A Christmas Gift That Outlives You

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Christmas is just around the corner. As a grandparent, what kind of gifts will you give this year that will mean something beyond the Christmas season? In my post last week I challenged you to practice Kingdom gifting. One practical way to do that is giving your grandchildren a GrandCamp adventure gift for Christmas.

You may not know much about GrandCamp, so let me share with you the report from Sherry Schumann, one of our Prayer Directors, about last summer’s GrandCamp in South Carolina. Sherry will give you an overview of a typical GrandCamp event and the impact it can have on your grandchild. After reading her story, I hope you will choose to give one of the most meaningful Christmas gifts ever for your grandchildren—time with you at GrandCamp.

SHERRY’S STORY

More than seventy grandparents and grandchildren toting backpacks and duffle bags, swimsuits and beach towels, streamed into Camp St. Christopher last June eager for GrandCamp to begin. GrandCamp is an amazing five-day faith adventure, designed by Christian Grandparenting Network to transport grandparents and their grandchildren away from their busy lives to a place where God can work in their hearts. The camp affords grandparents a unique, fun-filled opportunity to share their faith with their grandchildren.

There are five GrandCamps currently operating in the United States (Colorado, Illinois, Minnesota, New York and South Carolina) and one in Alberta, Canada. I have the joy and privilege of serving on staff for the one in South Carolina This year we unpacked the Lord’s Prayer and equipped and empowered the grandparents and their grandchildren to become prayer warriors. One grandson remarked to his grandfather during family time devotions, “I learned that I can pray anywhere, including the bathroom.” 

The formats for all GrandCamps are similar. Mornings begin with morning muster, breakfast and intergenerational devotions pertaining to the week’s theme. The grandchildren then proceed to arts-and-crafts, games and Bible story time for the remainder of the morning, while grandparents discuss the Biblical role of grandparenting in sessions dubbed “GrandBits.”

Afternoon activities are unique to the specific camp locations. For example, our afternoons are spent building sand castles, riding the waves and seining for crab, shrimp and small fish. My favorite activity is our afternoon at the mud-pit when everyone, some more than others, sloshes in plough mud—a gooey, dark-brown mud found in the salt water marshes here in the Carolinas—before making a mad dash to the water. It creates the perfect lesson about Jesus washing our sins away. 

GrandCamp culminates with a poignant worship experience called the Blessing Ceremony. Grandparents speak personal blessings over their grandchildren affirming their worth as God’s children made in His image; naming God-given attributes, which they see in their grandchildren; picturing a special future with God at the helm; and committing themselves to walk alongside their grandchildren. 

Following this year’s blessing ceremony, one grandson reached up and placed his hand on his grandmother’s shoulder. “Grandma,” he announced, “someday, I am going to place my hand on your shoulder and give you a blessing.” Testimonies like this one—plus the knowledge that at least one grandmother led her granddaughter to Christ—are my reasons for serving on staff. I’ll be the first to register when our grandchildren are old enough to attend. 

SIGN UP TODAY!

For more information about GrandCamps, please see https://grandcamps.org/

P.S.: If you can’t attend a GrandCamp, you might consider doing your own. We have produced a GrandCamp Field Guide to help you do that effectively. Click here for information about the Field Guide.

Kingdom Gifting

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“A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children.” Prov. 13:22

Who doesn’t love giving gifts to their grandchildren, especially at Christmas? I know we certainly do. Yet, kingdom-minded grandparents understand that giving good gifts is not the same as attempting to buy happiness for our grandchildren or from our grandchildren by giving them whatever they want.

When the wise writer of Proverbs speaks of a good man’s inheritance, I think it likely he is speaking of more than material assets. I suspect he gets that a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. Kingdom grandparents seek to build a richer and better inheritance for their family and the gifts they give them—something not merely left FOR them, but something left IN them.

