Cavin’s Blog …
Courageous Grandparenting
Unshakable Faith in a Broken World

Five Ways Grandparents Can Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment- Number 3

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The desire to enjoy healthy, positive family relationships resides in all of us. Humility combined with patience, where we consciously bear with one another, are key factors towards achieving that kind of mutually beneficial relationship. It is a great start for rebuilding and repairing broken relationships, and for maintaining those that are already strong.

There is another critical piece when added to humility and patience can move our relationships in the direction of healing and strengthening. It is…

Compassionate Forgiveness

Forgiveness is feigning a disingenuous, “I forgive you”, while holding an internal grudge. Let’s face it, it’s hard to forgive when someone has deeply hurt you and refuses to repent of that act that caused such hurt. Even if they do repent, it can be hard to forgive when the hurt cuts deep—like when you are cut off from contact with your grandchildren without justification. There are not many things more painful than that.

Forgiving can be hard. Perhaps that’s why Paul ties kindness and compassion to the act of forgiving in Ephesians 4:32. Compassion communicates care for another. Holding a grudge circles back to me—how I feel. Compassionate believers understand they are sinners in the need of grace and forgiveness like everyone else. Compassion longs for reconciliation and restoration of a relationship above justice… for all parties involved, no matter how much it hurts.

Compassionate forgiveness doesn’t deny or ignore the hurt and loss caused by another’s actions. It is, however, strong enough to rise above that hurt and empathize with the pain of the one who wronged us. Never ought that be truer than with our family relationships. We may not understand, but we must try to figure out what might explain the hurtful action toward us. 

Compassion extends a heart of forgiveness knowing there is more at stake than my injured feelings. Forgiveness provides the most compassionate act we can offer through a hand reached out in reconciliation. That is how the Father reached out to us through the sacrifice of His only Son. His forgiveness is no trite matter. No wrong against us compares with our sins against the Most High. 

When Forgiveness Springs to Life

Forgiveness springs to life in our hearts when we come to grip with two things:

  1. How God much forgave us (and how much others have forgiven us too);
  2.  How much we still need to be forgiven

As we increasingly take forgiveness seriously, and put it into practice with compassion, a remarkable transformation occurs. Our hearts are transformed. Like cholesterol fighting medicine unclogs arteries in the human body, unclogs the arteries of ‘heart’ allowing God’s lavish grace to flow freely in and through us. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation. Unforgiveness shuts it. 

Forgiveness is also like a two-sided coin. On the one side is our willingness to forgive others. On the other side is our willingness to ask for and accept forgiveness from others. I am indisputably unworthy of God’s forgiveness, yet He offers it to those who are willing to ask. We may be surprised at the willingness of others, especially our family, to do the same.

Are the relationships in your family important enough to put forgiveness into practice? Do you believe God is able to do more than we possible imagine? Then do it, and watch the transformation that can’t happen unless we do it.

GRANDPAUSE ACTION

Ask God to show you one person you need to forgive and/or you need to ask forgiveness in your family. Write down that person’s name and ask God to fill your heart with compassion for that person, and to help you understand why there is a gulf in your relationship.

Im-patient

Five Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment – #2

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Who doesn’t want good relationships with their adult children and grandchildren? Sometimes, however, things get in the way of that happening. Whether you are facing obstacles right now, or you have a strong, healthy relationship with your adult children, these five practices matter for both.

So, let’s add to humility the second of five ways to cultivate a healthy relational environment…

Be Patient and Restrained
(Ephesians 4:2)

Patience does not come easily for me. Some of you know what I’m talking about. The opposite of patience—impatience—wants things fixed NOW. That’s me.

I have a grandson who has Asperger’s Syndrome. Though high functioning, he still has physical and relational limitations. I remember the challenge of teaching him to ride a bike when he was six or seven years old.

Besides having to cope with his fear of falling, he also struggled with balance and control. His muscle strength in his legs was considerably less than many boys his age. I’m embarrassed to admit that I found myself getting impatient with him when he couldn’t do the basic things most boys his age do. My impatience only aggravated the situation and demotivated him from trying. 

