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Welcome to a World Where Family Discipleship Is Not the Norm

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It’s important for us to be honest about how things are going and we can do that by looking at some research that helps us put a pulse on the discipleship of children and youth. I realize that numbers are not the most exciting thing, but good research helps us gain an accurate picture of reality. More than that, these numbers tell a story: They represent real people, with real beliefs, and they also help us to understand what is happening in churches and homes today. If you feel there are major changes happening in our world, you aren’t alone. We can feel it, but are we truly aware of the gravity of what is happening? I promise that I won’t bore you, but we need to have a bit of a family meeting about how we are doing passing on faith to future generations by looking at a few research studies.

Biblical Worldview Studies

Every adult has a worldview, even if they aren’t aware of it. Children and youth are in the process of developing their worldview, which is one reason children, youth, and family discipleship is critical. Worldview is the culmination of our views and values that creates our belief system. Worldview is simply what a person believes and how a person lives. It’s a way of seeing the world. A person’s worldview is shaped by how they answer the big questions of life such as “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” “Why is there evil in the world?” “What is the solution?” “How do I make the world a better place?” Our worldview shapes how we think about both the mundane and major life issues, and it is our source for making decisions. Maybe you’ve heard someone say, “It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you believe something.” Of course, that’s not true because what we believe does matter. Beliefs have real-life consequences. And that’s why worldview matters.

The Barna Group’s Biblical Worldview Survey

The Barna Group interviewed 1,000 people in five-year intervals beginning in the 1990s up to the present to measure their biblical worldview. Quantifying biblical worldview is not easy and requires the researcher to identify a set of beliefs as “biblical.” For the purpose of the survey, a biblical worldview was defined as believing that absolute moral truth exists; that the Bible is totally accurate in all of the principles it teaches; that Satan is considered to be a real being, not merely symbolic; that a person cannot earn their way into heaven through good works; that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; and that God is the all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the world who still rules the universe today. Anyone who held all of those beliefs was said to have a biblical worldview. The research revealed that only 9 percent of Americans have a biblical worldview and that those in the teens and early twenties rarely possess a biblical worldview. One of the findings is particularly important for those who disciple children. Barna states,

A person’s worldview is primarily shaped and is firmly in place by the time someone reaches the age of 13; it is refined through experience during the teen and early adult years; and then it is passed on to others during their adult life. Such studies underscore the necessity of parents and other influencers being intentional in how they help develop the worldview of children.

A child’s belief system is largely established by the time they reach the teen years. The childhood and middle school years are the time to do the heavy lifting with discipleship. Waiting until children are older to teach the truths of the Bible is a recipe for disaster. Children need to be taught the whole Scripture and core doctrines beginning when they are little. Of course, that is nothing new. The Bible has taught these principles for thousands of years. Paul says to Timothy, “and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim. 3:15, emphasis added). Strategically, this means the early years are important, and this should be reflected in our discipleship efforts with children.

George Barna writes that the decline in biblical worldview from older to younger generations suggests parents are not helping their children develop a biblical worldview. He points out, “One of the challenges for parents, though, is that you cannot give what you do not have, and most parents do not possess such a perspective on life.” Churches have an incredible opportunity to help parents develop a biblical worldview, and in turn, parents will do the same for their children. Could it be that parents are abdicating their discipleship responsibility to the church in part because they have an underdeveloped biblical worldview and know they need help to teach their children the truths of the Bible? When a church fails to disciple parents, the church unintentionally encourages the parent to rely on the church and the church enables an unhealthy cycle. Parents are equally to blame in this process, but the church further disincentivizes parents by stepping into their role and discipling their children for them.

Arizona Christian University’s American Worldview Inventory

The American Worldview Inventory (AWVI) is an annual survey that evaluates the worldview of the US adult population (age eighteen and older). The AWVI is based on several dozen worldview-related questions that measure both beliefs and behavior within eight categories of worldview application. Researchers found that only 4 percent of American adults have a biblical worldview. For young adults ages eighteen to twenty-nine, the number drops to 2 percent. I want you to recognize what appears to be happening in America. The older generations are not transferring faith to younger generations, so with each new generation we see a shrinking number of individuals with a biblical worldview.

Perhaps even more surprising, researchers found that only 21 percent of individuals who attend an evangelical Protestant church have a biblical worldview. Let that sink in for a moment. Only one in five people who walk into an evangelical Protestant church on Sunday have a biblical worldview. What does this mean for your parents, volunteers, small group leaders, Sunday school teachers, and those who are teaching children and youth? It means that you must not assume they have a biblical worldview, because many do not.

The ACFI is particularly valuable for a discussion about family discipleship because the survey purposely measured the biblical worldview of parents of preteens as well as that of pastors. The study found that only 8 percent of born-again parents of preteens have a biblical worldview. The ACFI suggests that most Christians hold to syncretism, a smorgasbord of beliefs from other worldviews such as New Age spirituality, secularism, or even Islam, and blend some of these ideas into their Christianity to create a customized belief system. These are the parents in our churches and schools, and their views and values are being passed on to their children. The other finding worth noting is the biblical worldview of pastors. Among senior pastors, 41 percent have a biblical worldview; associate pastors, 28 percent; teaching pastors, 13 percent; only 12 percent of children’s and youth pastors have a biblical worldview, and executive pastors came in at 4 percent. If this research is correct, then it is shocking. Much like parents, children’s and youth pastors cannot pass on what they do not have.

Conclusion

Eventually, the balance sheet will reveal the problems. The last thing I want is to discourage anyone, but we do have to address the dire reality of where we are. I’m not trying to cast blame on anyone, just point out that the results aren’t good. In fact, they’re pretty bad, and we need to have enough intellectual honesty and emotional maturity to admit that.

Now, in one sense, the failure of Christian parents passing on faith to future generations isn’t a modern phenomenon. It’s as old as the Old Testament. Judges 2:10 states, “There arose another generation after them that did not know the Lord or the work he had done for Israel.” In another sense, something new is happening. The culture is rapidly changing and that is making it more difficult than ever to pass a lifelong faith in Jesus to the next generation. Children are now immersed in secularized views and values every day—and they’re absorbing beliefs and lifestyles that do not align with the Bible.

Christians should have a biblical worldview, but many do not. Christians increasingly have a sincere faith but think and live in unbiblical ways. Many Christians have absorbed the secular views of culture and have integrated them into their belief system. The problem is that every worldview, other than a Christian one, is completely at odds with the Bible. They cannot coexist, which means Christians often think and live like secularists without knowing it. Christian parents are having their views and values shaped by culture in unbiblical ways. A large part of your job is to disciple parents with a biblical worldview so they can disciple their children and we must also prioritize the worldview training of staff and volunteers under our care.

This article is an excerpt from the book Family Ministry: How Your Church Can Shepherd Parents and Grandparents to Make Disciples.

The Sexual Revolution Comes to Your Home

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The sexual revolution is actively seeking to recruit, catechize, and destroy our children, but awareness and intentionally teaching God’s truth can combat this destructive enemy. We’ve all witnessed the growing popularity of transgenderism, the acceptance of homosexuality, the declining marriage rates, and the regularity of divorce. Where did these societal norms come from and how did we get to this point? More importantly, how do we navigate this as families, churches, and schools? What messages do we need to be aware of and protect our children from?

To understand our current reality, it’s helpful to recognize how we arrived where we’re at by taking a brief look at two significant figures in the history of the sexual revolution, Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) and Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957). Don’t think that two dead guys are irrelevant for today. Their ideas have shaped our society and impact your children. Take a moment to learn about Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Reich so that you can recognize the poisonous messages of the sexual revolution today, protect your children from them, and help children develop a biblical view of marriage, sex, manhood, and womanhood.