The Ultimate Gift

In Jim Stovall’s novel, The Ultimate Gift, Red Stevens realizes at the end of his life that he made some poor decisions about how he used his wealth with his family. “One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was when I gave everyone in our family everything that they thought they ever wanted… I spent many years trying to achieve happiness or buy it for friends and family… In trying to make up for all the times I wasn’t there, I gave them all materials things. In doing so, I robbed them of everything that makes life wonderful.”

Kingdom grandparents possess a love for their grandchildren so deep that gift giving takes on a very different purpose than Red Steven’s original objective. Kingdom gifting seeks to expose another to the all-surpassing treasure of knowing and loving Christ. Kingdom grandparents would rather give their grandchildren the Good News than even good gifts. 

There is no greater gift than the gift God gives us through His Gospel. Kingdom grandparents want their grandchildren to have that gift and know the life a loving and wise God intended for them to have—a life rooted in the truth about who God is, what He has done, and who they are as treasured image-bearers of their Creator. Contrary to some of the messages today, my role as a grandparent is not to spoil my grandchildren with things that do not last. I am to give them an inheritance which points them to a truly full and rich life—one that is rich towards God.

Does this mean we don’t give material gifts? Of course not. But we must not forget that there are gifts we can give our grandchildren that are far more valuable than material gifts. Unfortunately, those are the gifts we are prone to overlook. It’s easy to buy into the lie that material gifts somehow reflect how much we love them. It is a lie because the truth is such gifts are often more about what makes us feel good than what is good for them.

Kingdom Gifting Examples

So, what are examples of kingdom gifting? If you are one who spends a good deal on travel, eating out and various amusements, consider turning some of those expenses into kingdom investments for the spiritual welfare of your grandchildren (and yourself). Here are some suggestions:

  1. Turn your vacation time into ministry opportunity with your grandchildren on a mission trip or doing a service project together. Talk to your pastor or youth leaders about some possible options you could do together.
  2. For younger, grade-school age grandchildren who live nearby, explore opportunities to help with Thanksgiving or Christmas basket distributions, or volunteering at a Samaritan’s Purse distribution warehouse near you for Operation Christmas Child. The opportunities are there if we take the time to look and ask God to show us how He would have us serve.
  3. Give your grandchildren a gift of a grand adventure at GrandCamp next summer.
  4. Give your grandchildren a money gift along with a Christmas or birthday gift, but with a simple twist. Instead of spending the money on themselves, ask them to use it to bless another who needs some encouragement. For example, 
    • Purchase a blanket or new winter gloves for a homeless person and taking it to them. 
    • Buy flowers for someone they know who needs cheering up.
    • Buy a special gift for someone who may not be well-liked by others is school or the neighborhood

What gifts are you giving your grandchildren that will help them find the ultimate gift? Your grandchildren deserve a better inheritance than simply getting whatever they want. And why not get a copy of Courageous Grandparenting for yourself to help you put into practice what we’ve been discussing. 

Share with us some of the ways you are building that better inheritance.

GRANDPAUSE: Your children and grandchildren will not remember you by the material things you gave to them, but by the inheritance of faith, truth and love you left with them.

You Have a Story to Tell

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“We will not hide them from [our children];we will tell the next generation…” –Psalms 78:4a

God clearly instructs grandparents to “tell” the next generations “the praiseworthy deeds of God, His power and the wonders He has done” (Psalms 78:4). In other words, we are commanded to be Story Tellers in our family. One way we do that is through the telling of our own stories.

Telling our stories includes our family history, but not only our family history. Even more crucial is how God has revealed Himself through our story. What does our family history and personal journey say to the next generations about God’s power, wonders and praiseworthiness?

Six Suggestions

Here are six suggestions to help you tell your story so that another generation will know who God is and what it means to be a child of God. Do this when your grandchildren are with you, or at a family reunion. You can also write them in a Family Journal or record them on tape.

