the whole council of God’s Word. It is the Word that will nourish and encourage the sheep. “Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart who will feed you on knowledge and understanding” (Jeremiah 3:15). The Bible suggests the following need feeding: (1) Young and weak (Titus 2). (2) Those who labor under sin (1 Peter 1:3). (3) Declining Christians in serious sin and losing zeal (1 Thessalonians 5:14). (4) The strong. They need encouragement to keep on.

  3. Lead the sheep. The psalmist states, “Then he led out his own people like sheep and guided them in the wilderness like a flock” (Psalm 78:52). Jesus is the Good Shepherd. “He leads me beside quite waters.” Good shepherd leaders do the same. Our people face decisions and crossroads in life. Shepherds show them the right path to take. How do they lead? Not lording it over. Shepherds always lead the flock from the front. They never drive them from behind. They stay ahead, show the way, and protect, but not too far ahead. Shepherds are told to be an example to the flock (1 Peter 1:3). Leading begins with Christ-like character. Failure here sabotages the rest of ministry. It must be clear that you know Christ and burn for Him.

  4. Protect the sheep. Sheep need safety from wolves (Acts 20:29). Sometimes wolves come from outside the church and sometimes they come from within. Both require strong leadership. Shepherds are commanded to “be alert” (Acts 22:31). They are told, “Watch out for false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing but they are ferocious wolves (Matthew 7:15). Shepherds have a responsibility to address false doctrine, distortions of the truth, and erroneous teachings. Sheep are vulnerable creatures. They easily wander, which is why protection is critical for shepherds. We are to be like David who fought the lion and bear (Ps. 23:4-5) and the apostle Paul who addressed false doctrine and sin in the church.

  5. Gather the sheep. If a sheep goes astray, a shepherd is to make every attempt to go after it. God gathers his people. He leaves the 99 to find the one. God has given shepherds important tools and they are to be used. Shepherds have the staff and rod for discipline and defense. They have a voice so that sheep may know and follow. They have fences to keep sheep from wandering.

God’s call to shepherds is to pay careful attention to your flock. If shepherding is something leaders are called to do. It is important to have a well-considered strategy to accomplish the task. Do you have a plan to shepherd your flock? Is there a system so that you do not miss people? Is it comprehensive to include all those under your care? Is there training for leaders so they know how to shepherd?

Diagnose each sheep: Consider which category each sheep falls into. Healthy sheep: Regular attendance at worship, ministers to others in some way, seeks to live in obedience to Christ and the Bible. Weak sheep: Attend worship, but do not serve. May have absorbed worldly ideas or priorities other than Christ. Their main concern is limited to themselves or they may have relationship struggles that prevent fruitful ministry. Stray sheep: Uninvolved in ministry and sporadic attendance. Pursing sin or making foolish choices. Lost sheep: Forsaken the church and Christ. They have wandered away. Inactive sheep: Would like to be here, but cannot. This could include the elderly, college students, or someone who is sick.

Shepherding must be relational. We must know our sheep. The business of the shepherd-leader is the sheep. May it be reflected in how we operate as the church.