Human Sexuality and the Gospel According to Freud

Sigmund Freud was a highly influential psychologist who believed the goal of life is happiness and the way to be happy is through sexual pleasure. He believed that children are sexual beings from birth and need to have sex whenever they want in order to develop properly. Freud proposed a series of five stages in which people mature, all of which, are focused on seeking sexual gratification. He believed that each stage is motivated by an intense sexual desire. If a child does not receive the proper satisfaction in each stage, they will not develop properly into an adult. The result, he believed, is the child will develop feelings of inadequacy, repressed emotions, and suffer poor self-worth.

Freud believed that sexuality shaped identity. For Freud, sex shapes a child’s personality and relationships beginning at birth and continues through adulthood. Each stage of life needs a sexual outlet and becomes an all-consuming reality that is always present. He claimed that everything in life is about sex. Fast forward to today, and society has embraced the idea that our sexuality tells us who we are. Therefore, the rejection of a person’s sexual choices, such as homosexuality or transgenderism, is equivalent to the rejection of the person. Not allowing a child to pursue a personal sexual choice is equivalent to preventing them from being their true self, and in some states like California and Minnesota, is classified as child abuse.

I want you to recognize the massive theological problems of Freud’s ideas and reject them. Freud established a sexual worldview to replace the gospel. It was the lens through which Freud viewed the world. He replaced the Christian view that the problem of the human condition is sin and its solution is salvation in Christ with a therapeutic worldview focused on discontent and sexual desire. Freud believed the problem in childhood is repression of sexual desires and that humans suffer when they are denied sexual pleasure. Freud systematized life around sexual impurity and dishonorable passions; the very things Romans 1:24-28 says are the outcome of rejecting God. Freud’s faulty beliefs about God and humanity led to a distorted and destructive view of marriage and sex where Christianity becomes guilty of an outdated sexual ethic and is the oppressor squelching human freedom and flourishing.

The Secular Sexual Worldview

  • Who am I? Sexuality is identity and is equivalent to being one’s true self.
  • What is my purpose? Happiness comes through sexual pleasure.
  • What is the problem? Sexual oppression due to societal norms that do not allow certain forms of sexual expression or gratification.
  • What is the solution? Sexual liberation from societal norms and abolishing sexual limits.

Freud believed that society demonizes certain forms of sexual expression for the sake of public order, not because there is a God-established moral standard. Freud concluded that those whose sexual desires are unacceptable to society will face one of two miserable futures; if they act on their desires, they will be labeled a pervert. If some people are successful and able to repress their sexual impulses, they will inevitably become neurotic and suffer mentally as victims of society’s unkind requirements. According to Freud, the problem is not individual sexual desires, but societal norms. The individual is a victim of society, so by default, societal norms are the problem and need to change. Freud’s solution is to abolish sexual limits and liberate society from sexual norms.

Freud set the stage for the sexual revolution by giving society the “scientific” justification to abolish all sexual limits. Society has increasingly treated traditional sexual standards as culturally derived rather than grounded in God’s divine order. Take a moment to consider the implications of society making sexual pleasure the focal point of life. Think about what happens when a child believes that sexuality shapes identity, that God’s standards of sexual morality is oppressive, and lives according to Freud’s sexual worldview.

Freud’s ideas granted permission for the sexual revolution and have shaped the way multiple generations have lived, from the hippies and free love in the 1960s to the rainbow flags and pride festivals today. The LGBTQ movement adopted many of Freud’s views. They expanded upon his assumption that social stigma and private shame over “inappropriate” sex is a crushing force that harms people. The destigmatizing of sexual minorities and the abolition of any sexual standard is their moral path forward. The LGBTQ movement has taken Freud’s views to their logical conclusion: imagining a sexual utopia of free love.

America’s Sexual Evangelist

Wilhelm Reich, who came out of the German Frankfurt school in the 1920s, took Freudian ideas on sexual desire and combined them with Marxist ideas on revolutionary politics. One of Reich’s best known phrases was, “The act of liberation was to be the orgasm.” For Reich, the sexual revolution was the driving force for a political revolution. Promiscuity is a form of political activism as it combated biblical morality by sleeping around.

Reich was a sexual evangelist and once said, “If you want young people to turn their back on God, get them involved in deviant sexual behavior.” Reich thought the best in man was his sexual cravings. He viewed sin as fear of desire rather than disobedience to God. The healthy person was not the one who could master or deny his impulses, but the one who could fully and freely express them. Reich argued that sexual repression is the problem and a method used by authoritarians to create submission in individuals. He believed that liberation required a sexual revolution to overthrow the oppressive leaders. He was a communist activist utilizing sexual anarchy to destroy the morality of individuals, ruin families, and create chaos in society.

Marxists believe the traditional family is the primary instrument of all oppressive authority. Liberation can only be achieved by overthrowing the family, especially the father. Reich believed that Marxism would fail if it only addressed economic factors and not biblical morality or the family structure that prevented Marxism from gaining acceptance in the United States. Reich sought to destroy the family and stated,

The beginning of a sexual revolution with the current dissolution of the family; the substitution of patriarchal family structure with the socialist collective; the growing involvement of either husband or wife into public functions; the access of sons and daughters to collectives and the subsequent competition of social relationships to family ones; the transferral of children’s responsibility from the parents to society and the collectivisation of children cultivation.

Marxists want to destroy your family and their method to do that is to separate parent from child and transfer influence to other people. Marxists would love for you to believe that it takes a village to raise a family. I’ve seen the village and I don’t want them raising my children. Biblically, it takes a family to raise children. Marxists attack the idea that the husband is the family leader, encourage wives to work outside the home, and promote feminism where women are given complete financial independence and personal autonomy, including choosing one’s own last name. They encourage unrestrained sexual activity and laws protecting homosexuality. They reject abstinence for children and marital faithfulness. Marxists want to replace parental influence and transfer it to society. Think about how these goals have been achieved through the feminist movement, public education, and social media.

A century of attacking marriage and undermining parental responsibility has been effective. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, parents spend two minutes per day reading to children and five minutes per day educating a child who is under eighteen years old. A survey of 3,000 families found they eat an average of four meals together per week. Eric Schlosser, the author of Fast Food Nation, found that families eat twenty percent of meals each week in the car. The Marxist strategy to silence parents and replace their voice with others has been shockingly effective.

Freud and Reich paved the way for sexual promiscuity to be seen as a sacred sacrament. Their ideas have culminated in teaching children that sexual gratification is holy and healthy. Freud’s views encouraged the erosion of biblical morality and the belief that sexual self-control is a great evil. Freud and Reich rejected God, inverted His good-design, attacked marriage and family, redefined sexual morality, built an entire worldview around deviant sexuality, and became evangelists for their new gospel message. The sexual gospel promises joy, freedom, and identity but delivers pain, bondage, confusion, and destruction.

We arrive at our current point in history, which is nothing short of a revolt against God and reality. Rather than have sexual desires transformed by God, we are told to change reality to align with desire. Biblical sexuality is seen as unacceptable and outdated. Individuals who seek to live by biblical sexual standards, believe marriage is between one man and one woman, and desire to have children are the worst of apostates. A man who wears a dress, pretends to be a woman, and goes into a female bathroom is perfectly acceptable. If you publicly state that sex is for marriage or that men and women are biologically different and not inter-changeable, you will be seen as appalling. Society has flipped what is good, right, and true.