  1. Describe your family of origin. Here’s what I mean:
    a.  Layout your family tree showing several generations of your family lines, and some of the related stories you know.
    b.  What was your own family like? Who were your siblings (if you had any)? Describe your relationship with your father and mother.
    c.  If you were adopted, what was that like for you as you got older?
  2. When and why did you become a Christ-follower? What prompted you to respond to Christ’s invitation of grace? How has the Gospel changed who you are and how you live?
  3. Describe at least one kairos moment in your life – a significant point in time when your life trajectory changed dramatically (other than when you became a Christian, got married or had a baby)?
  4.  Be open and honest about sharing a significant wound or hurt you experienced. Do you still live with it? How has it impacted you?
  5. How do you most want to spend your remaining years on earth? If there were no physical or financial limitations, and failure was not an obstacle, would anything be different?
  6. What do you want your legacy to be?

While some of these questions are difficult to talk about, they are part of who you are and what God is doing in your life. Your grandchildren need to hear your story, including the hard stuff because it impacts their story too. 

However, remember that our story is really about God’s story. We do not tell our story to make much of us, but to make much of Him.

GRANDPAUSE: If you build upon yourself your edifice will be a mere ruin.  –Augustine

Man in Kayak paddling through jaws of whale

Grandparenting Through Obstacles

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It’s true that few things are grander than being a grandparent. It’s also true that at times few things can be more challenging than being a grandparent (unless you’re this guy in the kayak!). Too often, it is anything but what we expect it to be. If you’re a grandparent who is parenting your grandchildren, you know that better than any of us.

I became a grandfather for the first time on June 1, 1997. It was a day I will never forget. As I held my first grandchild, a flood of emotions spilled over me. The first was the joy of holding my grandson—a second generation now living with the Harper DNA. There was also the shocking realization that I had now become a full-fledged member of an elite class, albeit a class marked by gray hair and a label I had, until now, only applied to ‘old’ people. I remember thinking, “Is it really possible I am a grandfather?”

As powerful as these emotions were, one emotion erupted within me unexpectedly. It was the sudden awareness of the kind of world my generation was leaving for our grandchildren to navigate. The epitaph of Judges 2:10 gripped my heart and I wondered if history was about to be repeated in my time. It reads, “Another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what He had done for Israel.” I resolved to do whatever God gave me to do to not let that happen on my watch. Little did I understand at that time the challenges that lay ahead.

A Toolbox Resource

Renee Gray-Wilburn and Dianne Butts understand that grandparenting in today’s world is very different from what it was only one generation earlier. Numerous obstacles from raising grandchildren to long distance grandparenting are more critical than at any other time in our nation’s history. But more than that, grandparents today must deal with the effects upon our families caused by widespread divorce, strained family relationships, increased godlessness and a culture hostile to absolute truth. How do we face these challenges without going crazy? How do we help guide our grandchildren towards an authentic, wholehearted faith in Jesus Christ?

Renee and Dianne’s book, Grandparenting Through Obstacles, offers some practical help for answering these questions. They assembled a collage of life stories from people like you who are facing a variety of life issues. These stories will encourage you, stir you, and inspire you in your own journey. They will also be great additions to your grandparenting toolbox as a tool that can make a difference in how you share Christ with them.

I encourage you to add this inspirational tool to your personal toolbox. I pray these real-life stories will give you hope and the resolve to remain steadfast in this grand calling of grandparenting. Perhaps your story needs to be heard as well. I would invite you to share your own story with us so that others may profit from your experience and wisdom.

Send me your story at info@christiangrandparenting.net

GRANDPAUSE: I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

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God’s Smoke Signals

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“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Jesus (John 16:33)

The story is told of a shipwreck survivor winding up on a deserted island. Daily he prayed that God would rescue him. A few days into his ordeal, he decided to build a hut for protection and storage of the few supplies that had washed up on shore. He continued to pray and wait with hope for deliverance. 

One day, after taking a walk around the island, he returned to find his hut and everything in it consumed by fire. His heart sank as he watched everything he had go up in flames. Surely, he was doomed to live out what days he could survive on this isolated landmass. But it was not the end of his story.

The very next day a ship appeared at the island. Grateful for his rescue, he asked the captain how he knew he was there. The captain replied, “We saw your smoke signal.”