I learned to take a deep breath, and remember that he was not other boys. God made him with the limitations he has for a reason, so there was no point in being impatient. I asked God to help me be patient and restrained in my responses to him.

Patience in Practice

When I put patience into practice, his response to me and his willing to try changed dramatically. He still struggled, and has never been able to ride a bike like most boys his age. But he did learn better once he felt safe with me. My impatience only served to make him more insecure and fearful. Patience freed him to try harder. (The same is true now that he is learning to drive. God help me!)

Not every situation we face in family relationships is as basic as learning to ride a bike or drive a car… or is it? Is it possible we make more of things than is necessary? Granted, there are situations that are unspeakably devastating in some families. We don’t always know why. It could be the product of dysfunctional circumstances and attitudes. Sometimes these things can result from wrong messages that have been repeatedly communicated via friends, culture or from us. But many times, there is no clear explanation. It just happens because we’re all sinners, and Satan is hard at work to deceive and destroy.

The point is, how will we respond? Do we worry and try to fix it, or patiently wait upon the Lord? Patience has a way of easing tensions and opening doors of communication. Patience removes the need to judge or condemn. Patience frees us from worry so we can trust God knowing that He persistently pursues those He loves and calls to himself. We are not God. We do not know all that is going on. We can, however, patiently pray, hope and restrain our actions and reactions for the benefit of all. 

If your adult child has walked away from the faith they once professed and embraced as a child, be strong. “We who are strong,” Paul reminds us, patiently “bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves” (Romans 15:1). Patience is a product of our view of God. It is a quality of strength that recognizes only God is “able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us…” (Ephesians 3:20). 

That’s worth waiting for.

GrandPause Action

What tends to push your impatience button, and why? Write down one step you will take this week to demonstrate more patience in this area. Ask your spouse, if possible, to pray with you about this area of impatience.

Humility

Five Ways Grandparents Can Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment

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It can happen in the best of families. Tensions grow when a new grandchild arrives and the new mom and grandma have some significant disagreement on the best way to care for that newborn. Or Grandpa sees some behavioral concerns in a young grandchild that he believes needs to be dealt with, and Dad has a different way of handling that.

These are common issues, and usually easier scenarios to deal with compared to matters of faith when a parent or spouse wants nothing to do with Christianity or church. It hurts deeply when even the mention of Jesus or the Bible around the grandchildren is forbidden. Besides the questions surrounding how we got to this place, the bigger question is what do we, as grandparents, do about it?

No One Size Fits All

There is no one-size-fits-all formula guaranteeing resolution of these matters to the satisfaction of everyone involved, but there are some basic biblical practices that can help cultivate a healthy, respectful environment in any family. When put into practice diligently and consistently, God can use these biblical principles to transform strained or broken relationships. They also work for maintaining strong, healthy relationships.

So, let me take you to the letter Paul wrote to the Ephesian church to unpack with you five ways you can lead the way in building an environment of trust, respect and conciliation. Put them into practice and see if it doesn’t make a difference. Here are the five ways:

1. Be Completely Humble and Gentle (Eph. 4:2)
2. Be Patience and Restrained (Eph. 4:2)
3. Be Forgiving and Compassionate (Eph. 4:32)
4. Be a Peacemaker (Eph. 4:3)
5. Blessing (Eph. 4:29)

We’ll examine each of these, one at a time, over the next five weeks. So, let’s dig into the one at the top of the list, the foundational quality for all the rest…

Be Completely Humble and Gentle

Humility is one of those things we talk about a lot, but it’s one of the hardest things in life to consistently practice. Paul defines humility as “considering others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). It comes down to not being so concerned with my own interests and agenda as the interests of others. Our example is Jesus Himself, who laid aside all His glory and authority to become “nothing” as human being. 

Humility is paired with gentleness in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians because they are complementary qualities. Pride always wants the last word, and is often mean-spirited. Humility not only seeks the best interests of other above its own, but does so with gentleness and kindness.