Children are being told if their sexual desires are fulfilled, then they’ll be happy. Sex is taught as a normal part of human development and exploration. Children are led to believe that if they are a virgin at their wedding, they have stunted themself developmentally. Rainbow clad foot soldiers try to convince children that they are entirely at the mercy of their sexual desires and that sexual standards must be abolished to pursue personal pleasure. Children are fed the destructive lie that sexual self-control is oppressive and sexual gratification is freedom. Plenty of individuals have acted upon the scientific-sounding permission for sexual promiscuity: do it for your mental health. The number of people suffering moral injury as a result of perversion grows daily and they realize that living without limits and standards isn’t as fun as it looks. The sexual revolution has been disastrous for children, families, marriages, and society.

Sex is an expression of a person’s entire worldview. It reveals what someone believes about God, morality, sin, salvation, humanity, and marriage. When young people understand the why behind sex, that is where reverence is merged with obedience. What is the purpose of sex? Why does God put boundaries around sex? It is within these boundaries that human dignity is affirmed and validated. Once God’s good design for marriage and sex is rejected, all kinds of brokenness, oppression, and degradation occurs to a human being. It’s only within the biblical worldview that a person will find his or her value affirmed and blessings occur.

The sexual revolution is alive and has metastasized into sweat sounding lies wrapped up in deceptive promises delivered in educational classrooms, social media feeds, and pop culture. One of the battlegrounds of our day, that we must win, is to protect the hearts and minds of our children from these destructive lies by teaching them the blessings of God’s truth about marriage and sex from the Bible. We must help children understand that they will be happiest when they live according to God’s good design for marriage, sex, manhood, and womanhood. Don’t believe the lie that a good parent gives their child sexual or gender autonomy. Reject the lie that a good parent affirms their child’s new gender identity or sexual promiscuity. The idea that happiness is the highest goal and childhood autonomy is the greatest right is the poisonous fruit of Freud and Reich. We do not need to be fearful of the sexual revolution, but we do need to be aware, vigilant, and committed to teaching children God’s truth. We can take opportunities to show children how the secular sexual worldview fails and how a biblical view of marriage, children, and sex is good, true, and beautiful. When we do that, we will raise children who have deep and lasting biblical convictions about marriage, sexuality, manhood and womanhood and are not only blessed personally but will be a blessing to society.

Questions to Ask Before Marriage

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Jen and I met in college in an English class during the first month of our freshman year. The English professor announced that she would be assigning partners to edit the other person’s paper. I remember looking around the class for the prettiest girl, which was Jen, and saying a quick prayer, “Dear Lord, please assign me with her.”

I just about fell over with shock and excitement when our names were read as partners. I proceeded to write one of the most grammatically awful papers ever (Was this a strategy to spend more time together?). Thankfully, it didn’t scare Jen away. We dated for nearly four years and got married a few weeks after college graduation. We went through pre-marital counseling, like many young couples do, to learn the biblical principles of marriage. It was fantastic guidance in the most foundational areas, but 21-year old me felt there were topics and areas missed in the pre-marital material that would be valuable for Jen and I to talk about.

On our own, we went through our own version of the questions you will find in this article. I remember sitting at Caribou Coffee in Roseville, Minnesota and discussing the question, “Will we still love one another if either of us goes bald or gets fat?” At first glance, you may chuckle at a question like that, but fast forward a few decades in life and this can be an issue for some people impacting marital faithfulness. A simple, focused, real-life question like this helped Jen and I to gain clarity about each-others commitment to life-long marriage, views of divorce, what we valued as most important in a relationship, and even expectations about exercise and physical appearance. Multiply this kind of conversation around all kinds of topics and it proved to be extremely valuable for us as a couple.

I wrote a book called Questions to Ask Before Marriage to help couples discern biblical alignment and marital compatibility and you will get a taste in this article. The purpose of this article is to help you, even if it is in a small way, have a God-honoring, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage! This resource is meant to help dating couples discern God’s path forward as a couple, build trust, engage in good communication, and have fun while doing it! This isn’t a resource about how to prepare for marriage. It’s a resource meant to help couples answer one question, “Is this the person I want to marry?”

Equally yoked

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God. It’s a huge decision that leads to lifelong blessings or challenges. The Bible tells us that we are to marry someone we are equally yoked with, which means that both people trust in Jesus Christ as their Savior and seek to live in obedience to the teachings of the Bible.

The term “equally yoked” is a powerful image of two oxen moving together in the same direction. A yoke is a wooden frame that harnesses two animals together so they can work as a team. The yoke allowed two oxen to pull a plow, cart, or heavy load. The agricultural image presents a biblical principle that applies to marriage. A yoked team of animals operates as one unit, going in the same direction and working to accomplish the same goals. They are one in purpose, one in direction, and one in function and this is to be true of a marriage as well.

A couple needs to be in alignment with their views and values of life to be equally yoked. Imagine a team of two oxen that are unequally yoked. They are pulling against each other, heading in different directions, working toward a different goal, and trying to accomplish a different purpose. A couple can be equally yoked through a strong foundation built on the truth of the Bible and a relationship centered on Jesus Christ.

Strategic conversations about critical areas of life

I’ve been in full time ministry for over twenty-five years and I’ve provided pre-marital counseling for more couples than I can count. One of my goals in pre-marital counseling is to equip a couple with a robust biblical understanding of marriage and sexuality. Couples need to understand God’s purpose for marriage, their biblical role as husband and wife, how to maintain a godly relationship with one another, the biblical view of having and raising children, how to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy, how to navigate sin and forgiveness in marriage, and how their marriage serves God and others.

These topics provide a strong biblical foundation to build a marriage upon, but conflicts and challenges can arise in other areas of a relationship such as parenting styles, emotional health, family health history, navigating extended family relationships, financial habits, how to discipline children, career goals, education plans, sexual expectations, eating habits, lifestyle choices, hobbies, and many other topics that often don’t surface until after a couple says “I do,” live under the same roof, and realize they have a very different approach to certain areas of life, which leads to friction, tension, and problems. Strategic conversations help you share your expectations, dreams, values, and preferences so you avoid potential relationship landmines.

How to use this resource

Jen and I developed a three-step process for our discussions that I recommend you follow: read, discuss, and score. Read the questions 1-3 days before a discussion so that each person has an opportunity to think about their answers. You will increase the depth and quality of conversation when you’ve prepared in advance and avoid “I don’t know” answers.

Discuss the questions. Take as much time as needed. Each person should answer a question thoroughly enough that the other person is satisfied with the answer.

Score the answers to each question. You are seeking alignment in your views and values with one another, centered on Christ. The following scoring system will help you identify when there is agreement, disagreement, or a warning sign. You will see three symbols; a heart which signifies total agreement, a red flag which represents total disagreement, and yellow sign for partial agreement or disagreement. If you are in full agreement, mark the question as a heart. If you cannot get to a place of agreement, mark it as a red flag. If there is a lack of clarity or partial agreement/disagreement, then mark the question as a yellow caution sign. You can expect to have lots of hearts and hopefully very few caution signs or red flags. If you marked something as a yellow sign, come back to it and discuss it until it becomes a heart or red flag.

A red flag is a recognition there is not alignment in an important area of your relationship with one another and it indicates that there could be a serious problem in the future. The best time to recognize there may be a problem is before the wedding, not after you say “I do.” If a red flag exists, then this gives you the opportunity to fully discuss it as a couple. Take a red flag seriously and talk about it. If you consider something to be a red flag, then confront it, and don’t ignore it as “no big deal.” If the red flagged topic is a significant issue to either person and you cannot get to a place of agreement, then this may indicate incompatibility in marriage.

To get started, begin with the first question and work your way down. Go in order and read the question out loud. Each person should answer every question. Mark each question as a heart, red flag, or yellow sign. The questions below are taken from the first section on biblical beliefs from Questions to Ask Before Marriage.