Take Heart

In John 16:33 Jesus reminds us that trouble in life is to be expected. Yet, Jesus continues with these encouraging words: “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” How does taking heart work? Does it mean when disaster strikes, I grit my teeth, take a deep breath, and pull myself through it with self-discipline and positive thoughts?

Self-discipline and positive thinking are important qualities, but they are not sufficient by themselves. The trap is to make hope dependent upon MY efforts. When things don’t happen as I expect, I look inward to find a solution; “What can I do to work this out?” But that is fleeting at best.

An Upward Gaze

Real hope is anchored in an upward gaze, not an inward confidence. I must look beyond myself. With my gaze fixed on Jesus, I am brought to the place of trust in the one who has won the victory already. In Him is my enduring hope flowing from the Father’s lavish love, compassion and faithfulness. This is the hope my heart can securely hold to in which I can say with Jeremiah…

“I well remember them [my afflictions], and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”  Lam. 3:20-23 

Grandparents ought to be well-equipped to model for their grandchildren the truth about hope in dark times. They are wise enough to know no matter what may come, God knows how to turn trouble into smoke signals and send help our way.

In what ways do you communicate words of hope to your grandchildren in the wake of tragedy and hard times? Will you share your thoughts so that others may benefit from your wisdom? 

GrandPause

The larger the God we know, the larger will be our faith.  -A. B. Simpson

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Five Ways to Intentionally Grandparent from a Distance – Part 2

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GRANDPAUSE: In prayer there is no distance.

Grandparenting from a distance does have its challenges. We miss out on so much of the special moments happening in our grandchildren’s lives because they are so far away. And want can adequately replace a real hug or holding a child’s hand as you walk together through the park?

Long distance grandparenting is not ideal, but neither is it the end of the world—though it can feel like the other end of the world. As we talked about this in my last post, the issue is what we do to intentionally make the best of the situation we have.

We’re looking at five ways to intentionally grandparent from a distance. Last time we addressed the first two: 1. Ways to use technology, and 2. Using snail mail effectively. Staying connected through technology and the Postal Service is good. Both can create personal touches from a distance that bear much fruit. The next three things take intentionality to another level. 

#3:  Planned visits: While it may be physically impossible for some to make any visit to your grandchildren, for many it is simply a problem of intentionality. We don’t sit down with our calendars and plan visits we can make to them, or visits we can plan from them. Yes, it may not be easy, but if you want to enjoy the personal contacts we all want, you need to plan for those times. Get out your calendar right now, and figure out what works best for you, your grandchildren and their parents.

#4:  Honor their parents with your words and actions. Whether you are sending cards, letters, texts, or chatting online, let your conversations always speak of your grandchildren’s parents with respect. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths…” That applies to how you talk about their parents. Make it your goal to do everything you can to encourage your grandchildren to honor their parents by setting the example yourself.

#5:  Pray: Prayer knows no distance. Its impact is just as effective 10,000 miles away as it is face-to-face. Prayer is not a last resort after we have tried everything else. It ought to be our first response practice. 

Pray for them, pray with them, and teach them to pray. James reminds us that “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).

Not sure what to pray?  CLICK HERE to download one of our Scriptures to Pray cards to keep in your Bible. You’ll find one scripture for each day of the month to pray for your grandchildren. 

Let them know you are praying for them. I have assigned a specific day of the week for each of my grandchildren to pray especially for them, and to let them know I’m doing that.

When you talk on the phone or Skype, pray with them and encourage them to also pray. Invite them to pray for you about decisions you must make, challenges you are facing, and struggles you have in life. This teaches them that prayer is not a one-way street—something grandparents do for their grandchildren. We pray with each other and for each other, young and old.

CLICK HERE for more information about the prayer ministry at CGN.

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Five Ways to Intentionally Grandparent from a Distance: Part One

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By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.
Proverbs 24:3

Not long ago I interviewed Wayne and Marci Rice on our Family Impact Podcast (click here for that interview) about their new reality as long distant grandparents. They understand the loneliness that grandparents who are not geographically close to their grandchildren often experience. The opportunities to hug and touch your grandchildren regularly are missing. You miss out on so much of their growing up and attending their school events. 