Practicing humility relieves us of the need to tell a young mother how to raise or discipline her children. It recognizes that perceptions matter. It produces a gentle spirit that does not push our faith upon our adult children (or grandchildren), but lives so that our walk and our talk match. Perhaps, because of our gentle and humble spirit, they might be more receptive. 

If we feel the need to constantly push back because they don’t believe as we believe, that is not humility. It’s pride, and God opposes the proud. Humility certainly does not preclude speaking the truth, but it does so with grace and gentleness worthy of our Lord and the calling we have received.

GrandPause Action Step

Write down one thing God may be revealing to you in this area of humility that you can change right now. Ask God to show you how to put that in practice in your family in a way that is worthy of the calling you have received.

character

Seven Things You Can Teach Your Grandchildren-Part Two

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In Part One, we examined the first four of seven character builders you can teach your grandchildren: Good reading habits, family heritage, personal skills, and manners. Here are the final three:

5. Teach virtues like integrity, honesty and hard work.

Virtues are not learned by lecturing, but by modeling and making the most of teachable moments. For example, what do you do when your grandchild’s birthday moves her beyond the child discount age at a theme park or restaurant, and she says, “Oh, just tell them I’m still twelve”? Modeling integrity is doing the right thing, and using the opportunity to explain that, while it may seem harmless enough to falsify their age, integrity demands doing what is right, not what you can get away with.

Teaching the value of hard work is important in this time of immediate gratification. Make sure your grandchildren understand that working hard gives glory to God. He created work for us to do as His image-bearers. Work is a visible expression of responsible, faithful and diligent living, and that we are made in His image. He also works both in creation and in our lives.

True, hard work can become an idol if it’s about looking good or accumulating worldly treasures. Teach them that worthwhile things are the fruit of hard work for God’s glory. Laziness does not bring glory to God. Neither does working for selfish gain. Both are rooted in self-centeredness, not the good of other. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that those in Christ were “created to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do”, and all to the praise of His glory.

6. Teach them about beauty.

Find creative ways to teach your grandchildren to appreciate beauty, not only in art, but in every area of life. In a world so filled with dark and corrupted images, we need to help our grandchildren discover the wonder and delight of true beauty. Here are a couple of ideas to stimulate your thinking:

  • Visit a Botanical Gardens where you can explore the wonder and beauty of God’s glory in what He has made. Help them see the wonder of all that God has made.
  • Call for a tech fast when your grandchildren come to visit (you can determine the length of time from a couple of hours to a whole day). Prepare some activities like planting a garden, building a birdhouse, painting a picture, or going on a hike. Talk about all the beauty God has created for our enjoyment.

7. Teach them the Gospel of Christ.

Look for opportunities to talk about why we need a Savior. Remind them of God’s lavish, deep love that sent Jesus to the Cross to pay a debt we could not pay for our sin. Teach them Christ not only saves us FROM something (the consequences and bondage of sin), but also FOR something—the freedom to joyfully live to the glory of God by living rightly (godly character), and telling others this good news. That’s what it means to be made alive in Christ.

Well, that’s my seven suggestions. I would remind you that character is not about behavior modification. It is about a transformation of the heart and mind that only God, through Christ’s atonement, and the indwelling Spirit can perform. What we teach through our walk and our talk allows us to become the conduit through which God transforms a spiritually dead life into a new life marked by righteousness and godliness. 

We work hard to make sure our grandchildren know the truth and walk in it, but it is God who does it in us. “I [Paul] worked harder than all of them—yet, not I, but the grace of God that was with me” (I Corinthians 15:10). May it be so for you as well.

GRANDPAUSE: [Prayer] is the atmosphere of work. It is what gives work its supernatural effectiveness. –John Piper

character

Seven Things You Can Teach Your Grandchildren: Part 1

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Grandparents have been around the block a few times. Hopefully, that translates into wisdom and godly character. Grandparents are in a powerful position to influence their grandchildren in meaningful ways that produce good character.