Questions to discuss about biblical beliefs:

  1. What is your testimony? How did you come to faith in Christ? How confident are you of your salvation?
  2. Would you consider yourself more conservative or liberal in your beliefs? Why?
  3. What are your beliefs about Jesus, God, and the Bible?
  4. How would you describe your theological views on the following topics: Calvinism vs Arminianism; infant baptism vs believer’s baptism; the charismatic gifts; creation vs evolution; and feminism.
  5. To you, what are some important, nonnegotiable, biblical principles or priorities? Why?
  6. How do you feel about the church in general? How are you involved and in what ways have you served at your church?
  7. What are your views about attending church and expectations about participating in a small group or Bible study? How involved do you want to be in a local church?
  8. What type of worship service, denomination, and size of church do you prefer? Why?
  9. What are your convictions about abortion, homosexuality, and transgenderism?
  10. Describe your devotional and prayer life. What habits do you practice regularly to help you grow as a Christian? How do you feel about us reading the Bible together and how often? Why?
  11. What are your passions in life? What do you consider to be your purpose in life?
  12. How would you describe your political views?
  13. What are your views about heaven and hell, tattoos, gambling, and alcohol?

Happily ever after

Those three words are something we all long for. Ultimately, happiness is found only in Jesus. But your marriage will contribute significantly to making your life enjoyable or miserable. So, choose wisely who you marry. Remember, marriage lasts for a lifetime so make sure that the person you are dating (or your child is dating) is the person you want to wake up with every morning for the rest of your life.

If you are in a serious dating relationship, know anyone who is in a pre-marriage season, or want to plan ahead when that time arrives, then consider purchasing a copy of Questions to Ask Before Marriage. In total, there are 150 questions. The questions are designed around seven categories: biblical beliefs, marriage, family, personal growth, financial, relational, and physical. This is a great resource to utilize in pre-marital counseling alongside a book that teaches the biblical principles of marriage. During each meeting with the pastor, discuss the answers to a section or two. If there are any questions that create a concern or lead to a disagreement, then it’s helpful to have a godly person to provide wisdom.

I want to help you avoid miserable ever after and arrive at happily ever after. Hopefully, this resource has helped you discern God’s path for you as a couple and answer the question, “Is this the person I want to marry?” May the Lord bless you with a vibrant, Christ-centered, lifelong, and joy-filled marriage!

Helping Your Child Learn Personal Responsibility

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My wife and I decided that our children were getting old enough to leave them home alone for short periods of time, so we thought that a fifteen-minute walk down our country gravel road would be a good place to start. We told our children, “You have one job—safety! Make sure everyone is safe.” It seemed simple enough, and we thought, “What can go wrong in fifteen minutes when we are only a couple of blocks away?” It turns out that a lot can go wrong. When we turned into the driveway at the conclusion of the walk, our son came bursting out the back door, screaming at the top of his lungs, holding a rag over his mouth. When he removed the rag, tooth chunks fell to the ground.

After we left for the walk, the children decided to play baseball. In the house. With a full-sized bat and ball. Our son was hit in the mouth with the bat when he was rounding third, headed for home, and his sister had a major league-worthy bat flip after a solid single. Our children didn’t do so well with the small responsibility they were given. It was a teachable moment for our children. We talked about how freedom comes with responsibility, and those responsible with little are often entrusted with more responsibility. We spent thousands of dollars to repair our son’s tooth, but the repair always breaks off, leaving him with half of a front tooth. It is a visual reminder to our children that irresponsible decisions are costly and can be lifelong. God has used that experience, and our children have grown in personal responsibility.

Responsibility is learned through the combination of age-appropriate opportunity plus accountability. It is an art for parents to determine how much responsibility a child is ready to handle. We’ve tried to avoid two opposite ends of the spectrum, giving a child too much responsibility too early or not enough responsibility for their age or maturity level.

Responsibility is the fruit of accepting ownership for something and is displayed through initiative, dependability, and quality effort. Children are by nature irresponsible, so parents need to be prepared to provide unconditional love and see failure as an opportunity for growth. We’ve learned to celebrate small successes when a child is responsible, as this builds confidence, encourages the child to take good risks, and helps them believe they can accomplish difficult tasks.

When a child is young, the parent does everything for the child. Over time, responsibility needs to be transferred to the child so that by the time the child leaves home, they are responsible with time, tasks, money, and the demands of adult life. The ultimate goal is self-government, the ability to exercise all functions without intervention from an external authority.

We do not shelter our children from the consequences of failure, as this is a powerful teacher. If a child is irresponsible and breaks something, he or she must pay for it. Recently one of our children broke a plastic shelf inside our refrigerator door. The replacement part cost $48, which we could have purchased. Instead, our son had to earn the money and replace the item. In the process, he learned responsibility.

We purposefully provide opportunities for our children to be responsible for tasks that stretch them. Our daughter cooks dinner for the family and taught a younger sibling to read. Our pre-teen son played Taps on his bugle for his great-grandfather’s funeral. Our oldest son leads worship for the children’s ministry at our church. We have found that children meet, and often exceed, high expectations and feel honored to be entrusted with a big responsibility.

The opportunities to teach children responsibility are endless—every task, whether small or large, is a building block to teaching a child responsibility. Helping your child learn personal responsibility is an essential aspect of discipleship that will bear fruit in your child’s life and be a blessing to others. How can you help your child learn personal responsibility starting today?

Suggestions for Age-Appropriate Tasks to Teach Responsibility

Determine how much responsibility your child is ready to handle based on his or her maturity level. Some of these tasks may require supervision.

Ages 2-3

  • Pick up toys and books.
  • Dust with socks on their hands.
  • Help make the bed.
  • Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
  • Help feed pets.

Ages 4-5

  • Put away toys after playing.
  • Water plants.
  • Help with preparing food.
  • Help with putting away groceries.
  • Help with setting and clearing the table.

Ages 6-8

  • Take care of pets.
  • Sort and put away laundry.
  • Take out the trash.
  • Keep their room clean.
  • Sweep floors

Ages 9-12

  • Vacuum floors.
  • Load and unload the dishwasher.
  • Help prepare simple meals.
  • Operate the washer and dryer.
  • Clean the bathroom.

Ages 13-18

  • Prepare meals for self and the family.
  • Mow the lawn and do other yard work.
  • Deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms.
  • Wash and vacuum the car.
  • Shop for groceries and other essentials.

After having served as a pastor for nearly 20 years, Josh Mulvihill is now the Executive Director of the Church and Family Ministry at RenewaNation. He has a PhD in Family Ministry and he serves as the vice chairman of the Awana Board. He is the author or editor of 10 books on parenting, grandparenting, and family ministry. He and his wife, Jen, are homeschooling their five children at Prairie Hill Farm in Minnesota. Josh can be found at GospelShapedFamily.com. If you want to read more practical parenting advice, you will want to get the book that he co-authored with his wife titled “50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home,” available at www.shop.renewanation.org.

Discipling Children Using Great Books

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“Oh please, read one more chapter!” Every parent or grandparent who reads with children has heard this request. Some of our fondest memories as a family are around great books read aloud together. We read until 1 a.m. to learn if Janner and Tink would escape from the fangs in the Wingfeather Saga and found ourselves laughing in one moment and crying in the next. We snuggled under warm blankets on the couch as a blizzard raged outside while reading The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder. If the Ingalls could make it through that long winter, so could we! We cheered on Reepicheep for his courage in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and longed to be like him. Reading together bonds the family around a shared culture, builds shared values, creates lasting memories, and provides a great opportunity to communicate God’s truth to a child.