But you don’t have to lose touch. You may not be able to be with them often like you could if they were living close by. You can’t attend all the special events in their lives, but you can be intentional about staying connected. There are still ways to continue building strong family relationships, and to impact their lives for Christ—even at a distance.

Based upon my conversation with the Rices, and personal experiences as a long-distant grandparent, I have compiled FIVE ways we can intentionally stay connected to and influence our grandchildren. We’ll look at the first two in this article:

1. USE TECHNOLOGY

I know some of you despise technology, some are intimidated by it, and some are just plain apathetic about using it. If any of these describes you, let me just say, “Get over it.” Technology is not going away. It is the world of your grandchildren. It is foolish to ignore the opportunities is gives you. You are never too old to learn some technology. When you do, you say to your grandchildren, “I care about you and the world you live in. I want to stay connected with you in meaningful ways because you are important to me.”Here are two simple ways you can take advantage of technological communication opportunities with your grandchildren:

  1. Use your cell phone: This is especially important for your grandchildren 12 and older. Ask if you can set up a regular day to call them. Ask them what is going on in their lives. You can also text or Instant Message (find out which they prefer, and if you don’t know how to do it, ask them to teach you). Use these to send simple messages of encouragement or a blessing. Text a Scripture or a photo (you can figure it out), or a thought for the day.

Learn to use Skype or FaceTime: These are easy to use tools that allow you to not only speak to your grandchildren, but to also see each other. Because this technology is visual (you can use a computer, tablet, or smartphone), it helps everyone keep up with the changes of time. It’s also a great way to communicate at a deeper level that phone calls or text messages allo.

2. USE SNAIL MAIL

The good ole Postal Service or UPS are still great ways to send…

  1. Cards and letters: Everyone loves to get mail, including your grandkids. If there are multiple grandchildren in one family, make sure to send one to each of them, but put them all in one larger envelop so they all arrive at the same time. Don’t limit cards and notes for birthdays and holidays. Let the know you care by sending them at unexpected times. Include current photos of yourself. Tell them about news in your world. Include a Scripture verse and special blessing. If you are one of the creative types who make their own cards, these can be extra special treats for your grandkids.
  2. Care packages: Care packages send the message that you value them—they are in your thoughts. Marci Rice sends care packages to her grandchildren with a special treat inside (perhaps their favorite cookies you baked for them), or something from the Dollar Store that is fun and says, “I think you’re special”. You could include an unfinished drawing or page from one of the dozens of intricate coloring books available in stores. You start the coloring or drawing and ask them to complete it and send it back.

It’s about intentionality. I can sit around in a funk and complain that I never get to see my grandchildren, or I can choose to make the best of a not so perfect situation. Paul reminded the Ephesians to “make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil.” Distance cannot keep us from staying in touch, but our attitude can.

Next time we’ll look at three more ways we can make the most of this opportunity as a long-distance grandparent.

CHECK OUT FAMILY IMPACT PODCAST
WITH WAYNE AND MARCI RICE ON LONG DISTANCE GRANDPARENTING
God bless you

Five Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment – Number 5

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#5: Habitual Blessing Giver

Diane and I had the privilege to speak a special blessing over all but one of our nine grandchildren in the hospital room soon after their birth. We have since written and spoken numerous other blessings over them through the years. Why do we do it? Because we believe spoken blessings make a major impact upon their lives. Their parents also need our blessing.

When God commanded Moses to tell Aaron to speak a specific blessing over Israel (Numbers 6:22-26), He had a reason for doing so. It was to remind them that His name was upon them and because of that, He would bless them. A blessing spoken with sincerity on God’s behalf has the power to change how someone thinks of himself/herself when they realize God’s name is upon them as His child.