A quality character is evidenced by a life of prudence (good judgment and self-discipline), knowledge and virtue. In other words, wisdom produces character. But wisdom doesn’t come automatically. It is the fruit of faithful instruction and warning about that which corrupts character.

I absolutely believe the most important thing grandparents (or parents) can teach their children and grandchildren is what it means to know, love and follow Christ with their whole heart. Why? Because Christ embodies wisdom and what true character looks like. 

The character that gives glory to God is undeniably shaped by the Gospel through the study of God’s Word, prayer and the example of other believers. The process of fleshing out those truths that produce godly character occur through teachable moments. 

Seven Character Builders

Here are seven character builders that grandparents ought to teach their grandchildren:

 1. Teach them to read good books. When my grandkids were young, I loved to read to them and encourage them to read as well. You can give them a love for reading, help them hone their reading skills, and give them a taste of good literature that is both entertaining and cultivates the mind. Do a book review together. Find ways to motivate them to read (rewards are not out of the question). Take an interest in what they are reading.

2. Teach them about your family heritage. Work on a family tree together, share some of your personal stories as a child and young adult, and remind them of their lineage and how it has shaped who they are. Write a legacy journal or do an ancestry album so they have some tangible reminder of their heritage.

3. Teach them some personal skills that you are good at. What are some skills you could pass on to your grandchildren—cooking/baking, gardening, knitting, sewing, woodworking, basic auto mechanics skills, art, a musical instrument, etc.? Perhaps they have little interest in that skill, but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least introduce them to it. You never know how they will respond until you give them the opportunity to experience it.

4. Teach them good manners and proper etiquette. We are society given to rudeness and crudeness. Many children and young adults have never been trained in manners or etiquette, which are simply expressions of respect and honor for others. Many know little about politeness such as rising from a seat when guests arrive, saying ‘thank you’ when someone is kind, opening a door for a woman or an elderly person as an expression of respect, saying “Yes, sir” or “Yes, Ma’am”, or genuinely listening to someone without being preoccupied with their smartphone. Teach them manners, but explain why they are valuable.

GRANDPAUSE: No amount of riches can atone for poverty of character. —Unknown

Happy Mothers Day

How Can We Do Mother’s Day Better?

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“I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” (2 Tim. 1:5)

I am grateful for my Mom and mother’s everywhere who are deserving of a special day to express honor and praise for the amazing women they are. Another part of me, however, cringes at what Mother’s Day and Father’s Day have become (Grandparent’s Day is spared much of this because most people don’t even know there is such a day). 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to a special day to honor those who play significant roles in our lives as individuals and a nation. In fact, I embrace it. I simply wonder if the purpose for such a day is being overshadowed. Here’s what I mean:

Two Observations

  1. Merchandising and profiteering: Merchants would lead us to believe it’s about the stuff we give rather than genuine expressions of love, honor and value they deserve. There’s nothing wrong with cards, flowers, candy, etc. But is it possible these have become feeble attempts to say ‘thank you’ with predictable, trite, and eulogistic drivel that is more about fulfilling our duty than truly honoring our moms (or Dads)? 
  2. It’s not always about Mom. The purpose often gets swallowed up by extraneous activities that are less about Mom, and more about the rest of us. Then, there’s the question of what do we do to honor them beyond Mother’s Day or birthdays?

Mothers and grandmothers, you deserve more! So, while our attempts to honor you on Mother’s Day may sometimes seem rather pathetic—not to minimize how nice flowers and cards, or taking you out to dinner at a nice restaurant may be—I think we can do better. May I suggest to all the sons and daughters whose mothers are still living that we make Mother’s Day a real tribute to Mom—not just an excuse to go out for dinner. Here’s a few suggestions…

Four Mother’s Day Suggestions

1. Gather any family that is available for dinner at your house. Those who are not mothers assume all responsibility for making dinner and cleaning up.