Great books are an incredible tool to disciple a child and should be part of your plan to help the next generation develop a biblical worldview. A great book is a doorway into a world of truth, goodness, delight, and adventure. It introduces us to people and places who would have remained unknown. Good books are extraordinary tools that help us to grow into a wise, mature, and godly person. There are few pleasures as wonderful as curling up with a child and a great book.

The Greatest Book

The Bible is the greatest book the world has ever known. It has sold billions of copies because it is the Word of God to man. JRR Tolkien, a believer, described to CS Lewis, a non-believer, the impact of the Bible on all other books, “The reason all the stories are the same is because there is a story underneath every story.” Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, Frodo in The Lord of the Wings, and Janner in The Wingfeather Saga resonate powerfully because they are Christ figures whose story point us to the most wonderful story. The best stories resonate with the true gospel and the truth in books leads us to gaze toward heaven.

Before our children can glean from the wonderful riches of an excellent book, they need a deep and strong foundation from God’s Word. Utilize the Bible as your main source in discipleship. It leads a child to salvation, answers the big questions of life, teaches right and wrong, provides wisdom for life, and teaches sound doctrine that leads to right thinking on all other subjects. The Bible should be taught early and thoroughly so that it is impressed on the heart and mind of a child. The Bible is the strong foundation for providing a child with an excellent education. In previous times, no one would be considered literate without a basic knowledge of the Bible. Include the Bible in your family reading time. Make Scripture reading a routine. A children’s Bible is a great way to introduce the habit of Bible reading in an interactive way and when children are older, a transition can be made to a full text Bible.

We are people of the book. We are literary people. A book, the Bible, is the primary way that God has chosen for us to know Him. We want our children to be lovers of the book and lovers of books. We want them to be godly, know the Lord Jesus Christ, and love Him with their whole heart. If you read the right books alongside the great book, they can be building blocks to help our children be godly and wise for the price of a library card.

What Makes a Book Great?

John Piper once stated, “Read great books in light of the greatest book for the sake of the great commission.” Great books help us to set our affection on Christ and to accomplish God’s purpose in our life. Great books have substance, not just entertainment value. Books are tools to influence character, stir the imagination, to teach children to think, and to encourage integrity.

Great books expand our vision and alter our life. Allan Bloom, author of The Closing of the American Mind, states “The failure to read great books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency—the belief that the here and now is all there is.” Great books help us learn from those who have come before, to live in light of eternity, and to align our life with biblical morality.

The best books reflect real life. They contain heart-ache, sadness, death, sin, and problems. They also contain celebration, joy, life, salvation, and happy endings. They help us to savor life and understand pain. A great book is authentic to life and is able to captivate the imagination of a reader. Proverbs 25:11 states, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” The crafting of words to stir the heart, awaken emotion, and subtly communicate truth is a gift that the best books offer.

A great book has stood the test of time. Is there a reason a book is still in print one hundred years after being written? In addition, you can’t put a great book down. Is your child begging for another chapter? That’s the sign of a great book. A bad book is a big thief. While there are many wonderful, entertaining, or good books you could read to children or grandchildren, my encouragement is to only read the best of the best. Great books are the ones you will want to keep in your family library, provide as gifts to your children and grandchildren on their birthdays, read over and over, and will be cherished for years to come. The mark of a great book is when we catch our children reading it under the covers with a flashlight, after they were told to go to bed. It takes time and energy to find the best books, but it’s worth the effort.

What About Screens?

Great books can replace screens. The famous author Roald Dahl eloquently states, “So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.” Reading is an act of resistance and worldview shaping. You get to decide what you read. The screen decides what you see and watch.

How do you get a child to read books? According to Gladys Hunt, author Honey for a Child’s Heart, child will gravitate to the passions of parents, whether that is books or screens. She states, “If television is more important to parents than books, the children will likely choose the same….The allurement of the screen is no small thing, but television, for the most part, has betrayed its potential. It is responsible for dumbing-down and coarsening the fabric of our society. It keeps pushing at the edge of questionable behavior, and in many homes is a monster in the living room, all chairs facing the screen awaiting the next available amusement.” If we are never excited about books, why would our children get excited about them?

If screens dominate your home, make books a replacement. If you put out grapes alone, your children will eat it and love it. If you provide grapes and ice cream, children will choose ice cream. The same is true with books and screens. You have to remove screens so children love books.

Read Aloud

The best way to experience a great book is to read it aloud. Whether a child is five or fifteen, great books will capture a child’s attention. For those who think that I need a “boy’s book” for my boy or a “girl’s book” for my girl, consider the words of C.S. Lewis, “A children’s story which is enjoyed only by children is a bad children’s story. The good ones last.” The great books transcend age, time, sex and can be read to an entire family.

A parent is a child’s best teacher and books read aloud are a parent’s best tool. There are few things more significant that you can do for your child or grandchild than read to them. No parent knows everything, so invite Francis and Edith Schaefer, CS Lewis, and George McDonald into your living room to help you shape the hearts of your family. Reading aloud books from these authors will create a rich learning environment in your home. Research has found that reading a story gives the brain similar network connections as actually living through an experience yourself. Reading aloud provides your children with what they long for most, time with you.

Your children already love stories. Harness that love. There is no such thing as a child who doesn’t like stories, so find the best ones. If they don’t love reading, it just means you haven’t found the right books yet. Children rarely stumble upon great books by themselves, they must be introduced to them, and you can do this through a read aloud.

What About Fantasy and Fairy Tales?

Read children fantasy and fairy tales. It will not create the false impression of the world they live in or deceive them to believe lies. Instead, it will do the opposite. CS Lewis states, “fairy land arouses a longing for he knows not what. It stirs and troubles him (to his lifelong enrichment) with the dim sense of something beyond his reach and, far from dulling or emptying the actual world, gives it a new dimension of depth.” GK Chesterton adds a compelling reason, “Fairy tales do not tell children dragons exist. Children already know the dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children dragons can be defeated.”

What a tragedy to never experience the worlds of Narnia, the Hundred Acre Woods, Wonderland, the Wild Wood, or Beatrix Potter. Give your children large doses of Roald Dahl, Marguerite de Angeli, and E.B. White. Read them stories with talking animals like The Green Ember and The Wind in the Willows. Enjoy epic hero tales of adventure like 100 Cupboards, Homer Price, and Henry Huggins. Fairy tales plant seeds of truth that find a way into the minds and hearts of children in unexpected ways.

CS Lewis received many questions about whether or not it was appropriate for children to read fantasy and believed, “Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage” and he added, “Let there be wicked kings and beheadings, battles and dungeons, giants and dragons, and let villains be soundly killed at the end of the book. Nothing will persuade me that this causes an ordinary child any kind or degree of fear beyond what it wants, and needs, to feel.” The person who disagrees cannot read the greatest book, the Bible, to a child for it is filled with death, blood, sex, and evil. This tells the reader, I am reading something that is authentic and true, for my knowledge of the world is one of death, violence, pain, adventure, courage and cowards, good and evil. To withhold that is to give our children a false impression of a world that does not exist and prepares a child for the battles he or she will face in the real world.

Reading is the doorway into all learning. Reading great books is an incredible tool parents and grandparents can utilize to help a child develop a biblical worldview. Give great books as gifts. Fill your home with the best books. Leave them all around the house. Children will see one, pick it up, and start reading. Let children read easy books and ditch books they don’t like. Make reading enjoyable! Let children see you reading. If you don’t know how to read aloud, start with a great audio book. Pay attention to authors and publishers you love. If you like one of their books, chances are that you will enjoy more. Chose a great book and begin to read it aloud to your family today!