POWERFUL EXAMPLES

Other than the Numbers command to Aaron and his sons, there is no other Scripture passage where we are commanded to practice the spoken blessing in our families. There is, however, substantial evidence that the blessing is important to God. Consider these passages:

  1. The first act of God after He created man and woman was to bless them and give them a purpose (Genesis 1:27-30). 
  2. The Patriarchs—Abraham, Issac, Jacob—all spoke blessings over their children and grandchildren as an important way of communicating how God’s promises would be passed generation to generation.
  3. Jesus forbade His disciples, or anyone, from keeping the children from Him. In fact, He gathered them to Himself, put His hands on them and blessed them in front of everyone (Mark 10:14-16).
  4. The Father spoke an amazing blessing over His Son, twice – once at His baptism; the other at the Transfiguration. Pay attention to the words of blessing the Father spoke: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (Mark 1:11). He spoke very similar words in Mark 9:7: “This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to Him!” What child wouldn’t want to hear those words from a father or grandfather?

Now, I don’t know about you, but these few examples are enough for me to realize that this matter of speaking blessing is huge. Paul comments about the importance of not letting any “unwholesome talk come out your mouths, but only what is helpful for building other up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Our words matter, and when we deliberately and habitually speak blessing into the lives of our adult children (and their spouses), something transformational is possible. We become conduits of God’s transforming power to change hearts and mend broken relationships. 

THREE VITAL COMPONENTS

Let me suggest three vital components of a spoken blessing:

  1. Meaningful Touch: A hand on the head or shoulder, or holding the other’s hand as you speak makes it intensely personal. Touch communicates identity and value; it closes the distance between the giver and receiver; it expresses intimacy, something frequently missing in today’s relationships. 
  2. A Specific Message: A blessing is a reminder of the high value each of us has as an image-bearer of our Maker. It also should affirm God’s plan for a purposeful future (Ephesians 2:10). Our lives have meaning and purpose.
  3. A Personal Commitment:  The one who speaks the blessing is committing to being there for them as long as God give us breath. It is a commitment to be actively involved and supportive, dedicated to fervently pray for them.

Humility and gentleness combined with patience and restraint, compassionate forgiveness, an unwavering commitment to peacemaking, and the practice of speaking blessing—these are the secure handholds God will use to help us scale the mountain of family conflict. Conflict is the fruit of pride, unforgiveness, impatience, bitterness, and unkind words. There is a better way—five ways, actually—with the power mend and restore those relationships. They are also amazing ways to keep good relationships strong. 

GRANDPAUSE: The blessing doesn’t stop the storm, but it shelters you under it.  –Tony Evans

Blessed are the peacemakers

Five Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment-Number 4

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Unwavering Peacemaker

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

In a world of incivility fueled by individual rights and personal agendas, peace seems unrealistic. Rudeness is not new, but it does seem to be intensifying. Families embroiled in conflict often seem beyond any hope of reconciliation. Perhaps we need more unwavering peacemakers.

Peacemaker and ‘peacekeeper’ are not the same thing. Only ‘peacemaker’ is found in Scripture. So, what is the difference? Isn’t it merely a game of semantics? I don’t think so. I believe the differences are significant.

THE PEACEKEEPER

Peacekeepers value the image of peace—eliminating the appearance of conflict rather than accomplishing true reconciliation. A peacekeeper is satisfied with the impression of winning peace, even it means compromising the truth to accomplish it. They will settle for some measure of peace regardless of consequences. 

In other words, peacekeepers value the impression than conflict is restrained, even if it is only short-term, rather than the achievement of true reconciliation and restored relationships.

THE PEACEMAKER

Peacemakers, on the other hand, have a very different objective. It is not about them, but honoring the value of every person involved in a conflict. It is about and unwavering resolve to hold firmly to what is true, honorable and lasting. They’re objective is not ‘winning’, but reconciling. They aren’t concerned with image or their own comfort, but building a foundation of trust upon which God’s grace can transform hearts, and the peace that passes all understanding will dissolve the conflict and restore families.

Peacemakers are unwavering in their pursuit of what’s beneficial for all, not simply the cessation of conflict. They are motivated by compassion and the compelling of Christ and His Gospel. For the love of Christ compels us (controls us), because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died… that those who died should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them, and was raised again (2 Cor. 5:14-15).