2. During or after dinner, all the sons and daughters take turns sharing a personal  “eulogy” extolling the qualities they most appreciate about “Mom” and “Grandma”. (Why do we wait till a person’s funeral to do this?) Husbands, this is a perfect opportunity for you to express your gratitude for the special qualities your wife has displayed as a mom to your children. If your mom and grandmother are long distance, write it out and send it to them, or call on the phone and tell them.

3. After the eulogizing, gather around the moms and grandmothers in your family and lay hands on each one as you then pray for them and speak a blessing over them. You may even want to write out a special blessing that all the family says together.

4. Make it a habit to praise and honor your Mom and Grandmother regularly, not just on Mother’s Day. 

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think that Mom and Grandma cherish such a day. And I think God would smile too. 

So, to you mothers and grandmothers out there, may God bless you and make you like Lois and Eunice!

GRANDPAUSE: “I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother.” –Abraham Lincoln

Story Tree

Have You Written it Down?

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Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord… (Psalms 102:18)

Why am I who I am today? What forces have shaped my life and the way I see the world?

These questions are not only important to me, but to those who follow me. My stories are my family’s stories, but, even more than that, they are part of God’s story and the legacy that will be left for future generations. Our stories tell those who come after something about why they are the way they are, and reveal the tapestry of God’s sovereign hand woven in our stories. So, why do we not take story telling more seriously?

Who Am I?

Obviously, as a Christian—a follower of Christ—the Gospel has profoundly shaped who I am and how I view the world. Still, things like why I love cornbread and beans smothered in ketchup, for example, can be explained only by my story as a member of the Harper family. The stories each of us have experienced from birth shape us and form the bigger story that comprises the legacy we leave to the generations that follow… if they know the stories/

The Psalmist has made it very clear that we are to tell the stories of God’s praiseworthiness and faithfulness, His power and the wonders He has done (Ps. 78:4). But it is our personal stories that bring context to God’s bigger story as it is played out through our family tree. And part of telling those stories involves writing them down.

Our Stories are Treasures

The importance of writing our stories to preserve our legacy is the subject of Lana Rockwell’s book, Passing On a Written Legacy. Lana believes the stories of our lives written down for others to read help our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gain some valuable perspective about who we are as members of our family/ They also help us tell the story of God’s faithfulness and ongoing work in our lives, both the good times and the bad. In her opinion, these stories are “treasures from God, a special gift from God for another generation.” 

So, what keeps us from writing these stories down? Lana believes there are any number of reasons, all the result of misinformation or faulty thinking. We don’t think we can write well enough, or we don’t think we can remember anything worth telling. First of all, we’re not writing to get on the New York Best Seller list. Just start writing something and see what happens. Stop making excuses. This is about telling what you know so another generation may benefit from it.

Secondly, ask yourself who loses if you don’t tell your stories. How many of you feel you lost something important because your grandparents or parents never preserved some of their stories that tell who they were and maybe something about ourselves? Don’t make the same mistake for the generations following you.

Thirdly, order a copy of Lana book, Passing On a Written Legacy, and make the decision to give it a try. And in case you’re not sure if would be worth your while, listen to my podcast with Lana on Family Impact. I think she may convince you to take the plunge. What have you got to lose, except all that your family could gain?

Eye with world image

Worldview Matters, but Does it Matter to You?

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“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation…”
2 Corinthians 5:17

I have an 18-year old grandson with Asperger Syndrome. He’s a brilliant young man. He’s also fun to be around, and so gracious and teachable. I think he does a phenomenal job of making friends despite his social awkwardness and diminutive physical size. While it may be difficult for his peers to relate with him, worldview makes a difference how he sees himself. Here’s how I know.

His mother found a letter in his bedroom that he had written as a prayer at age sixteen. What he wrote then is still true for him now:

“Dear God, I don’t want to get confused as to what my identity is. I don’t want to think that I am nothing less than Your child, Creator of all things. I am a child of You, Lord, that is who I am. Likewise I don’t want to base my identity, my worth, on what other people think, but on what You think of me instead. And don’t let me forget how dependent I am on You either. This is who I, Corban B…., truly am. I’m a Child of God.”