6 Questions to Evaluate if Children’s Ministry Curriculum is Biblically Sound

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There are many different children’s ministry curriculums to choose from, but many of them are Bible-lite, doctrinally-deficient, man-centered, and moralistic. We have to look past the marketing claims, sales pitch, and well-designed images to dig deep enough to understand the theology, educational philosophy, and teaching methods that function as the foundation the curriculum is designed upon. There are more than 200 children’s ministry curriculums to choose from and it can be overwhelming to sift through the options. Here are a few questions to help you assess curriculum:

    1. Are the materials used biblically faithful? Does the curriculum accurately teach passages of Scripture in context? Does the curriculum use a verse as a launch pad into a different topic? Does the curriculum make an object lesson the lesson? Does the curriculum use Bible verses as proof texts or passages of scripture as the foundation of the lesson? Are passages correctly interpreted? Who wrote the curriculum and what is their theology? We want to make sure that children learn the original intent and meaning of the Scripture they are studying.
    2. What is the focus of the curriculum? Is the focus on God and His story or man and his story? Is the curriculum God-centered or man-centered? Does the curriculum focus so heavily on rebellion and salvation that children don’t learn systematic theology or gain moral skillfulness from the grand narrative of Scripture? Does the curriculum lift the eyes of children to the greatness and glory of God or present a diminished view of God? How does the curriculum present morality and what is the connection to God (pay attention for legalism, licentiousness, moralism)? Does the curriculum teach children the whole counsel of God’s Word or a reductionistic version? Every children’s ministry curriculum has a focus and we must carefully assess if it is the focus of the Bible.
    3. Will children gain skills that will transfer into their life? Does the curriculum model how to read a passage of scripture, how to interpret it, and how to apply it to life? Does the curriculum teach children how to rightly handle God’s Word, read it, and memorize it? Are there skills that will transfer beyond the curriculum into the life of a child? Does the curriculum primarily teach children Bible stories or does it give them skills in how to correctly approach God’s Word? We want to use the time we have with children intentionally to help them develop sustainable Bible study habits and skills.
    4. Does the curriculum teach children to think biblically? Does the curriculum help children develop a biblical worldview about origins, purpose in life, view of God, the Bible, manhood and womanhood, marriage, the church, the person and work of Jesus, how to live in the world, the problem of sin, and salvation through Christ? Does the curriculum help children to think critically about the views of the world and test ideas according to the Bible? Do you notice cultural buzzwords or concepts that have crept into the curriculum? Children will not be faithful to a faith they do not understand and cannot defend.
    5. How will parents be supported in their God-designed role with their children? Does the curriculum include tools to communicate regularly and effectively with parents? Does the curriculum provide resources to help parents disciple their children at home? \Many curriculums unintentionally become the primary means of discipleship for a child so we want to support and encourage parents in their discipleship role.
    6. What is the educational philosophy of the curriculum? How does the curriculum define education? According to the curriculum, what is the purpose of educating children? Is there clarity about what education is, who is responsible for it, and how God commands us to educate children? What are the teaching methods that the curriculum utilizes and how does the curriculum connect these methods to scripture? Does the curriculum rely on video or live teachers? Does the curriculum use a one-sized fits all educational approach or are the different stages of a child’s development reflected in the curriculum? Many curriculums are marketed as easy-to-use and engaging, but children are not learning God’s Word or being transformed by it.

The next time you evaluate curriculum, use these six questions to help you evaluate a biblically sound curriculum that will shape the hearts and minds of children. Do your research and dig deeply!

Countering Common Objections to Christian Education

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Many arguments are made against Christian education by parents and even some pastors. The most common objections will be responded to in this article.

Objection #1: Christian education shelters children from the real world.

The Truman Show was a blockbuster movie that told the story of a man named Truman Burbank. He grew up living what he thought was an ordinary life, but unbeknownst to him, the world he lived in was a large set for a 24/7 reality television show with thousands of hidden cameras, populated with actors, and he was the unsuspecting star. Truman’s hometown Seahaven Island is a set built within an enormous dome, which allows the producer to control every aspect of Truman’s life, including the weather. As the movie progresses, Truman begins discovering unusual elements, starts to question his life, and begins a journey to discover the truth about his world. His journey leads him on a long trip where he runs into the wall of the dome and discovers a nearby staircase leading to an exit door. As Truman considers leaving his world, the producer speaks directly to Truman through a speaker system and tries to persuade him to stay by claiming that there is no more truth in the real world than in his artificial one, where he will have nothing to fear. After a moment of contemplation, Truman bows to the audience and exits.

Millions of children are living a different version of The Truman Show based on an artificial world, except it is called public school. Public education presents a world where God does not exist and is irrelevant to life. In the illusionary world taught to children at public schools, the universe came into existence through evolution, children can choose if they are a boy or girl, and marriage can be between two men or two women. It is a fantasy world where morality is a social construct and promiscuous sex is a good thing. Parents who send a child to public education aren’t preparing children for the real world. They are introducing them to an artificial world built on faulty beliefs and the results are devastating for children. Like Truman, it’s time for parents to exit the artificial world of public education for the real world of Christian education.

In the real world, God reigns as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. In the real world, God created the universe, He defines what it means to be human and what marriage is and is not. In the real world, morality is based on God’s absolute, unchanging law found in the Bible. The real world is a place where God is sovereign, where He controls the laws of science, gave us language and mathematics, created the world to display Himself, and is the author of all history. Good Christian education teaches these life-giving truths and helps children become deeply rooted in the Christian faith while exposing children to worldly ideas to be analyzed through the Bible (Col. 2:6-8; 2 Cor. 10:5).

Education should be built on a strong Christian foundation not an artificial world. If the choices a young person makes are to be good ones, this person must understand the true reality of the world and understand the framework for truth. In biblical language, this is called knowledge. This is why the Bible says that the fear of the Lord begins with knowledge (Prov. 1:7). This of course is not any knowledge, but knowledge of the truth; that God exists and He created the world for a purpose, that we are sinners, and Jesus is the only Savior. These truths are the essential knowledge that a true education teaches and reinforces. If parents want to teach children about the real world, then the only choice is Christian education.

Objection #2: I went to a public school and I love Jesus.

Many Christian parent’s rationalize that they went to a public school and still love Jesus, so why shouldn’t their children do the same? I know smokers who never got cancer and obese individuals who never had heart disease. Certainly, we wouldn’t point to these instances as a reason to start smoking or eating poorly. We can also point to Christian children who went to a public school and love Jesus. Similarly, we would be unwise to use the positive outcomes of the few as justification for school choice. We must remember that the end never justifies the means and experience is not our standard of authority. Please do not make the mistake of using your experience, or that of others, as the standard for your educational decisions. The Bible must be our authority and it tells us the what, why, who, and how of education. In addition, public schools today are fundamentally different than the public school you remember and exponentially more secular in every way. Gone are the days when chewing gum in class and running in the halls where the biggest concerns in public education. Christianity and biblical morality have largely been banned from schools and replaced with a woke agenda, LGBTQ ideology, declining academics, escalating violence, an anti-family agenda, and atheism in curriculum. Voddie Baucham once said, “We cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans.” We would be wise to recognize this reality.

Objection #3: Parents choose Christian education because of fear rather than trusting God.

The primary reason Christian parents should pursue Christian education is to obey the commands of Scripture so that they raise children to know, love, and serve Christ their whole life. The Bible has a lot to say about education using the words knowledge, learn, instruct, teach, wise, mind, and think. The Bible is very prescriptive about what children are to be taught (Deut. 4:9; Ps. 78:4; Ps. 34:11), who is to instruct a child (parents, grandparents, and the church, not the government), the purpose of education (2 Tim. 3:17; Col. 1:28-29; Col. 2:6-8), and how children are to be taught (Deut. 6:7-9; 2 Tim. 3:14-15; Eph. 6:4). The biblical vision for a child’s education is centered on and saturated with God’s Word, God’s laws, God’s work, God’s character, the fear of God, and godly living.