FIRST STEPS

Here a few thoughts about how peacemakers might approach conflict in family relationships:

  • Listen carefully and compassionately. Let everyone talk without responding except for clarification. Don’t get defensive.
  • If someone believes you are part of the problem, swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness. (It doesn’t matter if you think you are right. Be sincere. They will know if you aren’t.)
  • When someone expresses a concern or problem, ask them for ideas about how to resolve it. 
  • Don’t dig up the past and replay old hurts. Focus on what is needed to move forward. What are some of the good things that build each other up we can focus on?

Peacemaking is hard work. These suggestions are but first steps towards creating a peacemaking environment. Prayer is the most powerful tool you have in your arsenal. Use it regularly.

How would your kids label you—a peacemaker or a peacekeeper? There is a world of difference—the difference between real peace and pretend peace. Peacemakers shall be called “sons of God” because the Gospel compels them to imitate their Prince of Peace. In Him alone is our hope for peace.

 

GRANDPAUSE: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3).

Five Ways Grandparents Can Cultivate a Healthy Family Environment- Number 3

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The desire to enjoy healthy, positive family relationships resides in all of us. Humility combined with patience, where we consciously bear with one another, are key factors towards achieving that kind of mutually beneficial relationship. It is a great start for rebuilding and repairing broken relationships, and for maintaining those that are already strong.

There is another critical piece when added to humility and patience can move our relationships in the direction of healing and strengthening. It is…

Compassionate Forgiveness

Forgiveness is feigning a disingenuous, “I forgive you”, while holding an internal grudge. Let’s face it, it’s hard to forgive when someone has deeply hurt you and refuses to repent of that act that caused such hurt. Even if they do repent, it can be hard to forgive when the hurt cuts deep—like when you are cut off from contact with your grandchildren without justification. There are not many things more painful than that.

Forgiving can be hard. Perhaps that’s why Paul ties kindness and compassion to the act of forgiving in Ephesians 4:32. Compassion communicates care for another. Holding a grudge circles back to me—how I feel. Compassionate believers understand they are sinners in the need of grace and forgiveness like everyone else. Compassion longs for reconciliation and restoration of a relationship above justice… for all parties involved, no matter how much it hurts.

Compassionate forgiveness doesn’t deny or ignore the hurt and loss caused by another’s actions. It is, however, strong enough to rise above that hurt and empathize with the pain of the one who wronged us. Never ought that be truer than with our family relationships. We may not understand, but we must try to figure out what might explain the hurtful action toward us. 

Compassion extends a heart of forgiveness knowing there is more at stake than my injured feelings. Forgiveness provides the most compassionate act we can offer through a hand reached out in reconciliation. That is how the Father reached out to us through the sacrifice of His only Son. His forgiveness is no trite matter. No wrong against us compares with our sins against the Most High. 

When Forgiveness Springs to Life

Forgiveness springs to life in our hearts when we come to grip with two things:

  1. How God much forgave us (and how much others have forgiven us too);
  2.  How much we still need to be forgiven

As we increasingly take forgiveness seriously, and put it into practice with compassion, a remarkable transformation occurs. Our hearts are transformed. Like cholesterol fighting medicine unclogs arteries in the human body, unclogs the arteries of ‘heart’ allowing God’s lavish grace to flow freely in and through us. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation. Unforgiveness shuts it. 

Forgiveness is also like a two-sided coin. On the one side is our willingness to forgive others. On the other side is our willingness to ask for and accept forgiveness from others. I am indisputably unworthy of God’s forgiveness, yet He offers it to those who are willing to ask. We may be surprised at the willingness of others, especially our family, to do the same.

Are the relationships in your family important enough to put forgiveness into practice? Do you believe God is able to do more than we possible imagine? Then do it, and watch the transformation that can’t happen unless we do it.

GRANDPAUSE ACTION

Ask God to show you one person you need to forgive and/or you need to ask forgiveness in your family. Write down that person’s name and ask God to fill your heart with compassion for that person, and to help you understand why there is a gulf in your relationship.