Where did this come from? It came from a worldview he learned and embraced that reveals how he views the world in which he lives. He sees his world as one God created, and one we messed up. Yet, because of God’s grace, he knows he is child of the One who made him and loves him deeply. That’s his source of worth, identity and purpose. That’s an expression of worldview. It matters to all of us. And I’m glad to know it still matters to him today.

Why Worldview Matters

A biblical worldview provides the motivation for believers to engage the culture around us shaped by a non-Christian worldview, and make a difference in that culture. I believe because of his worldview, Corban, will one be of those who will make a difference, and maybe God will use his “different-ness” to make an impact in very powerful way.

My guest this week on Family Impact, a weekly podcast about making a difference in our families, talks about the importance of engaging culture, any culture, because of a Christian worldview. He reminds us that it’s not optional. “It’s human,” John says. “It’s as much a part of being alive as breathing is. We don’t decide whether we’ll engage the culture. Just how.”

Does worldview matter to you, grandparents? How does the worldview determined by the Gospel shape how you see the world and engage with people in your world? How does it compel you to teach and encourage your grandchildren to see and engage this world? We can’t afford to hide our heads in the sand and ignore what’s going on around us. Only those who hold up the light will dispel the darkness. That’s why Jesus called us to let our light shine. It must not be hidden, but held high for all to see.

A Gift That Matters

Here’s an idea for grandparents who have grandchildren approaching high school graduation in the next couple of years. Give them a graduation gift of a two-week Summit camp at Summit Ministries. Click this link for some helpful information from the President, Jeff Meyers about the programs available for students, whether they plan to go to college or not. This is a graduation gift worth giving. Your investment will challenge them to think about what is true and how worldview impacts how they think and live.

And while you’re at it, listen to Part Two of my interview with John Stonestreet about his book, A Practical Guide to Culture.

Culture sign with arrow

What Do We Make of Culture?

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“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.”
John 16:33a

As Christians, we are prone use the word ‘culture’ to represent something bad, or at least not in line with our values. But is culture, in itself, bad? No… no more than technology or politics are bad in themselves. It’s what we make of them that determines whether they are something good, or evil.

Culture is what we make of the world we live in. It is shaped and driven by the predominant worldview of a particular group or population. Worldview shifts from time to time, sometimes dramatically, and when it does, it can leave us somewhat disoriented and wondering what happened. Culture is not a bad thing in itself, unless we make that way.

Created to Create Culture

In fact, my guest on our Family Impact podcast today, John Stonestreet, believes God made us to create culture—to make something of the world in which He placed us. Unfortunately, sin has made it a messy proposition most of the time. Still, we were made to create culture as a visible expression of our inward beliefs and convictions about how the world ought work.

But here’s the problem… because sin makes such a mess of it, we can be tempted to get in a survival mode. If we can just hang on… if we can only help our kids and grandkids survive, that’s sufficient. But that is faulty thinking.

Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this world, but He also said, “Take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). In other words, don’t give up. Keep on going because Christ has already won the victory, and He has not left us without opportunity to impact this world differently. I don’t want my grandchildren to just survive. I want them to live in the power of the Gospel and make a difference. I want to do the same.

Making a Difference

So, how do we live in culture that has so quickly gone awry and make a difference? Here are five things we all can do:

  1. Pray diligently and fervently. 
    • That God will keep our children from the evil one
    • That God will search our hearts and expose any wickedness in us that needs to be cleansed and surrendered.
    • That God will give us the boldness to speak truth in love, and ask good questions that cause others to stop and think
  2. Stop believing the lies that younger generations do not want to hear what we have to say. But, we must guard our hearts and our mouths so that we give them a reason to trust us and want to hear what we have to say. Make the effort to enter their world; don’t try to force them to enter yours. Learn to listen well. 
  3. Stop believing the lie that you have nothing to offer, or that you’ve done your time, and it’s time to “retire”. God is not in the retirement business… Del Webb is. God wants us to refire, not retire, and seek the new opportunities He lays before us to make a difference no matter our age.
  4. Be a repristinator, not a resister. Stop talking about the good ole days, and start finding ways to repristinate (make like new) your heart, your mind and your relationships. “Create in me a clean heart, O God” is prayer for the old as much as the young. Keep your mind sharp and renewed. Study the Word, and read good books. Fill your mind with the knowledge that leads to wisdom.
  5. Sit down and listen to my interview with John Stonestreer about culture and cultural undercurrents for which we need to stay alert. And get copy of John’s book, A Practical Guide to Culture. 