The Bible also provides principles about what Christians are to think about and the kind of people Christians are to be around. Paul tells the church at Philippi, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8). Christians are called to meditate on God’s Word day and night (Josh. 1:8). We are told that “bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33) and that education is discipleship where the student becomes like the teacher (Luke 6:40). If anything, it is the fear of the Lord that drives parents to choose Christian education, not fear of man. Parents cannot accomplish what God instructs through public education; therefore, it should not even be an option for consideration.

Objection #4: You should send your children to a public school to evangelize others.

The desire to be salt and light and share the gospel with others is a noble thing, but it is a fundamentally flawed argument as a motive for choosing public education. Jesus never said, “Go and be salt and light.” He said, “You are the light of the world.” We are already salt and light to a dark world and we are called to live this out right now, not use this as justification to immerse a child in a world of darkness. Christian schools and homeschools are salt and light to public education and a dark world. Unbelievers ought to see the attractiveness of Christian education and be drawn to it and to Christ. Christian education is an evangelistic engine to lead children to saving faith in Jesus Christ. According to the Bible, the gospel is to be central to teaching children (Ps. 78:5-7). Paul tells Timothy to continue in what he has learned as a young child, “which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:14-15). What led to saving faith for Timothy? He was taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the teaching of the Bible. Any form of education where the gospel is not central and regularly proclaimed is a departure from Scripture.

Public education may be a mission field, but this does not require the missionaries to be children, nor does it limit the church from evangelizing non-Christian children in their community in other ways and at other times. Solders are not sent into battle until being trained, and this is also to be true for Christian children. Evangelism should happen at public schools, but it is through the effort of Christian adults. As a pastor, I was invited to speak every year to all the eighth graders in one of the largest school districts in Minnesota. I was given a full class period for an entire day during the unit on world religions in history class to explain Christianity and I would share the gospel with every eight grader in our community. As a church, we share the gospel with hundreds and hundreds of children through Awana, VBS, ministry in community parks, camps, retreats, and countless other ways throughout the year. The children at public schools can be evangelized in these kinds of ways.

Education is an evangelistic endeavor where children are the objects of mission, not the agents of mission. To confuse these two items is a major error. Would you send your child to a Muslim, Mormon, or Hindu school? Parents are wise enough to recognize that this would be highly problematic for their child. Public education is highly religious in every way with its own secular creeds and doctrine. Children are taught what to believe about the origin of all things, the purpose of life, the meaning of marriage, what it means to be a man or woman, what went wrong in the world, what is the solution, and are provided a secular moral code to live by. Public education has removed God and substituted man in His place. There is no such thing as religious neutrality in public education. Secular humanists, such as Charles Potter, have been very open about this fact for decades. He states, “Education is thus a most powerful ally of humanism, and every American school is a school of humanism. What can a theistic Sunday School meeting for an hour once a week and teaching only a fraction of the children do to stem the tide of the five-day program of humanistic teaching?” Children from Christian homes are being evangelized and then catechized to believe in the religion of secular humanism. Public schools are winning huge numbers of converts from Christian homes. Education is evangelistic and this is why every child from a Christian home needs a Christian education.

Objection #5: Parents can unteach and reteach their children after school to counter secular thinking.

Parents who are careful about their child’s diet, medications, or media are often far more lenient as to the sort of mental ideas offered to children in education. Every idea is like a seed that is placed in the soil of a child’s heart that grows over time and produces deep roots that are not easily removed. Parents try to convince themselves that a strong, rich home with Christian teaching can offset the false teaching of public schools. This perspective ignores the plain teaching of Scripture that what is sown today will be reaped later. Children spend approximately 16,000 hours at school between K-12th grade and the seeds sown from atheistic secularism will likely be absorbed, in part or total, by children. As a pastor, I often had parents urgently ask for help in the late middle school or early high school years. By this point, the seeds had become invasive weeds and the student would proclaim they no longer believed in God, did not want to attend church, hated his or her parents, or embraced LGBTQ ideas.

If I were to name this approach, I would call it educational bulimia. The child consumes secularism seven to eight hours a day and is encouraged to vomit it up after school. I don’t know a single parent who thinks it’s a good idea for a child to literally drink poison and then purge it later, yet somehow this is acceptable for the soul and mind day after day. It is questionable if such a method is even successful and what lasting impact there will be on the child. Can an hour or two of discussion neutralize a week of influence on a child? Will parents fully be aware what the child is learning from curriculum, peers, and multiple teachers? Is it realistic that a parent will read everything and watch everything to know what is being taught in detail? Are schools and young children reliable and trustworthy to accurately and regularly communicate what is being taught? If Christians are spitting out the views and values upon tasting them, then why continue consuming them? If a child was in Christian education, such a radical approach would not be needed. The best choice is to avoid educational poison and provide a healthy educational meal.

Objection #6: Christian education is too expensive.

Christian education is expensive, but we must think according to biblical principles first and order our life accordingly. The reality is that the cost of non-Christian education is far more costly from an eternal perspective. We may need to make financial sacrifices, but it is well worth it to know that this increases the likelihood of our children walking in the truth and spending eternity with Jesus. For some parents, selfishness and misplaced priorities are the real problem, not the cost of Christian education. There are individuals who value a large home, a new car, an exotic vacation, time at the gym, don’t want to do the hard work of homeschooling, or financially sacrifice for Christian education. It is not a money problem, but a heart problem. One couple told me that they feared what their friends and family would say if they chose Christian education for their children. A major problem is that Christians began educating their children like the world. Now, Christians are allowing the world to educate their children and are paying a huge price.

Jen and I have sacrificed significantly to homeschool our five children. However, what we first believed was a sacrifice has become a huge blessing in our life. God has provided more richly than we ever could have imagined. This didn’t happen overnight. There were some lean years financially, but I cannot think of a better investment in a child than Christian education. For Jen and I, choosing Christian education was a step of faith and an act of trust that God has honored. For many individuals reading this article, you know the value of Christian education and understand the commands of the Bible. What is needed is a step of faith and belief that God will provide a way. I encourage you to set your objections aside and choose Christian education.

Doing Math, Indoctrinating Children, and Lies Children Believe

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Doing Math to the Glory of God

A new school year is upon us. I’ve begun to see first day of school pictures on social media so I thought it would be good to think about a school related topic: math. Math was one of the most difficult subjects for me as a child. I received poor grades and needed extra tutoring just to pass. I never loved math. Because I went to a public school for half of my education, I never learned why math works or the motive for learning math. Math makes sense because God created an orderly world. The laws of math are a testimony to God himself. The Bible itself talks a lot about math. In fact, it has a book of the Bible titled Numbers and has a lot of guidance about how we are to be good stewards with money and resources. Math became more bearable for me as I student in college when I was given some reasons to learn it — to serve God through engineering (so we can build a bridge to be a blessing in our city or to reach an unreached people group) and personal finances. The Bible calls us to do all things to the glory of God, including math. In this article, John Piper provides some valuable thoughts that may be worth reading and sharing with your child as you start a new year of math. 

Indoctrinate Your Children or Someone Else Will

Allie Beth Stuckey wisely recognizes that children are always being indoctrinated. Indoctrination isn’t the problem. The bigger question is who is doing the indoctrination and what children are being encouraged to believe and act upon. Allie suggests that children are being encouraged to love self, which is the opposite is what the Gospel calls us to in Scripture. Allie asks parents to consider what worldview we want our children to have and how media and education are shaping their beliefs. The good news is that God has given us the tools we need to accomplish the tasks He has called us to. Through the help of a Bible believing local church and a commitment to making Christ the priority of our lives and hopes, we can saturate our children in the truths of Scripture and entrust them to Lord. To read the article, click here. 