GRANDPAUSE: We only understand the moment from the Story; we don’t rethink the Story to fit the moment.” –John Stonestreet

How Glad Are You to be Part of the Family?

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“For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom the whole family in Heaven and on earth derives its name.”  Eph. 3:14-15 (NIV)

As a young man, I used to love singing an old Gaither song in church called The Family of God. The chorus goes like this: 

I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God,
I’ve been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood;
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod;
I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.
(William J. and Gloria Gaither; Gather Music; 1970)

I enjoyed looking around at my church family as we sang that song. I remember feeling genuinely glad to be part of this family of God. Despite its flaws, the sense of belonging I felt, and the love that flowed from that family was truly sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Even as a child and teenager, I felt valued by and connected to my whole church family.

I also love being part of my biological family. It is a precious gift of God, and one we often fail to appreciate. The gift of God’s family is more than blood relatives… on second thought, maybe it’s not. Because of God’s amazing grace and love through the Gospel, we given new life in a worldwide family of born-again brothers and sisters.

We are joint heirs together in Jesus—blood relatives. Our biological family is vitally important for God’s plan to pass a legacy of faith from generation to generation. However, without the larger family of God, it would be like having a birthday cake without candles, ice cream, and a party.

Our Goal

Many researchers believe a very small percentage of children who grew up in the church will remain in the church as adults. Grandparents, these are our children and grandchildren we’re talking about. What does our life and relationship with God’s people say about the importance and value of being part of the family of God? 

Our goal is not to get them to church, but point them to Jesus and the incredible blessing of becoming part of His family—His Body, even with all our messes and flaws. The Gospel is the good news of redemption rebirth, both individually and communally. We were not saved for isolation, but community. We can’t live the righteous life alone.

May our lives and attitudes towards the family of God give our grandchildren every reason to want to be part of such a family. May they learn to genuinely delight in singing  as I did, “I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God!”

Cultivating a Postive View

Here are three actions that could make a difference in how your children and grandchildren view the family of God:

  1. Guard against speaking negatively in front of them about what goes on in your church or any other church. Speak respectfully about the music, preaching, people and ministries so they understand that the family God is where we lay aside our personal preferences, and focus on God’s presence and purposes for the whole body, including mission to make much of Christ in the world.
  2. Make every effort to exalt the blessings and privileges of being part of God’s family, even if things aren’t always how you like them. Read Ephesians 3:14-4:16 together and talk about the importance of our part in the body (family) as described in this passage.
  3. Establish a safe environment where hard questions and expressed doubts about church, the Bible, or Christianity are not condemned or put down, but are welcomed. Our grandchildren don’t need a bunch of old bobble heads criticizing every criticism or making light of real concerns they may have about these things. 

We must not forget that the Church is made up of messy people whose messes are why Christ came in the first place. As the redeemed by the blood of Christ meeting with a lot of other messy redeemed, what can you do to make “family gatherings” joyful and glad celebrations of our Redeemer. Make much of the precious opportunities this ‘family’ has to spur one another on to love and good deeds to the praise of God’s glorious Name. Let’s give our grandchildren every reason to want to be at the party!

GRANDPAUSE: “From a generational perspective, the older generation must be careful not to exasperate or provoke the younger generations. Otherwise they may ‘lose heart’ for the church and for Christ.”  — Gary McIntosh; One Church, Four Generations

[Share with us ways you are helping your grandchildren understand the how important the family of God is.]