7 Lies Our Children are Encouraged to Believe

We are in a battle for the hearts and minds of our children. In any battle, it is always helpful to know the tactics of the enemy or any details of the strategy to win a war. Elizabeth Urbanowicz shares some of the more common lies from our society that children are in danger of absorbing. It is helpful to recognize these messages so that we can discuss them with our children and help them to reject them as they are encountered. One of the goals we have had with our children is to the be first and loudest voice and to help them understand the truth so that they can reject lies. This video is a little over an hour in length, perfect to watch while folding laundry, preparing a meal, or watching after the kids go to bed (or even with older children). 

How Do You Know if Critical Race Theory is Taught in Your Child’s School or Church

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Critical race theory is infiltrating corporations, Christian organizations, and educational institutions all over American. You know it is getting bad when Dr. James Dobson addresses critical race theory as a problem and tells parents to protect their children from it. In Minnesota, the concepts of critical race theory have been taught in some locations, such as St. Paul schools, for nearly a decade. We simply did not know it. Now we are waking up to the reality of what critical race theory is and how destructive it is for individuals and organizations. 

The darkness hates the light, so it is very good that critical race theory is being exposed for what it is. The light is a sanitizing agent. So it is no surprise that many organizations and educational institutions are claiming that critical race theory is not present in their school or building. I would love for this to be true; however, I experienced this tactic in our local school district when a group of parents pushed back against the racial agenda of the school. We were told that critical race theory was not taught, encouraged, promoted, or part of the curriculum. And it is true, I never heard the district mention the words “critical race theory” nor did I ever see these words in print. Instead, the school used different words to convey the exact same concepts. 

Like my school district, I’m beginning to hear more and more organizations state that critical race theory isn’t present in their school or church. I thought it would be helpful to provide a quick list of terms and buzz words. If an organization is using any of these words of phrases, they may be teaching critical race theory (thanks to Kevin Roberts for help with this list). 

Equity—This has replaced “equality.” Instead of ensuring that every American has an equal opportunity to succeed, equity demands equality of outcomes. Equality of outcomes is another way of saying socialism. It utilizes the same oppressor and oppression framework of critical race theory. 

Implicit or unconscious bias—The relentless search to find racism in every aspect of American life. If it’s not immediately evident, look harder. 

Social Justice or Restorative Justice—The belief that society must be torn down and remade in order to fully root out racism.

Systemic racism—According to critical race theory, racism is the original sin of America, and it persists everywhere to this day. Every institution is designed, “to maintain the dominance of white people in society.”

Microaggressions—These are “subtle insults (verbal, nonverbal and/or visual) directed toward people of color, often automatically or unconsciously.”

Antiracism—This is critical race theory’s go to phrase, the practical outworking of its central ideas.

White privilege—According to this doctrine, white people derive incredible benefits from being white. According to one theorist, “America needs to be honest about how race has driven every decision from education to homeownership, and everything in between.”

White fragility—This makes critical race theory non-falsifiable. Any objection to any tenet of critical race theory is said to be white fragility.

Colonialism—Jean-Jacques Rousseau would recognize this as his “noble savage” concept—it’s the notion that most human societies lived some kind of idyllic existence until explorers from the West arrived. One scholar states, “colonialism, as a project of bringing the backward races into the universal history, bridged enlightenment with modern constructions of race.” In other words, colonialism was the seedbed of race and racism. Critical race theorists demand that we decolonize—reject all that the west brought with it, including enlightenment ideals.

Identity—Everything is about what you are, not who you are.

Ally or Allyship—According to Harvard an ally is “Someone who makes the commitment and effort to recognize their privilege (based on gender, class, race, sexual identity, etc.) and work in solidarity with oppressed groups in the struggle for justice.” Critical race theorists demand nothing less of the rest of us.

Social construct—Race is made-up; it’s fiction used by oppressors to control the oppressed. Race is also real and immutable. It’s the one thing you can’t change about yourself, and it’s all that matters (see identity).

Educators or organizations may claim that they’re not teaching critical race theory, but look closer at what they are saying before you believe them.

 

 

 

Speaking Schedule Over the Next Three Months

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I would appreciate your prayers that God would do a divine work in the hearts and minds of those I have the privilege of speaking to over the next three months. I have more than 35 talks and 15 trips, so it’s going to be a very busy stretch. Here is a quick summary of my summer and fall speaking calendar. If I’m coming to your church, city, or state, I would love to connect!

Southeast Homeschool Expo in Georgia

Jen and I fly to Atlanta for a two day event called the Southeast Homeschool Expo where we will speak six times on July 30-31. I’m excited that Jen and I have the opportunity to do this together!

Parenting With a Plan in Virginia

Jen and I are providing a two day parenting conference on August 27-28 based on our new book 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home and then I’m preaching at the Sunday services at EastLake Community Church. 

Parenting Getaway for Pastors and Christian Educators in Tennessee

We are hosting 26 couples at Manderely camp in Tennessee. This event is specifically for pastors or Christian educators to help them design a discipleship plan for their children and implement family ministry in their organization. There is no cost to attend, other than paying airfare. We have space for about six additional couples, if interested, let me know. Dates are September 8-10. 

Parenting Event in Minnesota

Woodcrest Church is providing a parenting event on Sept. 15 and 22 to equip their families. I will be speaking on Expanding Your Family Discipleship Vision and Discipling Children: 8 Spiritual Practices Every Parent and Grandparent Can Do. If you are in Minnesota, would love to see you there. No cost to attend. 

Parenting Conference, Grandparenting Events, and Preaching in Virginia

I will be speaking at a Friday night and Saturday morning parenting conference, preaching on Sunday at Parkway House of Prayer, and providing a grandparenting event on Sunday evening September 24-26 in Roanoke, Virginia. 

Mega Con Children’s Ministry Conference in Tennessee

I’m looking forward to being at Mega Con for the first time. Approximately 2,000 children’s pastors and staff will gather for a couple of days of encouragement and equipping. I’ll be at the Renewanation booth and providing a couple of breakouts on Discipling Children. If you are in children’s ministry and attending, make sure to stop by and say hi! October 5-7.

Lake Region Christian School in Minnesota

I get to travel to northern Minnesota on Oct. 15 to speak at grandparents day for the school. I may also have to see if the fish are biting!

Legacy Grandparent Summit in Alabama

I will be gathering with over 1,000 of my closest grandparenting friends in Birmingham, Alabama on Oct. 21-22 for the fourth national grandparenting conference. This event will be simulcast to more than 30 locations. I had the joy of helping launch the Legacy Coalition a number of years ago, so I’m excited to see everyone! I will provide a main stage talk on Shaping the Worldview of Grandchildren.

Mid-America Association of Christian Schools Conference in Missouri

I will be a main stage speaker at the 38th annual educators conference and hosting a table at the event on Nov. 3-5.

Intentional Grandparenting Conference in South Carolina

I’m joining a handful of other speakers including Cavin Harper and Larry McCall to speak to a group of grandparents in South Carolina on Nov. 5-6. 

Parenting Conference in Texas

As the weather gets cooler in Minnesota, it’s nice to escape to some warm destinations. I will head south to Katy, Texas where I will provide a parenting conference at BridgePoint Church on Nov. 12-13. 

If you are in any of these locations, would love to see you. And would love your prayers that God would work in each of these events in the hearts and minds of those I interact with. If you are interested in bringing me to your church, school, or city let me know! I’m currently booked through April 2022 so taking requests for summer and fall of 2022.